Faulty Mirror
by Lellian
Summary: What Anna wants, Anna gets. When two people prove to be a threat to her claim over Yoh, the Itako takes matters into her own hands. HoroTamao YohRen
1. Never be sorry

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

As such, I've been trying to be open minded, I've decided to write /looks around and whispers/ a het fic! /Giggles nervously/ My friends thought I was crazy when I started this, but I've been intrigued by this for a long time. Anyway, it was this or an incest fic….and I wasn't quite ready for real close family love yet. /Sweatdrops/

I got the idea for this fic just sitting at the dressing table and I happened to look up into the mirror. My boyfriend at that time was standing behind me, as was a close male friend, one for whom I had no interest. Anyway, I looked up and I realised that due to the angle and the lighting and all that, I could only see myself with the close male friend. It just made me think, how if we look at anything from a different angle, can we truly be sure of what we see. The reflection was garbled, the mirror faulty.

However, for any who are interested, I'm presently going out with the friend who I had no interest for. Strange.

Anyway, on with the story. XD

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"Aww, come on Tam, you know you wanna tell me!"

The pink haired girl flushed the same colour as her layered tresses, ducking down beneath the puckered neck of her sweater.

"HoroHoro-kun, please!" she protested, voice tremulous as her dark eyed gaze flitted nervously around the kitchen.

The bluenette just smirked inanely, his booted feet propped nonchalantly on the middle of Anna's clean table.

HoroHoro clearly had a death wish.

However, at present, his mind was more pleasantly occupied than with thoughts of a furious Itako wielding a broom or another long poled object. His typically male could only concentrate on one thing at a time.

But then again, guys were like dogs; once they bit into something, they wouldn't let go. Tenacious little brutes.

"But Tamao….." he complained, looking at her with big eyes.

Even in spite of her embarrassment, the girl found herself smiling fondly at her friend, poking her nose out from the roll of black wool. Outside the Asakura household, a blizzard was raging and as such she had been forced to dress warmly. Pale jeans hung around her skinny legs, swamping them in the battered fabric, making the already petite girl seem more diminutive by the second, while the black roll neck sweater made her pale skin seem even lighter, bordering on a porcelain translucency. Of course, her hair was anything, but pale.

Odd, that such a timid girl would have such shocking hair of a bubblegum pink hue.

"Now, HoroHoro-Kun, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine, really." She tried to keep her voice level and airy, waving a wooden spoon for emphasis as she leaned against the countertop, clothes covered in the protective covering of her linen apron. The picture of domesticity.

HoroHoro just quirked a disbelieving brow with an amazing amount of restraint in that he didn't voice some tactless comment. His appearance was the same as always – a true Northerner; the cold didn't bother him unduly. The only change was that his shorts had been switched for black jeans, clinging to his long limbs in a way that made many females swoon, as did the way his hair curled deliciously at the nape of his neck.

The whole snow boarder attire didn't detract from his appeal of course.

For now, his only comment was a muffled "humph." He would drag it out of her later, relentless and continuous attack was always a sound tactical plan when dealing with Tamao Tamamura.

The prophetess shivered, her sixth sense kicking in as she looked at the bluenette with wide eyes. She knew that look, distraction, quick!

"Um…I hear Jun-Sama has bought herself a new dress, one with a slit up both sides," she said hurriedly, nodding up towards the ceiling, to the floor where the guest rooms were located. Due to the Yuletide season, the Asakuras were playing host to their friends and this loosely included the Tao's. As a result of Jun's cajoling, or ordering as Tamao suspected, a radiant Jun, a solid Pyron and a glowering Ren had all appeared on Yoh's doorstep the night before last.

HoroHoro waved a dismissive hand.

"My interest in girls is more than just a dress which shows off a lot of leg. I'm looking for personality, charisma…." Seeing the arch look that Tamao sent him, he sighed. "All right, Ren waved that pig sticker of his in my face and told me I'd lose my nose if I made a move on his sister. I like my nose!"

A small smile flitted across the girl's gentle features. Yoh-Sama had looked particularly laid back that evening, when the Taos had arrived, the soft light of the lamp bouncing off the virginal snow and giving his face an ethereal luminescence. Even in the face of an angry Ren, or to be more precise, the point of a burning Kwan Dao, Yoh-Sama had remained serene.

At some point during these musings, a small sigh must have escaped her rosebud lips, the sound alerting the blue haired Ainu who was lounging by the table.

"Tam?"

Receiving no answer, he squinted his eyes at his friend. Her hands were still, one holding the wooden spoon loosely by her side, the other crossed awkwardly across her body to hold onto the opposite side of her waist. Her eyes were misted over, face still buried up to her nose in her roll neck sweater.

Damn… 

"Tam!" he repeated, louder this time, actually making the effort to get up, bare feet carrying him across the chilly tiles to stand in front of her, peering down into the girl's face. HoroHoro had grown since he was thirteen, considerably. Now, at the oh so mature age of nineteen, he topped six foot, several inches taller than the seventeen year old Tamao.

Waving a deliberate hand in front of her trance like face, the Shaman was rewarded by the mist clearing from his friend's dark eyes, a rather startled look replacing it as she looked confusedly up at him.

Double damn… 

"I'm…I'm sorry HoroHoro-Kun, I was just thinking…" Tamao said, her cheeks flushing again as he gaze lowered. She had never been one for keeping eye contact.

"About Yoh?" HoroHoro said dryly, heading back to his seat, straddling it backwards and resting his chin on folding arms.

The pink haired girl was speechless, lips parted as she stared at the bluenette with shocked eyes.

"Yoh-Sama? Why would I be thinking about Yoh-Sama?" she said finally, but a few moments too late to be believable.

"Ah, still Tam?" HoroHoro replied, pity apparent in his face. "So long and you haven't done anything about it?" His normally raucous voice was unusually hushed in the quiet kitchen.

"But I wasn't…I mean I wouldn't…" Tamao's stutter had returned with a vengeance, as had the panicked look in her eyes. Placing the spoon on the counter with trembling fingers, she clasped her hands, attempting to still their quivering. The Ainu just watched all this, eyes unreadable under the rim of his bandanna.

Tamao's verbal fumblings came to an end, the pinknette looking down towards her clasped hands as she fell silent.

Tamao had never been good at lying.

HoroHoro shifted slightly, folding his arms over his chest loosely, dark gaze level as he looked towards his friend, expression sad.

"Tamao…come on. Just tell me before I have to say it." He rubbed the bridge of his nose uncomfortably, his eyes pleading. The pinknette looked just as uncomfortable, teeth worrying the bottom shell of her lip, a slight red tinge indicating that she had broken through the skin.

A slight shake of the head still indicated her last traces of stubbornness, her chin sinking further down into the relative safety of her sweater. She couldn't say it. Saying it would make it real and as a reality it was unfeasible.

She preferred it this way.

"Tam, don't give me this sort of crap." Even HoroHoro was surprised at the harsh tone in his voice, a raw sound that grated on the ears. He winced at himself. _If that sounded bad to me, how the heck will Tam have taken it?_ he asked himself.

Tamao had frozen; her typical deer in headlights look amplified beyond her normal boundaries. She was used to cowering when Anna-Sama bellowed at her, she was used to jumping to attention when called.

She was not used to HoroHoro yelling at her. It stung. It made her want to run and hide, curl up with that one scrap of blanket she had left that made her feel young again. She didn't want to cry, not in front of her friend.

Too bad that none of those were available to her. Letting her lids slide shut, dark lashes brushed against her cheek tops, a quivering sigh, so different from the earlier one, escaping her lips. One crystal bead slipped out, lingering on the tip of a lash before trailing down the pale skin of her skin.

"Oh, Tam…"

The pinknette was suddenly aware of strong arms wrapped around her, her face pressed against a broad chest as a hand rubbed soothing circles at the small of her back. That one tooth piercing her lower lip further, she let her slim hands slip out of the swamping sleeves of her sweater, knotting in the back of HoroHoro's shirt, clutching desperately at the man who was the solid root in her life, the one who cheered her up when she was down, the one who had worked so hard to draw her out of her disabling shy shell, the one who made her laugh when no-one else could.

The one who was making her cry now.

"Geez…Tam, you should have known, love hurts."

Tamao's only response was a sort of hiccup, half muffled chuckle, half sob, fingers holding tighter onto the material in her hands. _Solid, keep solid, so solid, he's solid. _The words ran through her mind, almost mantra like as she struggled to hold on. Lean arms tightened around her and she felt warm air by her ear as lips were rested against the side of her brow, smooth except for the strands of her own hair that got caught up.

"He's a good guy honey, he won't screw you around." The words were halting, spoken in a soft voice as if in compensation for his earlier gruffness.

"Don't Horo," Tamao managed to mumble, unconsciously lapsing into the shortened name that the other Shamans in the house had given to the Ainu. As Yoh had commented mildly, the name was slightly cumbersome to call out in everyday life. As Ren had commented, not so mildly, he wasn't going to waste his breath on four syllables when half of it was exactly the same as the first bit. "Don't…I accepted it long ago." She took a shuddering breath, more tears leaking out from her tightly closed eyes, falling to be soaked up by the absorbent material of HoroHoro's shirt. "Yoh-Sama, he has a fiancée. Anna-Sama, why, if I got in the way…." There were no words to describe how the Itako would react. Both of them knew this, an unspoken fact.

The bluenette searched desperately for some words of comfort, anything that would stop the small body in his arms from quivering like that.

"Oh Tam…" he said again, voice unsteady.

"Oh Horo…" she mumbled dryly, a comment which caused them both to giggle, albeit weakly, though it faded back into silence again as if it had never existed. Slim fingers still laced themselves into the back of HoroHoro's shirt, Tamao's face still not having emerged from her sanctuary of the front of the same shirt. Invisible as her visage was, the bluenette could feel more tears staining her face, wetness seeping through to brush against his own callused skin.

In his own private opinion and he hated himself for thinking this, he agreed with Tamao's suggestion that it was an impossibility, a dream.

_Yoh's too henpecked to even think about her, _he thought morosely, moving his head so that his chin rested on the top of her soft, pink head. _Poor Tam, there's not much that she can do._

The two were unaware of how long they stood there, a steady stream of tears flowing languidly, disappearing into the white material. Hidden by a combination of her hair and HoroHoro's shirt, a small, sad smile lingered on the trembling petals that were her lips. Yet the briny liquid still flowed, bittersweet, a symbol of the constant pain she lived with.

The slowly spreading dampness on his chest announced to HoroHoro the presence of tears still and he tightened the circle of protective arms around the diminutive girl in his arms.

"I can't stop Horo," she whispered; voice a tiny echo of even her normally quiet voice. "I can't stop…loving him." If possible her voice faded even more on the last two words, the first time she had actually spoken that phrase.

The first time she had admitted it to herself.

"Don't stop Tam." His own words were quiet, spoken into the pink strands under his chin. "The worst thing you can do is give up – it may never happen, but love is what drives us. Without love," He shrugged gently, a movement that shifted them both, close as they were. "Without love, there's nothing. If you gave up on Yoh, however impossible it is, there'd be an empty hole. You'd miss the wishfulness, you'd miss that warm feeling. You'd even miss the pain."

He loosened his grip slightly, taking a step back as he rested palms on the smaller girl's shoulders, an action which startled her into looking into his dark gaze. "Don't stop loving Tam, if you stop now, you might not again." Something flickered in his eyes, something which made Tamao's breath catch in her throat. "Love is too precious to lose forever Tam, remember that."

Tamao nodded hesitantly, a smile growing on her face, sad, but serene. "Thanks HoroHoro-Kun…I'm…I'm sorry."

HoroHoro shook his head, releasing her as he walked towards the door. One callused hand resting against the doorframe, he stopped, back to her, head bowed.

"Don't be sorry for loving the wrong person Tam, we all make mistakes," he said simply before disappearing from sight.

The Prophetess stood for a few minutes looking at the place the bluenette had occupied. Had she missed something? He was always there…he wasn't Yoh, but he was her friend. Perhaps, perhaps she could heal.

She wouldn't give up on love, not until love gave up on her.

"Horo?" she called, trotting out of the kitchen and heading up the stairs towards the Ainu's room. "Horo?" she repeated softly, peering around the half open door of his room.

A feminine laugh. A masculine chuckle.

Hidden behind the frame of the door, Tamao's gaze was drawn to the bed of the room. Her best friend was lounging nonchalantly on it, long limbs sprawled carelessly over the ethnic bedspread he had brought from his homeland, the angular designs mystic. Mystic and rumpled from use. His head was propped up on the headboard, eyes half hooded as he looked towards the person who was seated at the end of the bed.

Green hair glinted in the soft light of the lamp, silky tresses immaculate, pinned up to expose the back of a smooth neck and the exotic features of the Chinese woman. Tao Jun was the source of the feminine laughter, face tilted towards the Shaman at the head of the bed. The flaps of her full length dress, a black garment embossed with golden bamboo, the shoots growing gracefully upwards towards her shapely hips, were arranged so that they revealed an expanse of creamy thigh and a tantalising glance of ruffled lace, the garter that held the source of her power.

Tamao's eyes slipped despondently away. Another mistake on her behalf. Ears assaulted with sounds of murmured conversation, interspersed with sultry laughter, the young girl walked away, intent on returning to her domestic duties. Don't think, don't crave, don't act. Just work.

One thought did flit through her mournful mind.

_Ren-San will not be pleased._

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And no, Ren-San was not at present pleased.

"Asakura, get out of my room, I'm attempting to meditate," he snapped from his position on the floor of his room. His black trousered legs were crossed, forming the half lotus position as his hands rested on his knees. Bare-chested, Yoh had a clear view of the stark tattoo on the Chinese shaman's back from his position at the door. Ren had his back to the entrance, facing the broad window that opened onto the room, the winter air filling the room with its biting chill. Mid December was not a season for sitting, half naked in a room with the windows flung open, but Ren was tough.

He had to be.

His tone as icy as the air in the room, but the lazy smile still lingered on the brunette's face.

"You've been meditating all morning, I think you've got as much inner peace as you can," Yoh drawled, flicking mahogany bangs out of his eyes with practiced ease. "You work too hard Ren."

"And you work too little Asakura," the purplenette retorted, tiger eyes flashing a derogatory glance towards the figure in the doorway. "I am content to meditate for the moment."

Even with his gaze facing forwards, the Chinese teen felt the smile that Yoh produced, a lopsided one which seemed to hang languidly from his lips.

"Are you content to meditate knowing that your sister is at present in Horo's room, unchaperoned if I saw it right," he said mildly, one fine brow arched wryly, waiting for the explosion.

"_What?" _

The words exploded from Ren's lips, his wiry body uncurling as he bounded to his feet, an oddly frantic look in his face as he shoved past Yoh, racing down the hallway.

"The Ainu baka, I told him to keep his slimy paws of my sister…" The words echoed down the hallway, only pausing as a loud crash indicated the demise of a door, immediately followed by startled yells, sinking into incoherency.

All the while, Yoh was still lounging against the doorway of Ren's room, that lazy smirk still attached to his face. Ren may have prided himself on being strong, but the Shaman was oh so predictable. And Yoh Asakura was more devious than the simple, trusting Shaman they believed him to be.

Moments were spent examining his nails idly, waiting for the moment when the yelling died down and retreating feet echoed across the hallway with the sound of a slamming door completing the incident.

Silence.

Blessed silence. Unhurriedly, Yoh strolled down the passage way towards the room he knew to be Horo's. Another room, another doorway he lounged in, taking in the carnage inside. Several chairs were tipped and a bedspread was strewn haphazardly across the surprisingly neat floor. Well, neat until Hurricane Ren had hit the small confines of the room.

In the centre of this, a rather bemused HoroHoro was sitting cross legged on the floor, absently rubbing a growing welt that was reddening one cheek.

"Did Jun slap you?" Yoh asked dryly, quirking an eyebrow again towards the Ainu.

HoroHoro looked up, vaguely surprised to see Yoh standing there, but didn't question it. Smiling sheepishly, an awkward hand rising to rub the back of his neck, he shrugged.

"Um, actually Ren did." A low flush spread over his cheeks and a few muttered words were spoken under his breath, a fact that did not bode well for the Chinese Shaman. "Then Jun got mad and kinda dragged him off." He grinned raggedly. The memory of the infamous Tao Ren being dragged off by his big sister was priceless, a point that the bluenette would use to jab Ren with later on.

He was distracted from his musings by cool fingers lacing around his chin, tilting upwards so he looked into a pair of chocolate eyes. HoroHoro may have been looking at the eyes anyway, but the eyes were focused on the offended cheek.

"Nasty. Ren must be used to bitch fights." Yoh said mildly, fingers nudging HoroHoro's face until it was tipped slightly at an angle, the injured cheek facing Yoh's scrutiny. The ice shaman was slightly bemused by all this, but then again, he had been bemused by a lot today. "You should get some ice for that, you know?"

HoroHoro allowed himself to grin, gesturing towards the bottom of his bed. Kororo emerged, looking haunted and shell shocked, but determinedly hovered over to her partner, uttering a petulant coo at the state of the room. Settling herself on the Ainu's knee, she looked up at him, face peeping shyly out from under her lily pad.

HoroHoro jus smiled fondly, tapping his red cheek.

"Give us a kiss honey."

Kororo squeaked happily and proceeded to hover upwards, until her face was on a level with the bluenette's. Leaning forwards, she nuzzled against his cheek affectionately, blowing a small kiss towards the skin. A slight cloud appeared in the air, similar to the one that emerged from your lips on a cold winter's day. The skin twitched and relaxed, the redness fading as his Spirit's kiss of ice cooled the skin considerably.

HoroHoro gave a sigh of relief and patted the Korokuppur gently on the head. "Thanks, now run and play – I think Morphine's waiting."

The diminutive spirit gave another ridiculously happy squeak before drifting out of the doorway, turning in the direction of the room Lyzerg had taken over. Yoh had just watched the whole proceedings, another lazy smile on his face as he gripped HoroHoro's cheek and inspected the cheek again.

"Alright then, no ice needed," he stated calmly. "Pretty nifty trick you got there Horo."

"Yep….um, Yoh?"

"Uhum…"

"You can let go of my face now." Horohoro looked pointedly down at the slim fingers tilting his face to one side, attempting to shrug them off, but finding surprising strength in the slender digits. "Um, Yoh?"

All he received was one of those smiles and a shushing noise as the brunette continued to look intently at the cheek, one finger idly sweeping a path across the smooth skin on the Ainu's chin. Yoh's lips were lopsided as he cast his gaze over the Shaman he held in his hands.

Smooth skin. It must have been hard to keep it like that in the cold weather up north. The same went for his hair. The few times Yoh had had a chance to touch it, the tresses had felt like silk in his hands. His own mahogany bangs were soft, but HoroHoro's…

"Yoh?" HoroHoro was certainly confused as he firmly pulled his face away, turning and surveying the mess his room was in. Anna would kill him….With a sigh the bluenette stood, trying to sort his room into some semblance of order.

The brunette smiled again. He could wait. He had been patient before.

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How long was it acceptable to just sit and watch someone before it became uncomfortable? Because Yoh had just sat solidly still for an hour, simply watching HoroHoro tidy his room. The Ainu was now uneasy and he had been avoiding looking at his friend, but now, when he had run out of things to do. Turning slowly, he finally faced the brunette who was sitting on his bed now.

"What do you want Yoh?" he asked bluntly, legs akimbo as he glared at the Shaman on his bed.

Yoh just smiled evasively, leaning back on his hands and looking levelly at the irate HoroHoro.

"Hey, am I not allowed to hang out with a friend anymore?" he asked mildly, lips quirking again.

The bluenette shook his head vehemently, raising his eyebrows as he strode over to where Yoh was sitting. "Hang out? Do you call watching me tidy my room hanging out?" He let out a snort, looking down at the seated teen. "Don't fuck me around Yoh."

"What if I want to?"

That succeeded in making HoroHoro speechless.

"Come again?" he managed to say finally, voice croaking slightly, a fact he was less than happy about.

Yoh simply smiled, standing slowly, skinny frame unfolding from his seated position. Lazy, rolling steps carried him towards the warily watching Ainu, an exploring finger tracing its way up the outside curve of his white shirted arm.

Still unsure of what was going on exactly, HoroHoro just stood there, eyes as wide as Tamao's, while that one finger climbed higher, dipping briefly into the crook of his elbow.

"Yoh?" he questioned again, voice definitely carrying a quiver now. Shifting his weight backwards, he found he was unable to when one finger turned to a hand gripping his elbow, holding him fast.

"Horo, don't be so hasty," a low voice said, a very close, low voice as Yoh's lips had suddenly found their way towards the bluenette's ears, warm air causing HoroHoro to shiver.

This was wrong.

His mind was screaming this as Yoh's other hand rose up to grip the Ainu's chin again, head tilted to one side as feather soft lips trailed a meandering path down from his ear, along the smooth shaft of his neck.

"Me? Hasty?" he managed to say, squirming futilely in the brunette's surprisingly strong grip. "What about you?"

"Trust me," Yoh murmured between kisses, soft brown layers dipping to tickle against HoroHoro's skin. "This has taken _far _too long."

_No it hasn't, this shouldn't be happening._

"Dammit Yoh, just get off me." HoroHoro snapped finally, jerking his head away, twitching his arm out of his friend's grip. A friend who was now looking at him from confused lust filled eyes. Not able to meet that hurt brown gaze, HoroHoro looked away. "Yoh…I just don't swing that way," he said at last, gaze downcast. "I'm sorry."

Rejection stung the brunette's heart and he let out an inaudible gasp as he felt the inner pain.

"Horo…" he whispered, eyes imploring as he looked towards the uncomfortable bluenette.

HoroHoro sighed, reaching out to grab Yoh's arm and led him over to the bed, seating him at the foot while he himself lowered down onto the head, keeping a distance between them.

"Yoh, think clearly," he said calmly, managing to control his own confusion so he could aid his friend. Odd, he seemed to be giving love advice to everyone these days.

"I am." A hand twitched, as if it were going to reach out towards the teen at the end of the bed, but Yoh obviously battled to control it. His words were serious though and spoken so.

That made it all the worse, HoroHoro thought as he rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a headache coming on. Yoh was serious. This wasn't a joke. It was all too much today, so many problems, so many people close to him affected.

_Oh crap, Tam…._

Yoh clearly liked guys. So it wasn't just Anna the timid girl had to contend with, but any cute guy which caught the brunette's eye.

HoroHoro froze, eyes glazing over with shock. He was the guy that had caught the brunette's eye. He was the one who was effectively competing with Tamao.

_What the hell? I don't want Yoh!, _a confused part of his mind yelled at him.

"Horo…I…I think I love you."

_Ah, but Yoh wants you, _a mocking voice said, wheedling its way into his confused consciousness, frozen by the revelation of Yoh's words. _Yoh loves you, he just told you._

"No." HoroHoro's words were whispered to himself, but they still carried across to the watching Yoh. The bluenette took a few moments to realise that he had actually spoken.

Oh crap… 

The brunette's head had dropped, chin almost touching his lean chest, though, drawing on some inner strength drummed into him by Anna, his posture remained steady.

"Sorry Horo…" he murmured flatly, fingers which had previously caressed the skin of the Ainu before him, toying with the fringed edge of the bedspread.

"_Don't be sorry for loving the wrong person, Tam, we all make mistakes."_

HoroHoro gave a grim smile; so many people with the same problem. And he only had one answer to give.

"Don't be sorry for loving the young person Yoh…" he let out a sigh, perplexed by the number of times he had said in one day. From anyone else's point of view, it would have been an ironic situation.

Not for him. HoroHoro was tearing apart inside with guilt. Guilt for hurting his friend through rejection and guilt for drawing attention from the friend who Tamao's heart clearly belonged to. It was all so complicated, he wanted to scream his frustration.

_Love isn't fair._

The thought came crystal clear through the murkiness of his current state of mind.

_Love isn't fair yet we cannot go on without it._

HoroHoro gave a sad smile, leaning back against the headboard of his bed, hands fisting in his lap as he looked steadily towards his friend.

"We can't control who we love Yoh," he said, that same underlying tinge of sadness in his voice, images of a certain girl running through his mind. Disjointed images. A sweep of hair, a flash of a smile, a soft female laugh.

_Concentrate baka, _the voice chastised, _Agony Aunt time, remember?_

"The point is, love drives us and all we can do is follow it blindly." HoroHoro continued hurriedly, attempting to cover up his rather long pause. "We don't choose its path…"

Yoh looked long and hard at the sadly serene HoroHoro, his eyes searching, longing, pleading…then resigned.

His gaze fell away from the bluenette's eyes, resting on his own feet as he stood, dignified to the last.

"You're right Horo," he murmured, voice listless. "How harsh for me to have to love an impossibility." Small steps carried him towards the door and he paused, looking back towards the ice shaman, a tiny part of him hoping, yearning that there would be a cry to stop.

None came. HoroHoro made no move to stop him, expression unreadable as he watched the brunette levelly. He couldn't feel now, if he let himself feel, guilt would tear him apart. Be the ice, you are the ice…So he just watched. He watched as Yoh's frame slumped, he watched as Yoh turned away, he watched Yoh leave. He just watched.

Silence reined again in the room, a still statue on the bed, eyes dark in his pale face.

"Nothing is impossible Yoh," he whispered, voice tiny in the compressing silence. "It just isn't very likely."

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That night, the Asakura residence was silent, as always. People slept and spirits watched. Darkness twined around the rooms, even the light of the moon obscured by clouds.

Yet three remained awake, three did not succumb to the beckonings of all peaceful sleep. Three pairs of eyes looked towards the stars as three bodies were resting at the window. Three minds were in turmoil, all over one word.

Love.

One was resigned to the perpetual heartache she had grown unaccustomed to, yet unaware as yet of the way her desire's true feelings lay. Curled up in a blanket, her thin frame leaned on the window frame, eyes turned towards the clouds that fogged the sky. Silent pain, gnawing pain, but a controlled pain. Pain so deeply etched inside herself that it was her, it had become her. The one whose essence was based on a longing for something she could not have. A one to be pitied.

One was coming to terms with a new hurt, with rejection. The pang and burn of being turned away. His body was propped on the windowsill, profile etched by the light of the streetlamps outside, eyes downcast. A slow simmer of anger bubbled inside. He hated that he loved what he couldn't have. He hated the pain. He hated the fact that he had acted. He hated the fact that his actions had been refused. He hated himself for hating, for being stuck in this perpetual downwards spiral. He hated love, but in a way he was love. It was simple. He hated himself.

And one was remorseful, expression tormented as he shivered in the chill air, bare torso leaning out on the balcony. Burdened soul and burdened mind. Three sets of problems, all interconnected. His friend's which he had rejected, his other friend's which he had inadvertently furthered and his own which were unresolved.

Three sets of eyes and three sets of unshed tears. Three sets of lips, yet none of them kissed. Three hearts all pained to breaking point.

Three people, all in pain, yet worlds apart.

Three people, so close in person, separated only by thin walls.

Three people, lost and alone.

One thing that joins them.

Love.

_Love isn't fair, but love is life._

_Life is made bearable by love._

_Love is the mirror in which we see ourselves._

_But is the reflection true?_

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Lell: /Shivers/ I actually wrote the beginnings of a het fic….I feel weird…

Yoh: o.0 What the hell did you do to me? /Sniffles/ I thought you loved me, but here you are ruining my life.

Lell: /Soothingly/ Don't worry, I'm mucking up HoroHoro's and Tamao's lives as well.

HoroHoro: /Icily/ We noticed.

Tamao: /From behind couch/ We do seem to be having a bit of a hard time, don't we?

Yoh: /Eye twitch/ No, you don't say?

Lell: Ahem. /Has own eye twitch/

Yoh and HoroHoro: Meep…/Joins Tamao behind couch/

Lell: /Pouts/ Fine. Well, you may have noticed that I haven't actually specified which pairings I will be focusing. /Grins/ I like to keep it interesting, I hope you'll all have fun trying to figure them out – I'm toying with two very different storylines right now, so, I guess it could swing either way….

Oh and I forgot the disclaimer earlier…..No, I won't say it! /Looks noble and defiant/

/Is surrounded by dark suited lawyers/

No, I won't say it!

/Watches lawyers move towards manga/

Wait! Okay, I give in! /Clutches manga to chest and sniffles/ Fine, I don't own Shaman King.

/Watches lawyers leave/

But if I did…..


	2. Night is Falling

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

Well, here comes chapter two – sorry for the wait, I'm trying to actually finish up some of my stories now so I was madly writing up my Yu-Gi-Oh fic. Anyway, here it is, at last thank God. Enjoy.

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"Anna-Sama?" a tremulous voice quavered. A voice which expected a snap or a blow. A voice which was always submissive to the point of invisibility.

"What is it?" This voice was sharper, more impatient as if the speaker had the weight of the world on their shoulders and this interruption was the last thing she would have wanted at that moment.

An indrawn breath. "We've run out of milk."

Stony silence.

Tension. Anxiety. A tinge of fear. "I'm sorry, I didn't think!" The soft voice speaker, clearly unnerved by the silence with which the words had been received had rushed in, a waterfall of words flowing from her lips. "Ren-San, he drank more then I thought and I hadn't anticipated just how many people would…"

Silence again. Abruptly, as if the speaker had been cut off, probably by a gesture designed to stop her. The brooding absence of words. One could only wonder at the kind of look which the speaker was being treated to at this point in the proceedings.

A soft sigh, a butterfly whisper of a breath. A small sound which conveyed so much regret yet acceptance of their place in the world.

"I'll just go out to the store then." Footsteps that somehow managed to sound tired, awkward and the soft click of a door that was allowed to close with a controlled gesture, instead of just letting it fall back with its own gravity.

Little things.

The listener uttered his own sigh, shaking his head over the scene he had just witnessed, yet without any visuals. Oddly, the sounds were more insightful than a watched scene could ever be.

Insightful? This was a rather deep thought from the normally blunt HoroHoro. Perhaps it was due to the haze of sleep which still lingered over his consciousness, proved by the rather lengthy and undignified yawn the blue haired man now gave as he, judging that the kitchen was now safe, apart from the ever looming presence commonly known as Anna, pushed open the door, peeking around the solid wooden frame.

"Make up your mind Ainu, you're making a draft."

Yes, definitely Anna. Smiling sheepishly, he padded in, letting the door close with an echoing slam. Wincing, he looked towards the blonde who he now saw was sitting calmly at the kitchen table.

Oddly, in the place he had occupied the day before. HoroHoro suppressed a snicker at what Anna would say, no, correction, screech, if she had seen him in his sprawled out pose, feet propped carelessly on the table. This was opposed to her neat, poker straight figure. Alert, that was the word for it, her demeanour. Ever watchful, even if her eyes were half closed.

Half-mast eyes, a sign that she was at her most observant.

The 'Ainu' as she had so charmingly referred to him as sauntered lazily in, his normal cocky swagger apparent. By now it was an automatic gesture, simply the way HoroHoro did things now. Confidence, or at least a façade of it.

"Was that Tamao I just missed?" he asked mildly, zooming in on the steaming pot of coffee with the tenacity he went through life with.

A sniff. Silence always seemed to be Anna's weapon of choice these days.

"I'll take that as a yes then," he said brightly, having no qualms about breaking the silence inflicted by the blonde Itako. A steaming cup in his hand, brown liquid blessedly strong, HoroHoro seated himself across the table from Anna, taking an idle sip of his beverage.

Silence reined again, yet it was a comfortable one, at least for the blue haired shaman. He was comfortable – the passage of time had allowed him to build up at least some resilience to Anna's icy nature.

_You'd think she was the one with power over snow, _he thought dryly to himself, dark gaze skimming across to the slender woman opposite him, a small smile playing around his lips. Savouring the rich taste of the coffee, HoroHoro was content to sit in silence, lazing about.

He seemed to have been doing a lot of that recently – relaxation was his aim in life and he seemed to have achieved it.

"Could you be any more of a lazy slob?"

_Man, she has to stop being _that _intuitive._

"What do you mean, Anna?" HoroHoro drawled carelessly, not bothering to move from his sprawled out position, fingers still curled around the almighty coffee mug.

"What I mean is, for the past what is it? Six years. Six years since the Shaman tournament and what have you accomplished, hmm?"

Now this was one question the Ainu had not been expecting and to be honest it unnerved him. What had he done since he had lost?

_Nothing, _a treacherous part of his mind whispered and his eyes unconsciously fell away from Anna, coffee mug still hovering in front of his face, forgotten.

"Hmm," A satisfied smirk on Anna's part. "I thought as much. Have you given up on your little horticultural dream?"

_Home…the Korokuppur…lily pad field…I hadn't forgotten, I was just waiting for…_

"Yoh said…"

"Yoh said what? He'd help you?" A contemptuous noise which in a lesser person would have been described as a snort, but for the higher being that was Anna, it was simply a sound of disbelief. "Yoh isn't even fixed up to complete his own dreams, a fact I intend to remedy."

Narrowed eyes, dark gaze boring relentlessly into the man who sat opposite from her. A sudden change in tone, colder, harsher, a voice that pierced HoroHoro's defences easily.

"The honeymoon period is over, for all of you. I'm tired of people lounging around this house, my good for nothing fiancée included."

Even in the midst of the awkwardness that came about from suddenly seeing his shortcomings in the bright light of day, the bluenette managed to find some sympathy for his laid back friend.

_Wait, Anna on a rant, better shut up and listen…_

"So what are you going to do about it?" A slim hand drummed restless fingers on the smooth table, fingernails uttering a demanding clicking noise. "Are you going to do anything at all?"

HoroHoro was wordless, speechless, unable to do anything, but stare at Anna. What was he going to do? What could he do? He'd always seen himself becoming Shaman King and just…somehow managing to create the lily field which would save his people's spirit companions. He had had no realistic picture after losing, simply thinking, no assuming, that Yoh would help him out…

_Yoh…last night…crap, there's no way he's ever going to help me now, not after I said no to him…_

There must have been some sign of realisation, a look of despondency on his face for Anna made a satisfied sound in the back of her throat.

"Didn't think so," she sniffed, standing up, the hem of her customary black dress falling loosely around her thighs. "I'll ring the airline then."

"Nani?" The surprise was evident in his voice as he watched her with large eyes. "Airline?"

A condescending tone, one more commonly used on Manta. "So we can book you a flight home – it's about time you actually did something for once."

This was a real jaw dropping moment and HoroHoro obligingly did so. Had the Itako just organised to have him shipped home? Had he missed something in this conversation?

_No, Anna made a decision and you just played into her hands._

And what Anna wants, Anna gets. The bluenette sighed, despondently, standing slowly. Resignation, that enough was clear as the Ice Shaman gave in to the stony Itako's wishes. "Fine…whatever…"

Coffee forgotten on the table, HoroHoro made his way towards the door, but stopped obediently as an icy voice commanded him to.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

"I'd start packing now, Ainu. You're on the first flight I can book."

An intake of breath and its slow, anguished release. _Barely enough time to say goodbye…_

Goodbyes, so many friends. People who were closer than friends, people who were an integral part of his soul. Life without the threats of Ren or the sheer sleaziness of Ryu. Going through each day without the customary playful ruffle of Manta's hair or the exchange of flirtations with Jun, much to her brother's annoyance which led to the afore mentioned threats.

Kororo would be distraught – leaving Lyserg or more specifically Morphin behind and HoroHoro had his own regrets. Yoh, their friendship was one of the foundations on which he built his life. But there was faint relief in the fact that he was leaving – that Yoh felt anything more than friendship for him was unnerving and painful. Perhaps it would be better if he left…easier on both sides.

Pink hair. Shy eyes. A hesitant voice.

_Tam…Shit…_

How could he have forgotten? How could he just leave his best friend behind? It had been hard enough for her to open up to _him, _how was she going to keep up that small flower of confidence she showed around him? She'd be crushed, she'd revert back to the stuttering girl he had first met. In some ways, she still was that painfully shy girl, but around him…around him he had worked to bring out her true nature.

He didn't want to go…he didn't want to think about life without all those people, the ones he had become accustomed to.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

"Oh and HoroHoro…"

The sharp tones cut the Ainu out of his misery, his gaze jerking towards the blonde woman who seemed to be so callously tearing his life apart.

"You will be taking Tamao with you – I've had enough of her hovering around, not knowing what to do." Anna sniffed disparagingly, contempt obvious for the shy pink haired girl. "Try and get her to find a backbone while you two are up north."

Another jaw dropping moment. Was Anna, cold hearted Anna showing consideration? In allowing him to travel with his friend, to not be parted…no, Anna just wanted more of an opportunity to torture Yoh on her own without any distractions.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

A slow smile spread across his face and he was on the verge of actually jumping for joy.

"Don't gawp, go and pack!"

HoroHoro was actually tempted to go 'Yes Sir,' simply because of her military command, but for health and safety reasons he refrained from commenting; one of the wiser choices he had made in his life.

What to pack? What to leave behind? Did his family keep what clothes he left behind? No, they'd be too small now…it had been so long since he'd been home. Pirika, he'd be able to see her again! Unlike Renny-boy, he had been wise enough to keep his sister away from the rather rambunctious men that inhabited this house.

Sisters always seemed to bring out the protective side in men.

"Ainu, I won't say it again, get out of my sight."

"Eeep…"

Once the dust cloud from HoroHoro's departure had faded, revealing Anna still in her standing position by the table, silence filled the room, perhaps even more fully than before.

Eyes latched onto the forgotten cup of coffee, though fingers made no move to tidy it away. To those not versed in Anna-psychology, one would have thought that nothing had changed, that the rumours were true and that she didn't have any emotions.

To those that knew her better…they might have been uneasy. The small lift of the corners of her lips, the strange gleam in her eyes, these were warnings enough. Anna was satisfied.

Red bandanna rippling sinuously down her back, the silken lengths containing her corn silk tresses, the Itako turned away from the table with a dismissive sound.

Mission successful.

_I will not have any interference with Yoh – it's about time that he realised he will be mine alone. I'm tired of having that pitiful excuse for a prophetess simpering around him – she's only deluding herself._

A slight square of the jaw, the barest hint of a frown creasing her smooth brow. Anger. Anger lurking beneath the glacial front she lurked behind,

_Yoh needs time, he needs to realise that what he thinks of as love is merely a pitiful form of friendship. I will not be second best!_

The strong willed woman walked slowly and decisively out of the room, gaze distant and impenetrable as always.

_Especially not to some jumped up Ainu with a snow fetish._

In a whirl of black cloth, red silk and blonde hair, the Itako was gone, her wants having been satisfied for now.

What Anna wants, Anna gets.

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"You'll take care of yourself now, won't you?"

"Yes Jun-San."

"And don't forget to phone – you do remember the number?"

"Yes Jun-San."

"Oh and if you ever get tired of HoroHoro, you call right away and I'll come pick you up."

"Yes Jun-San."

"And stop calling me Jun-San, it makes me feel old."

"Yes Jun…um, Jun-Kun."

"There, that wasn't so hard was it?"

"No Jun-Kun."

The green haired woman gave an exasperated sigh as she looked at the timid Tamao from her position on the floor beside the moderately sized suitcase.

"Is this all you're taking?" she asked, gesturing to the suitcase in question which she had had no problems in closing.

The pink haired girl nodded, twisting her hands restlessly in the baggy black material of her trousers, skin pale against the stark colour. "That and my carry bag…it was very nice of you to allow us to use your plane Jun-Kun, I'm not sure I would have been able to afford the fare otherwise."

_Is she always this painfully polite?, _Jun thought curiously to herself, running absent fingers down the side of her dress.

"It's no problem, dear – Ren didn't mind, at least not too much."

His actual words had been somewhere along the lines of, 'As long as the baka doesn't contaminate the water supply, let him."

Tamao flushed and looked down at her interlocked fingers, the slender digits wrapped awkwardly around each other.

"That was very kind of your brother," she murmured quietly, now rifling through the contents of her small black bag. Passport, check, bank book, check, sketch book, check…

"What about this Tamao, will you be taking this?" Jun's curious voice roused the pink haired girl from her study of the three times checked bag. The older woman held a photo elegantly between two fingers, as one would hold a cigarette. Turning the thin sheet, she handed it over, Tamao taking it with tentative fingers, regardless of the fact that it was hers.

**Flashback:**

"HoroHoro-Kun, I think you've had too much sake," Tamao chuckled helplessly as she batted away the hand that sought to loop over her shoulders.

"No…I haven't had as much as Ren," the blue haired Shaman protested, lips forming a slight pout as he looked at his friend. "'sides, it's Yoh's eighteenth, we're supposed to get drunk." He said this last part proudly, waving his small cup around with a cheer most would fail to reach. "Have you had any?"

"I'm only sixteen," the petite prophetess said gently, attempting to subtly reach around and take the sake glass from him. "I'm not old enough to drink."

"Really?" HoroHoro asked, looking surprised as he squinted at her, causing a red tinge to paint her pale cheeks.

"Hey HoroHoro, stop monopolising all the pretty girls, eh?" The raucous toned voice of Ryu rang out as the pompadoured man started to sway unsteadily towards the pair.

HoroHoro, in a moment of sanity, must have seen the horrified look on his friend's face as she saw the white suited man advance towards her, trying to hide behind her Ainu companion without being obvious, for he scowled at Ryu and grabbed Tamao's arm.

"Nuh-uh Ryu, go and play with Lyserg," he said stubbornly, tilting his chin as he pointed towards the English teen who was standing uneasily at the edge of the group, a glass of what looked like water in his hand. Easily distracted in his rather inebriated state, the older man complied, lurching over towards the delicately featured teen.

Giggling out of sheer embarrassment, Tamao winced at the startled yelps which she heard from the direction Ryu had taken, probably stemming from poor Lyserg being groped.

"That wasn't nice HoroHoro-Kun," she remonstrated, but, when faced with his mournful expression, relented, "But it was a very kind thing to have done anyway."

Like a puppy who had just been praised, the blue haired man grinned, exuberantly, not seeming to notice that his female friend had just relieved him of his sake as she had been attempting earlier.

"Neatly done," a warm voice commented and Tamao looked up into a pair of very lazy, brown eyes, all their attention fixed on her. She gulped, suddenly very conscious of her scruffy appearance, black trousers and her customary baggy white top.

"Yoh-Sama," she gulped uneasily, absently allowing HoroHoro to lean on her as he smiled fondly at them both, mumbling something about snow and new plum wine under his breath. "I…he…happy birthday." She attempted the respectful bow that she normally gave him, but staggered under the weight of the Ainu leaning on her.

"Here…" She was also now forced to be aware of a warm body on either side of hers, indeed, both now seemed to be supporting her instead of her holding HoroHoro up.

This may have had something to do with the weakness in her knees caused by the close proximity of a certain brown haired Shaman King.

With her own arms looped around her Ainu friend's waist and his arms around her shoulders, Tamao was in no position to fend off Yoh who was holding her around her own slim hips, a fact which caused the embarrassed flush to deepen on her features.

Luckily for her, when you blush pretty much all the time, people hardly notice it any more.

"Say cheese!"

A flash of bright light had left her blinking owlishly, white dots dancing in her vision only to clear and reveal a smiling Manta, who, unlike the rest of the group, had seemed sober and in his right mind. Except for the camera he held, which he seemed to have got the most inappropriate shots on, including several of Ryu doing unspeakable things to a haunted looking Lyserg.

**End Flashback:**

Tamao smiled absently down at the photo she held, unaware of actually how long she had just spent looking at the picture in her hands.

That night, she had been able to smell the alcohol on both of their breaths, the string scent of sake mixed with the less harsh rice wine they had begun the evening sipping at.

In the photo, the light was dim and hazy, the resolution grainy, but the pose was perfect. Laughing out of sheer nerves at the time, Tamao had somehow managed to look happy, eyes dancing, hair flicked back to expose her smooth porcelain skin, pink strands intermingled with both blue and brown lengths of hair. HoroHoro had his chin on her shoulder, impudent grin directed towards the camera out of teasing eyes. Then there was Yoh, his head over her own, lazy eyes looking over her with a fond expression. You couldn't tell who he was looking at, but the poor girl who was looking at the picture now, in some deep corner of her heart, hoped that it was her he looked at with such compassion.

If she only knew.

"So, will you be taking it?" Jun asked quietly, a serene smile hovering around her peerless features, her hair down for once, softly haloing her face.

"Yeah…guess so," the younger girl said quietly, tucking the photo quickly into her carry on bag and placing it neatly on her bed as she looked around her room.

So bare. Empty. No trace she had lived there except for a few scattered belongings she needed to bag up to go into storage. A skeleton a room. And she was leaving it behind.

A pang, a pain that needled her heart, pain tempered with relief.

She was leaving part of her soul behind in the care of one who didn't even seem to know he held it.

"So are you all packed?"

A final look. Last chance to say no.

"I think so…yes, I'm ready."

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A shadow in a doorway cutting a razor sharp across the room, rosy in the afternoon light. A single shadow falling into the vision of the man who was currently trying to close his suitcase.

"You're leaving?"

There was so much in that one question. Hurt, fear, perhaps hope that it wasn't true. Vulnerability opened up by that one little phrase. Three syllables. They never meant so much.

HoroHoro closed his eyes, fingers lingering over the clasp of the suitcase before closing it with a decisive click and turning to face the one who stood so warily at his door, literally clinging to the doorframe to stay upright.

"Yeah…" What else could one say to such an obvious question.

A pause, a silence. There were so many silences, ones that he had experienced today. This was teetering with emotion. Raw silence waiting to be broken with confessions or denials. Tension coming close to overload.

"I don't want you to go." A whisper. Breaking point. Desperation. A trembling lip and catch in the throat as the words faded into silence once more.

"I don't want to go either," the blue haired man said, attempting to keep a similar huskiness from his own voice, determined to stay strong. "But Anna ordered me to go and I must comply."

His weak attempt at humour also lost the battle to hang in the air, to lighten the mood and also fell into the void where no joy could follow.

Teeth biting into a lower lip and a sudden reminder of another friend doing that when faced with the sorrow a breaking heart brings.

"You won't get away from me that easily." Pain yes, but determination. Anger in the midst of anguish.

A sigh escaped HoroHoro's lips as he stood, lean frame unfolding. Crossing the small distance to the door, he looked into damp brown eyes, looking at them with all the comfort he could muster.

"I'm not trying to get away from you," he said quietly, tone sincere. "I'm just fulfilling a dream."

"While crushing my own." A violent retort, designed to sting, to detract from the pain he was already feeling. "You think you can just leave and that will make all of this go away?" A sharp sweeping gesture crossing the space between them yet never bridging a further gap. "Well it won't, you won't escape me Horo, never. Things won't change. You can't…you can't take yourself away from me." The catch was more obvious, the hitch of breath, the indrawn sob. "You'll see…I won't let it stop me."

Silence again and then a violent hug, bone crushing and given with feeling on both parts. Faces buried in shoulders and arms locked around each other, the pain of parting fuelling a fire in each of them, though in different ways.

Pulling back, definite tear tracks on his face now, crystalline drops perfect against the smooth ivory of his skin.

"Don't forget me Horo."

Escape, sounded by a sudden turn, him fleeing around the corner and out of sight.

Silence of a different kind. Melancholiness yet all for new beginnings. A dream ending yet another starting.

A sigh, ragged, but firm. Resolution, but realisation of a part of him that had just died. The end of innocence, the knowledge that love is a double bladed weapon and even love in a different form cannot soothe the pain of knowing that it isn't the right sort.

Gaze falling to the floor where sun still lingered bravely as a rosy cloud on the polished floor. Burnished gold and dusky pink underlying the deep rose. There's more than one colour in a single beam of light, dust motes dancing in it's golden depths. There's more than one view to the end of all things.

"I won't forget you Yoh."

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Well, -**Looks at watch- **It's now four in the morning and I've just watched Return of the King all the way through twice while writing this. Yes, I managed to scrape this together in one day. Anyway…it's just the end of that movie, it makes me so sad, bittersweet in a way. And the song, Into the West – never fails to make me cry. I'm crying right now, but in a good way. I'm such a sucker for endings like that. God bless Elijah Wood, his performance was just so…

Um, anyway – that explains the odd mood at the end of the chapter, I was trying to convey that idea of life as they knew it heading Into the West as it happens Hopefully **–Crosses fingers-**

**Reviews:**

**Amichanfan12345: **Thanks sweetie, yes it is weird, but recently, all of my plot bunnies have been het based. O.o Weird, isn't it?

**Ren F:** Thanks and I did, clearly

**Wish he was Mine: **You do have a name it is…**-Drum roll- **Grace! XD Nah, thanks Tracee, luff you.

**Shadowed Mediocrity: **Well, thank you for taking the time to read them – I thoroughly enjoy your fics as you probably know. HoroHoro is gawky! Six years can't change that – he's still greedy, lazy and prone to exteme random moments, but at least he means well.

I'm touched that you think I got their characters right…I try as hard as I can to stay loyal, but sometimes my muse runs away with me. Anyway…yes, I was in a real –nette phase at that point. The word pinknette has now been scrubbed from my vocabulary. Thank you for reviewing and know that I'll be reviewing your work as well.


	3. Clouded Dawn

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

Heehee, chapter three – another one written at three in the morning. Of course, on Wednesday, I go back to school, so chapters will be slower, not that anyone cares of course. Anyway, enjoy – I like this chapter, but then again, I'm biased – animals and fluff, good good.

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"This'll be your room Tam, hope you like it."

The creaky wooden door swung slowly open to reveal the room it hid behind its sturdy frame. The bright noon light illuminated all the corners of the room, dust motes frozen in a moment in time for all to see.

The flat bed could be found at the far side of the room, head nestled comfortably under the bay windows. Made of dark wood, knot holes a pale contrast to the rich coloured background, it was covered in a faded coverlet, similar to the one which had adorned HoroHoro's bed back in the Asakura residence, but older, one not used for a long time, but carefully, lovingly preserved.

Memories, memories trapped in one small room.

Wall hangings of the same native design adorned the walls, softening the angular lines of the boxed room, rafters slanting upwards to meat the main crossbeams which formed the roof of the house. Standing at the top of a small staircase, leading up from the larger second floor, this room and the one opposite it had been built right into the attic, explaining the sloping ceiling of both rooms.

Dust may have lingered in some of the corners and there may not have been much in the way of furniture – the bed, the window seat, a small chest of drawers and a bedside table, but the room had clearly been prepared carefully, warm welcome apparent in the carefully folded eiderdown and the steam that rose from a bowl on the nightstand.

Little things that brought a smile to Tamao's face as she looked shyly into the small room.

"I'm sorry, it's a bit small, but we didn't have much room," HoroHoro said, scanning the room with anxious eyes, "I hadn't realised that Pirika would be at home as well and…"

He was halted when his pink haired friend turned to him with her shy little smile and a quick dip of her head.

"It's wonderful HoroHoro-Kun, thank you," she said, looking so thankful that it managed to ease his feelings of inadequacy about the simple furnishings this room provided.

Feeling a flush rise in his cheeks, the blue haired Shaman nodded sheepishly, covering his embarrassment with a gruff cough as he backed out of the doorway.

"If you need any help, my room's the one opposite from yours." He gave a small smile, gesturing with a backwards flick of his head towards the closed door across the hall. "They stuck me in the attic too, so don't be worried."

Tamao nodded minutely though a shadow of doubt did lift from her face – she had been worried that perhaps his family was not so happy about their only son bringing home a strange and shy Southern girl and that she was being shoved out of sight.

Out of sight and out of mind.

"Oh and about water…" HoroHoro had turned suddenly, another of his famous sheepish grins on his face. "We only have one running tap in the kitchen – pipes freeze easily up here in this weather." Indeed, outside, the snow was still falling, a constant cloud of white flakes which blanketed the world. "We do have a bath-house out back though, hot springs oh, and the steam room."

"Steam room?" Tamao asked curiously, intrigued at the sudden brightness that had entered her friend's face when he named the facility.

"Yes, like a sauna, oh Tam, you'll have to try it – you'll never feel so clean in your life."

Tickled by his enthusiasm, Tamoa shook her head, laughing softly all though the chuckle died out as she examined a strand of limp, travel worn hair.

"Perhaps I'll check that out later…" she said glumly, her gaze falling to eye her rumpled clothes. The hours on the plane and then the long car journey had not really agreed with her.

"Right…well, if I can see rightly," HoroHoro said, peering around her to look towards the steaming bowl on the nightstand, "Otto-San's left you some water if you want to freshen up before lunch. I'll take you out as soon as we've eaten, show you the area if you like."

A small smile, sweet in its sincerity. "That sounds wonderful."

There was a pause in conversation in which Tamao's pale cheeks slowly flushed pink again.

"Um HoroHoro-Kun?" She gestured embarrassedly to the wash basin, ducking her head, almost as if in apology.

"Oh right…" The Ainu chuckled, shaking his head over his own ineptitude as he turned back towards his own room, hearing the sound of a door being closed behind him. It would be good to have a friend in the house, to help him with his task.

"Horo, come downstairs and help your sister with lunch!"

"Yes, Okaa-San…"

Home sweet home.

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Back inside the room, Tamao uttered a quiet little sigh as she dropped her little black bag on the bed, taking a moment to run a curious finger along the soft fringed edge of the bedspread, almost childlike in the wonder she felt, exploring her surroundings through touch.

Feather light…

Amused at her own behaviour, the diminutive girl stood up from her seat on the bed, easily pulling off her baggy top, gasping as the cold Northern air made violent contact with her bare skin.

Teeth close to chattering, she hurriedly dipped a washcloth in the by now luke warm water, running it quickly over the angled lines of her collar bone, up her neck and across her bare shoulders.

Still shivering she scooped up a quick handful of the water, dashing it over her face, uttering a small sneeze as some decided to defy gravity and fly up her nose.

Eyes still closed as water ran it's rampant way down her face, she fumbled blindly for the towel she knew was hanging somewhere, only to find it closer than she expected.

Rubbing her face appreciatively against the soft material, the pink haired girl let out a contented sigh, letting it drop from her face, only to reveal a pair of beaming azure eyes.

"Aie!" Tamao yelped, stumbling backwards as she clutched the towel protectively to her chest, cheeks predictably flushing a cherry hue, the stain even spreading down to tint her neck. Painfully aware of her state of undress and the fact that her bra straps were currently slipping precariously down her angular shoulders.

The cerulean haired girl chuckled, bouncing on the balls of her steps as she looked enthusiastically at the blushing girl.

"You came, finally! I've missed you."

Blinking under the fire of such exuberant greetings, Tamao quailed slightly, blinking as she looked up at her host's sister.

"Pirika-Chan…Konnichiwa…"

Her quiet greeting was pretty much passed over as she listened to the zealous young woman carry on with her greeting, a smile on her face as words spilled like water from her lips.

The family resemblance between the sibling pair had only intensified as they had gotten older – the same proud nose, the same neat chin and of course the same sky blue locks which framed their faces. Pirika's features may have been more delicate than her more rugged brother, but there was no denying their relationship.

"You must be tired, have you had anything to eat? That's what Otto-San sent me up to ask you?" The bubbly girl's brow wrinkled as she finally seemed to become aware of her guest's state of dress. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you changing? I was just so excited to see you and it was such a treat to have Onii-San back again after so long and…"

When it seemed that the azure haired girl had finally run out of breath, Tamao, still holding the towel protectively in front of her torso, took the opportunity to smile nervously and cut in, sensing this was the only chance she would have for a while.

"Your brother has already told me about food, I was just freshening up before I came down," she said, unnerved, but still touched by the friendly welcome HoroHoro's little sister had given her. "I'll be ready in a few minutes, promise."

The Ainu girl beamed, flicking strands of blue hair over her shoulder with practiced ease as she bounded towards the door, energy radiant in the smooth lines of her body.

"See you at lunch – Otto-San's knocked up something special," she enthused, eyes bright. "It's not every day that HoroHoro brings a girl home."

"Wait, but I'm not…"

Too late – the boisterous bluenette had already exited in a flurry of long blue hair and Tamao was left alone once more, a bemused look on her face.

Right…lunch…clothes…

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"So Tamao-Chan, my son tells me that you are a Shaman also?" The dark eyes of HoroHoro's father regarded the young woman over his steaming cup of green tea, one eyebrow raised delicately.

Tamao, shooting a nervous look across the table at HoroHoro, who was still concentrating on his noodles, squirmed slightly in her seat, placing her chopstick neatly in her now empty bowl.

"Yes Usui-Sama, but on no-where near the same scale as your son," she said tentatively, hands loosely folded in her lap.

"Tam's a prophetess, 'Ka-San," HoroHoro said, still intent on scooping up the last few evasive noodles. "She can see the future."

In response to the impressed looks HoroHoro's family sent her, Tamao ducked her head, sending an exasperated glance towards her Ainu friend. "Not very well…I've only just finished my training with Master Yohmei."

"Master Yohmei?" This time it was HoroHoro's mother, a stately woman who carried herself with so much grace and elegance, the pink haired prophetess felt like a clumsy oaf beside her.

"He's Yoh's grandfather," HoroHoro supplied, having finally finished his meal. Leaning back in his chair, he fixed Tamao with a lazy, knowing smile. "She's better than she says she is, no, don't argue with me Tam, I won't have it."

Never one to go against orders, Tamao flushed, looking down at her clasped hands and thus missing the odd looks that HoroHoro's parents shared. Their son, being more observant, stood up abruptly, shedding his napkin swiftly.

"I was going to show Tam around the area," he said, gesturing towards the girl in question who stood up obligingly, bowing towards the two adults at the table and murmuring a thanks for the meal.

"It's been snowing, remember Horo?" his mother chastised gently, arching her own brow in an expression similar to her husband's. "Take the horses, you won't get so wet then."

The blue haired young man rolled his eyes, but made no objection, heading towards the door.

"Oh and take Mana as well, she needs her walk."

Another eye roll, but they were soon outside, bundled up in warm clothing as Tamao eyed HoroHoro amusedly while he attempted to wrap his scarf around his neck.

"Here…" she said, gentle fingers busily working at tying the soft blue length around his neck as she smiled slightly, an eyebrow raising as he threw up his hands in defeat.

"You didn't say you had horses?"

"Well, the forest extends pretty far and in this weather, you really need to keep above the snow." He chuckled wryly, rubbing his nose as he kept his elbows out of her way. "Otto-San thought snowmobiles caused too much pollution so, her solution was horses."

Tamao frowned, but it did make sense. Stepping backwards, she eyed the neat under and over knot she had made of his scarf with some satisfaction. "Okay, so who's Mana then?"

His only answer was a grin before he placed his fingers in his mouth, letting out a piercing whistle that made her jump. A large, furry form suddenly appeared from the back of the house, winding its way towards them, sinuous despite its size.

Hound shaped, with a build similar to a greyhound, the dog was huge, head reaching to over Tamao's waist, a fact she was very wary of. Long fur covered its graceful form, tricoloured in shades of white, grey and a rich mahogany brown. A noble muzzle, long and extended, sniffed happily at HoroHoro's hand before the dog surged upwards to place her forepaws on his shoulders, bathing his laughing face in excited licks.

"Mana...no...down girl, down," he said in between long moist, strokes of the animal's tongue. Making a face, he firmly pushed the large dog down, ruffling her ears as she sat there, panting, with a satisfied look on her long muzzle.

"This is Mana, she's a Borzoi…they're good dogs to have in the snow because of all this fur." Indeed, Mana had a lot of fur – fringing her stomach and a magnificent ruff around her neck and forelegs. "Say hello to Tam, Mana."

Before she knew what was happening, the pink haired girl felt HoroHoro grab her hand and bring it down towards the dog. Tamao winced, flinching as her eyes closed automatically having caught a glimpse of very sharp white teeth in that long muzzle. Yet she was surprised to feel something wet nudge against her trembling fingertips and she opened her eyes in surprise, looking down to see HoroHoro's hand holding her own near Mana's muzzle and a very pink tongue swiping over her hand as limpid brown eyes looked up at her.

Tamao fell in love instantly with those big and brown eyes.

It might have had something to do with the fact that those eyes were so similar to another pair she longed to see and were so filled with warmth and utter charm that she half found herself believing that they were indeed the eyes she wanted to see with that emotion.

"Hello there beautiful…" she breathed, cheeks flushed with the pleasure of coming so close to such a magnificent and clearly noble, actually touching the soft fur around her neck

HoroHoro chuckled at the sheer look of wonder on Tamao's face as he pulled her up gently and towards another wooden building at the side of the house.

"If you like Mana, wait until you see the horses."

"But HoroHoro-Kun…I don't know how to ride!"

"You will."

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"You want me to get on that?"

Tamao looked slightly hysterical as she tried to back pedal around behind HoroHoro, away from the stall he was leading her towards.

"No, I want you to ride her – trust me, Ororo's the gentlest horse you'll ever met," he assured her, trying to keep his tone soothing as he placed a hand on her arm, steering her inexorably towards the horse in the stall.

"But I haven't met any horses…I don't want to!" she protested, eyes wide and scared, though she allowed him to pull her forwards.

"You'll want to meet this one," her Ainu friend told her firmly, though all his hard work was nearly undone when the curious mare thrust her head out of the stall, eliciting a squeak from Tamao and her burying her face in his shirt.

"Tam, it's the same as when you met Mana, just put your hand out."

The pink haired girl shivered, not moving for a moment as she continued to press up against HoroHoro, a fact which made him suddenly aware of how nice her hair smelt.

_Not too sweet, just clean…maybe jasmine or something….she's too thin, we need to feed her up I suppose…_

His train of thought was interrupted by her pulling away and taking a shuddering breath, dark eyes looking up at him for guidance.

Forcing a smile on his face and discomfiting thoughts away for now, HoroHoro, taking her hand, guided her towards the inquisitive horse's muzzle. He felt her tense up when the palomino mare whuffled into her palm, but was satisfied to see her muscles slowly uncurling, relaxing into the warm breath Ororo was emitting.

"See, that wasn't so bad was it?" he asked teasingly, nudging her in the side with a poking finger.

Tamao made a noise of protest, still keeping her gaze on the golden mare as she examined her hand for any treats that might be hidden there.

There was a long silence only filled with the soft sounds of horses moving within their stalls and Tamao's own soft breathing as she sought to calm her racing heart.

HoroHoro was worryingly aware of just how acutely he could feel her breathing against his front. Having been intent on her being the focus of the horse's attention, he had manoeuvred her until she was in front of him, her back pressed up against her chest when she had resisted.

She was close, too close.

The blue haired Shaman could feel her ribcage rising and falling with every nervous breath she took and was well aware that his own breath was unaccountably ragged, for no reason. No reason whatsoever.

"What's her name again?" Tamao asked, soft and nervous voice distracting him from his own feelings, something he agreed to readily – this was unnerving.

"Ororo, it means light," he answered, trying to keep his voice nonchalant, cursing the slight squeak that occurred in his tone.

"Ororo…" Tamao repeated, hand still in contact with the mare's pale muzzle. "Light….it suits her."

"She's gentle too, wait until you get on her back – she goes like a dream."

The pink haired girl pressed up against him sighed and he could feel her body shudder against his. "Do I have to?" she asked, voice plaintive though he noticed she was leaning more towards the horse now – though he wasn't sure whether he appreciated the loss of her body contact or not.

"If you want to see the forest you do."

She was quiet at that and HoroHoro watched her head fall forwards, bubblegum pink hair falling to shadow her face and he felt an urge to brush them away with the back of his hand.

"I guess you'd better find me a saddle then," Tamao said finally, turning to face her companion with such an innocent smile, he despised himself for even having such hentai thoughts about her.

She was Tamao, his friend, his best friend. Or more precisely, his best friend who was in love with another man.

Bummer, eh?

"Right.." he forced himself to say, smiling awkwardly before he turned away towards the wall where the saddles were slung on the customised hooks, burnished and worn leather sending a wonderful smell of horse towards them, the material having its own unique smell.

"Let's get Ororo kitted up then we can get you mounted," the young man said, running a hand over several saddles before choosing one with a high front and back, the dark leather ornamented with a simple pattern of brass ornaments around the raised edge.

"Can you open the door for me," he asked, grunting as he lifted the rather weighty saddle off the wall, turning back to the hesitant looking prophetess.

Tamao gulped, but, seeing the trouble he was going to for her, scurried over to open the stall door, pulling the heavy wooden frame open as he walked in, hearing the mare move back obligingly so he could have room to move around in.

"She has a really soft mouth, so you should have no problems steering her." Inside the stall, she could hear soft rustlings and the soothing nonsense words he uttered to Ororo. Even without being able to see him, Tamao knew that he was petting the palomino and the thought brought a smile to her face.

The Ainu was such a softie when it came to animals.

What Tamao couldn't see was that this softness extended to her. If she'd been more aware that she was the only human he treated like this, she might have been more confused, perhaps even have her heart's direction changed. But for now, her heart was a compass and Yoh was straight North.

"Not that you'll need to steer – she'll just follow me and Calydor like a lamb, yes you're a darling, aren't you Ororo?"

The nicker the horse gave as an answer managed to startle a surprised laugh out of Tamao.

"It's almost like she understands you, HoroHoro-Kun," she said shyly, leaning against the large post in the main area of the stables, waiting for her friend to finish.

"Of course she understands me, Ororo's smart as hell." She could feel his smirk, that inane grin, his trademark smile. "Us Ainus have that connection with nature, remember?"

"I remember…" Tamao said absently, looking down towards her feet, but was rewarded by the sight of Mana's loving eyes, her plumed tail stirring up a cloud of dust behind her in its exuberance.

"Hey there girl," she said quietly, bending down to run curious hands over the Borzoi's creamy bib, admiring the silken quality of the curling hair. The attention only caused Mana's tail to move harder and Tamao laughed softly, increasing her scratching, finally finding a place behind her ear which seemed to drive her ecstatic. "Oh, you're gorgeous, aren't you?"

"Well, I know that, but it's taken you long enough to appreciate my manly charms," an amused voice said, though the tone was slightly…odd.

Tamao turned with a sheepish blush as she gestured towards the happy dog literally sitting on her feet. "I was talking to Mana…" Her voice trailed off as she saw HoroHoro leading the now fully saddled and bridled and stirruped Ororo out of the stall, heading towards her and Mana.

"Right, time for you to mount up, Tam," he said, with far too much enjoyment for her taste.

Gulping, she walked tentatively towards the mare, who suddenly seemed to be much larger than she had thought. Solid muscle and bone and heavy, heavy hooves that could crush her in an instant.

Fun.

"It's okay…seriously…" Looking up into a pair of soothing dark eyes, Tamao allowed her breath to slowly release, tension dancing a limbo in her stomach as she took the hand he offered her.

HoroHoro, moving in a very slow and deliberate way, guided her slim fingered hands towards Ororo's white mane, letting her tangles her digits in it.

"Now hold on tight and you can put your foot here…" The shaman was now bending slightly, cupping his hands together to make a platform which Tamao put her booted foot in, looking at him nervously. "Now, on three, I'll boost you up, okay?"

_Say no, say no!_ the sane part of Tamao's mind told her, but dry lips opened, only to say "Yes…"

"Right..one…two…three, up!"

And that was it. HoroHoro pushed upwards and due to a combination of her diminutive size and light weight, Tamao's leg swung easily over Ororo's back and she was soon sitting astride the mare's back.

HoroHoro, straightening up, immediately doubled back up again, breaking into laughter at the surprised look on her face.

"That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Wow…but it was such a little thing." She looked down into an oddly wistful face, not the one she normally saw on her friend's features.

"Yeah, but sometimes the little things are the hardest to do, Tam…"

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Right, well, my eyes are heavy, but this was fun to write. I hope y'all enjoyed it – hopefully there's more humour in it now, not to mention some fluff and a damn cute dog. Borzois have to be one of the cutest breeds there are, huge, but cute. They're such gentle giants, you have to love them.

Right, reviews…

**Takari-San: -Dies- **Sorry, I'm not used to having my favourite authors reviewing my work – Seasons, I love it. And yay for Tamao/HoroHoro-ness – this is definitely my favourite pairing aside from Yoh/Ren and a few others…I'm touched you think it's excellent – I do my best.

**Urei-Sachi: **Really? I did that? XD That's so cool – no yaoi in this chapter, but there will be some soon, fingers crossed that this story moves in the right pace. I made your day better? Thanks…you have no idea how happy that makes me! And I was fond of that last line as well… )

**Wish he was Mine: **XD Yeah well, she hasn't read it so, :P Hey! I have a block on Limelight. **–Looks sneaky- **I'm still updating faster than you, what about that sequel you promised me this summer? Huh? XD No, I'm glad you like it sweetie. Hmm, does Tracee count as no name?


	4. Following in his Footsteps

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

Oookee, as one of my friends pointed out, I forgot the disclaimer for the last few chapters, so I don't own Shaman King, unluckily. Anyway, don't sue, I have nothing, nothing I tell you! **-Grins- **That's because I spent fifty pounds on Amazon last night, all on manga. You'll know when I get them – no updates since I'll be so engrossed in them.

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"So, why's he called Calydor?" Tamao nodded towards the horse on which HoroHoro was seated. Several hands taller than her dainty mare, the fiery-eyed horse was clearly of a more feisty nature, prancing and high-stepping as he walked beside the more sedate Ororo. Muscles rippled under a glistening black coat, the onyx pelt broken by a meandering trail of hoary flecks which started on his proudly arched neck, winding across his back and marching down to fade off gently on one hind leg. The multitude of white flecks in the wide band was a light banner on the dark background and it was to these that her Ainu friend was now gesturing.

"See the spots? Well, they look like the band of stars you can see at night when you're this far up North."

Tamao's eyes immediately went towards the heavens, forgetting their cover of rich green branches which obscured her view. Sheepishly, her gaze came back to her grinning friend, though he only cocked an eyebrow at her innocence before clucking his tongue at the stallion on which he was riding.

"Anyway, Calydor, it means the Summer Stars – it was the name of one of our very first Shamans in this area so it was only fitting a beast like this one should get a magnificent name like that…" The Ainu patted the sleek neck, smiling at the snort Calydor gave. "I try not to say that too much, otherwise he gets vain."

Tamao smiled dreamily, looking around her, drinking in the natural beauty with wide eyes. Snow laced the silent world, softening the lines which normally seemed so harsh. The dark figures of the trees which towered so imposingly over them were dusted with an icing sugar lacing, the virgin color blinding against the deep green which the arboreal plants normally bloomed with.

"So who does this land belong to?" she asked, voice tiny compared to the magnificence which loomed around them. She'd never felt so tiny, but with the snow capped mountains towering over the tree-line, postcard perfect.

A flush lining her cheeks at the laugh which followed, Tamao sent him a reproachful look and he went silent immediately, well, at least after he had finished chuckling.

"The land doesn't belong to anyone, but the Great Mother herself."

Noting the quizzical look his pink haired friend sent him, HoroHoro settled back in the saddle, hands easily resting before him with the reins grasped between his fingers as he gave Calydor his head, allowing the horse to relatively make his own way along the trail.

"The Great Mother, most people know her as Mother Nature, but we of the Ainu tribe search far more deeply into the mystery surrounding her," he said slowly, voice soothing as they both moved in the rocking motion their steeds provided. "In the beginning she was barren and cold and oh so lonely so from the heat that dwelled within her she produced a consort for herself – the moon."

Inexperienced at being the story teller, HoroHoro still managed to weave a web of words around his captivated audience of one, leading her through the gentle tale he had learned as a boy of how the Great Mother and Lanu the spirit of the Moon coupled and gave birth to the stars and how the stars then multiplied across the heavens to form the glistening band the azure haired youth's steed was named for. When their final union brought forth the Sun, all three combined the last of their energy to bring life alive upon the once barren plains that were the Great Mother.

"Tired, the Great Mother only wanted to sleep, but she knew that if she did so, there would be a time when the forests she had created at such great effort would tumble and fall, so, in a final appeal to the stars themselves, her children, she fell into her rest." HoroHoro paused, the trance that had fallen upon him as he recounted the ancient verses and passages lifting before he continued onwards, finishing what he had started nearly an hour ago. "Hearing her plea and following guidance from Lanu, who chose to give up his light to allow them to work, the stars created the Korokuppur, the forest spirits to watch over the forest while the Great Mother slept. Weary as well and lacking his light, the spirit of the Moon also took his rest, but recovered faster, his light returning once more, only to die a little time and time again as his children draw upon his power. It's a cycle, life is a cycle, one which we have no control over. We as humans and shaman have no claim to any part of the Mother's bountiful land…except maybe Yoh, but then the Great Spirit is perhaps an incarnation of the Great Mother, who knows?"

As HoroHoro lapsed into silence, Tamao shook the dazed look from eyes, her awed expression only increasing though a familiar flash of pain shot through her eyes at the mention of Yoh's name, a fact that the Ainu did not fail to notice.

_Even here, where she's miles from him with all this around her, Yoh's still never far from her mind…_he thought glumly, attempting to focus on Calydor as a distraction from an aching inner pain, one he knew the reason for, but stubbornly denied, regardless of where his true feelings lie.

"That was…beautiful," a quiet voice said and he could hear the sincerity with which his trusting friend said it, so clear and honest. "Is it written down anywhere? I'd love to have a copy."

"Sorry Tam, it's more a story for winter evenings, passed on by word of mouth." At her crestfallen look, HoroHoro relented somewhat and leaned over, placing a gloved hand over her own. "But, if you want, I can write it down for you."

The glowing smile he received was well worth the effort he knew it would take to put the lengthy tale to paper. Once more feeling a hot flush, he hurriedly turned away, tapping Calydor into a gentle trot with his heels, feeling the stallion tug at the bit, eager to race, but with the novice rider beside him, he could hardly let the horse have its own merry way.

_You hentai baka, you're just pissy that you're not the one hovering constantly in her thoughts, eh? _Was his subconscious trying to belittle him? A glum expression on his face, HoroHoro hunkered down slightly in the saddle, a fact that registered in his high spirited mount's manner, for Calydor faltered and slowed, unused to his master's strange mood which was currently conveying through minute muscle signals to him.

_Call it a crush, call it the fact that she's the only female within a hundred miles that you aren't related too. Hormones, blame it on those darned teenage hormones, that's right, blame it all on happy little chemicals which make you look at your cute, but emotionally unavailable friend and wish that she wore tighter clothes…_

_Damn hormones._

((A/N: I know that's hardly romantic, but HoroHoro can be a wee bit blunt at times…as well as being a hentai baka…I see him as the kinda guy who used to try and look up your skirt when you were six – cute, sweet, but needs lessons or a good, hard slap ))

"So apart from the trees, what have we come to see?" Tamoa, finally deciding to break the silence that spanned between them, had turned to look at him with those large eyes, so captivating when they were half obscured by pink wisps of hair.

Blinking back a gaping look that threatened to take over his face, HoroHoro just nodded, awkwardly, in the direction in which they were heading.

"You'll see…it's not far now – do you think you're up for going a little faster?"

The pink haired girl sighed, looking down at her placid mount, golden coat pale against the undisturbed snow.

"I'll try…" she sounded dubious, but her nose was now as pink as her hair due to the cold and perhaps an increase in pace would remedy that.

Her Ainu friend grinned and clucked his tongue to Calydor, the white speckled stallion readily breaking into a lope, hooves throwing up a powder fine sheet of snow behind them. He could hear light squeaks from Tamao as Ororo also moved into the faster gait and he could imagine his friend holding on for dear life as the two horses loped onwards, passing glistening snow and the ice covered foliage in a white haze.

Behind him, Tamao was indeed holding on for dear life, wrapping her arms around Ororo's lithe neck, scared to look, but too scared to look away as they, to her at least, raced through the rugged terrain. Trying not to think of potholes and other encumbrances which might have been hidden by the snowfall, she concentrated on staying upright.

Always a good thing.

The landscape moved familiarly past HoroHoro and when a particular landmark caught his attention, a silent signal to Calydor soon brought him back to a walk, Ororo not far behind them and the excited form of Mana surging along as well, fur vibrant against the snow, as well as the blur of her furiously wagging tail.

Grinning from the sheer exhilaration, HoroHoro looked over towards the girl on top of the palomino mare, eyes taking in her flushed cheeks and the rapid rise and fall of her chest that came from the new sensations riding caused. The way her furry hood had slipped back, leaving wind ruffled hair and a glow in her eyes.

_You're looking too hard at her again – you only look that way at girls and Tam isn't a girl, she's a friend. _HoroHoro frowned at that, feeling the need to lock this voice inside his head away. _Why can't she be both?_

Uncomfortably shifting in her saddle, Tamao winced – did she even have an ass anymore? From what she could feel no; she'd had no idea that riding would do that to you. Legs feeling stiff and her posterior aching, she looked up at HoroHoro with a small grimace, bemused to find him watching.

"Are we here?" she asked hopefully – hoping to God that there was no more riding for a while, her body couldn't take much more.

HoroHoro nodded minutely, swinging gracefully out of the saddle with practiced ease and smiling as, when Tamao tried to do the same, she landed on her rear in a pile of snow. The laugh only bubbled up harder as she sent him an aggrieved look, snow festooning her delicate features like some sort of mucked up Santa Claus beard. Taking Calydor's bridle, he looped it around a nearby tree branch, extending it with a lead rope before he turned to see Tamao, brushing the snow off of her clothes while leading Ororo over to the star-plagued stallion who seemed delighted to offer a pleasant nicker and a nuzzle.

Fumbling to tie the knot, copying what her azure haired companion had done, she finally turned to him, swiping an absent hand across her cold nipped nose, sigh coming out as a cloud of mist before her face.

HoroHoro smiled, pinching said nose and watching with avid eyes as it wrinkled in sheer perplexion, ignoring the odd look the slender girl sent him before he simply turned, pushing aside a snow strewn branch, gesturing for Tamao to step through.

She did so…and was met with a sight of pure wonder.

A glistening lake spread towards them, frozen expanse icy to the point of perfection. The surface wasn't smooth and consistent – water currents had caused swirling patterns to emerge in the blue-silver sheet, as well as a passage of star shaped sycamore leaves which marched across the ice, frozen in space and time for the winter. Until the thaw.

Hazel reeds, corn coloured stalks poked sceptre like out of the water's edge, straight edges casting cutting shadows over the lake, black on white, brown and cream.

Ice and snow and clear cut reeds under the clear winter light.

Perfection in nature, still and silent in its serenity.

Well, at least silent until Tamao heard a muffled 'oof' from behind her, jumping nervously and turning to find a rather different sight to the postcard picture she had been staring at.

The weighty branch HoroHoro had pulled back had been heavily laden with snow and as he, unthinkingly, released the springy tree limb, it had bounced back towards him, catching him a sound blow to the stomach and making it his turn to fall rear first into the snow. Then, to add insult to injury, it deposited its blanket of snow neatly and thoughtfully on top of its recumbrant form.

What could you do, but laugh?

Well, Tamao didn't laugh…okay, maybe a small surprised chuckle, but she was soon offering a delicate hand, offering to help him up.

The Ainu, flushed at having been caught in such an unmanly pose, reluctantly grabbed her hand, using her as a lever to haul his lanky form upwards. As he stood, wincing as snow made its way down his neck, sliding down the heated skin of his back, he was surprised to note how cool her own hands were…smooth too.

_And there's your hentai thoughts again…_

He dropped her hand hurriedly, like a hot brick and turned to survey the lake, covering up his shame and confusion with a low cough.

Luckily for him, the pink haired girl had gone back to being entranced by the natural beauty which lay before her, spread out in all its icy glory.

"Oh Horo…" she said, respectful suffixes forgotten for now as she drank in the scenery, one hand resting loosely at the back of her neck, forgotten in its action to try and unskew her twisted hood.

"That wasn't what I brought you to see, but it is beautiful, isn't it?" he commented softly by her ear, breath warming the curved pink shell unintentionally. "Don't you want to meet the Korokuppur?"

Another flush tinting her cheeks, she dipped her head. "Oh…of course….but it is beautiful."

Enjoying the rapt look upon her face, HoroHoro merely grinned and took her arm, leading her around towards the woods a small distance around the bowl of the lake.

"The water may be frozen now, but enough runoff survives to still fund the marshland. The last piece of marshland," he added sadly, expression melancholy as he thought of the dwindling areas of habitat. "The cities…they've sucked up all the available and suitable land, leaving only this area in a rapidly drying earth. This is the last resort of the Korokuppur."

His own sadness was reflected on Tamao's features, though to a less comprehensive degree. She may not have been brought up in this lace, nor to understand the intricate life cycles that revolved in it, but she had caught a glimpse of the Mother's great beauty and she was more than fond of Kororo.

She didn't want to lose any of it. Not a single perfect piece or being.

The silence they walked in was comfortable, not needing a babble of chatter to make it all right between them. A friendship where no words were required was simple and true enough to stand on its own without jokes or teasing or long rambling anecdotes, simple and clear in time, like the frozen lake. Still.

With exaggerated slowness and few suspicious glances at it, HoroHoro pushed aside another snow laden branch, both stepping through at the same time onto a smaller, less obvious trail, the ground less well trodden and more obscured by the veil of snow.

"Careful, it gets wetter from here," HoroHoro warned, "That's why we couldn't bring the horses any further, they don't do so well in marshes."

The word 'marshes' brought a tinge of apprehension to the Prophetess' face, but she followed trustingly, picking her delicate way over where he put his own feet, practically leaving only one pair of footprints, though a tracker would have seen a smaller print within a larger one.

Following in his footsteps.

Their passage only announced by the soft crunch their feet gave on the snow, the pair walked on for barely a minute, in which HoroHoro barely gave the familiar scenery a glance and Tamao lingered, attempting to imprint it all in her memory at once.

_Wish I'd brought my sketch book…_she thought ruefully as she looked towards a pair of trees which at some time in their long life, had started to curl around each other, trunks and branches wrapping around to form one trunk.

"My father calls them love pairs," HoroHoro said quietly, gesturing to the two snow shrouded trees. "He's a carpenter…so he knows his wood and he will never cut down a love pair. Normally, if one is lost, the other dies without it so people around here respect them. There's a larger one near the village, I'll take you to see it some time."

Still amazed by the surprises that this area had to offer, Tamao just sent another wistful look back towards the beautiful image of the trees literally locked in love, fingers itching to put pen to paper as soon as she retreated to the solitude of her room.

Well, comparative solitude considering the ease with which Pirika seemed to have been able to invade her room.

"Tam, look over there."

Gaze ripping from the sight which entranced her so, Tamao's eyes met a sheet of rippling green, surprisingly bare of snow. Frowning in consternation, she narrowed her eyes, trying to make out what the seeming sea of emerald waves was.

"Worked out what it is yet?" HoroHoro's voice was filled with wicked humour as he watched the young woman puzzle and ponder.

"I will…just let me think…" she said, batting at him absently with a hand as she took a tentative step towards the mysterious ocean, still confused as to what was making it up. The wind wasn't helping, keeping the surface moving and dancing in its wake, it was hard to focus, though oddly compelling.

"Here...let me help…" a long arm stretched past her to cup one of the green…things. A heart shaped leaf was revealed, the deep green vibrant and alive, even in the midst of winter, as well as the moist, loamy soil beneath it.

Realisation hit like a thunderbolt.

"Oh, it's a lily pad," Tamao said, examining the leaf with great interest, already seeing the similarities between it and the one which HoroHoro's guardian spirit carried. "Lots of lily pads."

"Not as many as there used to be," the Ainu said morosely, releasing the shiny green round and straightening up, surveying the clearing filled with the plants, frowning slightly.

"Don't you guys recognise me?" he called, brow knitted as he looked pointedly at the lily pads. Silence. "I haven't been gone that long…"

Tamao shifted uncomfortably, peering around the taller form of her friend to eye the now eerily still sea of green leaves, wilting under the pressuring silence that resounded around them.

"If you're worried about her, she's a friend…oh, this is ridiculous." HoroHoro looked flustered now as he surveyed the lily field, small as it was, he had expected some movement. "Kororo, go find Kiluknapuk."

The tiny forest guardian chortled a reply and, with much glee, launched herself into the verdant 'sea.' Looking closely, the two observers could see a trail of bending and moving stalks making a trail towards the centre of the field. Soon enough, several more trails appeared, then more followed, all congregating in the centre where the Kororo-trail had headed to.

A low babble of squeakings and lower pitched babblings could be heard rising from the conference which seemed to be taking place and a chortling Kororo soon emerged, pulling on a more reticent looking Korokuppur, his build being larger than HoroHoro's spirit and his clothes being of a more blue tone instead of the dusky pink hue that the female seemed to favour.

HoroHoro smiled, clearly relieved as he held out a hand and the male forest guardian landed on it, a wispy white beard framing his aged face, gentle wrinkles adding a wisdom to his expression which suggested long life.

"Tam, this is Kiluknapuk, he's the clan leader of this group. Kiluknapuk, this is Tamao Tamamura…she's here to stay for a while, to help me."

The older Korokuppur looked up slowly, his ancient and somehow primeval gaze running over the pink haired girl, causing her to flush, but she met his eyes solidly, pale, but still serene for once. His scrutiny over, his countenance seemed to lighten somewhat and Tamao let out a breath she hadn't even known she was holding.

Chuckling in his little throaty voice, Kiluknapuk nodded his appreciation, clucking some words in his own language as he hovered gracefully over towards Tamao, resting on her shoulder and playing with a few strands of her soft hair.

The rosy blush which followed was one of pleasure and Tamao held out a little finger towards the spirit, allowing him to shake it as he clucked some more happy words.

"Nice to meet you Kiluknapuk…I'm going to be here for a while I suppose," she said gently, expression showing the wonder she was trying to express verbally. "It will be a pleasure to help HoroHoro-Kun, especially if I get to work with you and your clan."

Nodding and chattering his agreement, the male spirit turned and gave a fluting whistle, similar to the bird calls of some of the Northern birds she had heard around them. In response to the summons, a sudden flurry of pink, blue and green appeared, drifting towards them in gentle flocks.

At first, Tamao was overwhelmed by the crowd of chattering, giggling forest faeries, her ears assaulted by all their wide ranges of vocalisation. Soon, as she became accustomed to the mob that now surrounded her and HoroHoro, males and females, young and old, she began to focus an individuals as they approached, her blue haired friend reeling off names and ties.

"That's Illyana, she's Kororo's aunt, a real sweetheart…that fellow over there, the huge one, he's Konukal, the biggest one in the clan." He certainly was a giant, but from the way several younger Korokuppur were crawling all over him, he was less imposing in manner than he was in spirit. "These two are twins…Aayla and Thononan, watch out for Thononan, he's a scamp…"

The list went onwards, Ainu names flooding through her ears as diminutive figures danced before her, wariness receding as they eyed the new stranger with Kiluknapuk on one shoulder and Kororo on the other. They weren't the only ones watching her with new interest, HoroHoro was entranced by the sight of her, resplendent against the snow with an aura of forest spirits, all excited to meet her and showing it with happy squeaks and coos. From what he could see, one of the youngsters was perched on top of her head, excitedly playing with one of her pink bangs.

Watching her with a fond expression, the blue haired Ainu was the subject of scrutiny himself and the Korokuppur soon made herself known, hovering determinedly in front of his face with a sweet greeting.

"Hey there Lanala," he said warmly, holding up a hand for her to land on, but she bypassed it, resting against his chest and sighing happily, her back firmly turned towards Tamao and her new friends, a fact that she didn't seem to notice, causing a small frown to appear on the Korokuppur's face. "Hey Tam, come and meet a very special lady…"

When the pink haired girl, still carrying the young spirit on her head walked over, HoroHoro motioned towards the female huddled possessively on his chest.

"This is Lanala, she's Kiluknapuk's daughter, say hello Lanala."

Tamao waved a friendly hand in greeting, but the slender Korokuppur only sniffed, gaze rising up to the youngster in her hair. Chittering in an obviously reproachful voice, belittling even, Lanala directed her odd words towards the child who responded pleadingly, eyes wide, tone beseeching. Yet there was no placating her and she made another firm gesture, clearly issuing an order as the now despondent youngster drifted away, casting resentful looks back.

Kororo looked worried, often sending questioning looks to her shaman partner, but HoroHoro was only looking puzzled.

"I don't know what's gotten into her," he said after Lanala snuggled close once more before hovering away in a stately fashion. "Then again, she's never really liked anyone, but she's never been that rude."

Tamao, looking disappointed, was comforted by the twins playing peek a boo over her shoulders, giggling and chortling as they ran rampant over her chest. "Maybe she just doesn't like me…."

HoroHoro couldn't suppress a smile as he watched the twins snuggle close to her neck and she returned the gesture, stroking their heads gently, a motherly expression on her face.

_Who couldn't like you, Tam?_

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Heehee, another sweetcorn induced chapter – I just ate a whole can, but then again, it is midnight for me. I had to finish all my school essays first, so I'm sorry this chapter is a wee bit later than the others. Anyway…I hope you enjoy, it's a bit of a slow chapter, but it's setting up some important ideas.


	5. Close to Touch, but far from Heart

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

Wow, a chapter on time…mainly because I had a sick day recently and I was able to write, despite some problems – this Christmas I seem to have had a grudge against my hands. On Christmas day I spilt boiling water up my left hand and arm and then on New Year's Day, at a charity dinner for the Tsunami, God rest their souls, I managed to cut my hand open on a broken wine glass. Glass is a reoccurring problem for on Friday, I got a glass splinter in my palm and then cut my fingers on a can of sweetcorn…I'm such a klutz and this makes typing rather interesting…

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"Um…HoroHoro-Kun?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Why do we only have one horse?"

"Wha?"

The light around them was starting to dim, new shadows coming into relief after their extended visit with the Korokuppur. HoroHoro looked towards where they had left the two horses and was startled to only see the agitated form of Calydor. The stallion was anxiously moving, head dipping and rising as he pawed a brown track deep in the compacted snow, hitting furrowed earth with one solid hoof.

The only evidence of Ororo's one time presence was the tan cord of her lead rope which was hanging from Tamao's hand, a guilty expression on her features as she turned to face him, hand dropping helplessly to her side.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…I…I…must have…" Tamao's stutter had made its reappearance as she looked towards HoroHoro with a pained face. "I mean when I tied the knot….I must have….sorry…"

HoroHoro shook his head, reaching out towards her with soothing hands, but she shrank away, his sympathy more painful than the anger she had been expecting.

"Tam, really, Ororo, even if she did get loose, she knows the way home, she wouldn't go anywhere else except back to the stables, honestly." He sought to convey his sincerity through his eyes, looking at her levelly. Not to mention it didn't hurt his ego to seem to be the caring compassionate man women seemed to like. Like Yoh for example, not that he was over obsessing or anything. "It wouldn't be the first time a horse has pulled a knot loose, it's not a big deal." Trying to stress his last words, he reached out towards her again and this time she allowed him to wrap his arms loosely around her, patting her gently on the back.

"Still sorry though…" her voice was muffled against his parka as she closed her eyes, even this little accident threatening to bring forth tears, her mind already racing over the long list of things which could go wrong.

"And it's good that you are, unlike that arrogant shark back in Funbari," HoroHoro snorted, though his heart wasn't really in it. Trust him to ruin a potentially romantic moment with such a…crude reference to the Chinese Shaman back home.

"Ren-San?" Tamao pulled away slightly, a watery smile on her face. "You miss him more than you let on."

"What! I hated him, we hate each other, hate is too nice a word, despise is better." Taking a breath to continue, he looked at Tamoa who was hiding an amused look, rather badly in fact. "Fine…" he said, relenting and rubbing the bridge of his nose awkwardly. "I do miss the arrogant bastard and I do worry that he's being knocked around by Anna." The Ainu tribesman sighed, hand dropping loosely down by his side. "I just hope he and Yoh are getting on fine without us…"

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"Asakura! What have I said about disturbing me while I'm meditating?"

"Not to do it."

"So?"

"So what?"

Ren growled a few choice Chinese words under his breath before turning blazing saffron orbs towards the foolish one who attempted to enter his sacred room again.

Unlike the other shaman in the house, Anna had decreed that Yoh needed a sparring partner, one who could test his capabilities to the full. Since she absolutely refused to allow Ryu to stay _inside_ the residence at times, she had finally asked, though ordered was perhaps a better term, that the Tao siblings, along with the ever present Pyron, should be boarding here for an unrestricted amount of time.

However much he complained about it, the purple haired young man wasn't that aggrieved about leaving the lonely mansion in which he and his sister normally lived. It was too big for the three of them, not to mention it was still too soon for him to be on good terms with his father. Six years and there was still no firm base of forgiveness, on either half.

There were some things time just could not heal.

Besides, as Ren had said when offering his reasons for actually giving in to the Itako's wishes, Yoh got into so much trouble it was getting too inefficient for him to keep flying across from China every time the brunette needed to be bailed out of a sticky situation.

Which, if you were brutally honest, was rather more often than the average person gotten themselves into.

Well, perhaps not that often, but the point was that Ren had moved into the Asakura residence with little argument for whatever reasons or excuses he gave.

Although at times he regretted it, this present moment being one of these.

"So what?" Ren almost squawked, irate expression apparent as well as the fact his hands were thrust firmly onto his skinny hips. "Tell me Asakura, how many neurons does it take for you to be able to understand that I do not want to be disturbed? Do I need to make a sign and hang it on the door?"

Yoh just blinked, continuing to lean in the doorway with his arms folded across his slender chest, his customary claw necklace slightly skewed.

This required more Chinese swear words before Ren could even look at Yoh, his brows making a perfect V in his brow.

"I think a golden retriever would have more success in understanding my point," the shorter youth said acidly, "I won't repeat myself – get out!"

There was a moment of silence as their eyes locked, brown meeting amber. The brown eyes suddenly softened, intensifying as they looked towards Ren, his stance relaxing, even to the point where he crossed the threshold willingly, actually entering the inner sanctum of the Tao's room.

The frown increasing, Ren started towards the laidback Shaman, a vicious rebuke on his lips before he was halted in his tracks by what Yoh said next.

"You miss him, don't you?"

If he had been less of a man, Ren's jaw would have dropped and it was only with great restraint that he didn't allow it too, choosing instead to stare at Yoh, aghast by what he had just said.

"I hope to God that you're referring to my father and not that baka excuse for a Shaman…"

"Horo," Yoh interrupted firmly, tone forceful, "His name is Horo and you know it."

"I know what his name is," Ren snapped, running a hand over his hair, only to be halted by the obvious spike which blocked his fingers' passage. "What I don't understand is why you got this absurd idea from – that I might actually miss the presence of that loud mouthed, jumped up, weak excuse for a…"

"Don't call him that and I got the idea from you, you idiot!" Yoh's only complaint seemed to be about the slur on HoroHoro, otherwise, he only appeared to show dry amusement at Ren's irritation.

"And where might have you picked that up may I ask?" Ren asked flatly, turning away to pick up his Kwan Dao, still bare-chested from his attempts at meditation before Yoh had interrupted so suddenly.

"Well, you're not normally such a bitch to me," Yoh said simply, not flinching when Ren rounded on him, growling.

"I am _not_ a bitch," he snapped, hands gripping the polished staff of his glaive tightly.

"Not normally to me anyway," the brunette said calmly, stretching his arms over his head with a yawn. "At least not since Horo left…"

Ren opened his mouth, waiting for his brain to supply him with a scathing retort, an excuse as to why Yoh was wrong…but none came.

Actually smirking, Yoh raised an eyebrow lazily, complacently even. "See? You miss him, you miss arguing with him so I suppose you transferred it over to me."

"I…do…not…miss…him!" Ren snarled, through gritted teeth, bristling as Yoh waved a languid hand to shut him up.

"Don't lie Ren, it's bad for the soul….besides," Yoh sent the Chinese Shaman a melancholy smile, "You're not the only one who misses him…I should never have let Anna send him away."

Pausing in his anger, Ren took the moment to examine Yoh more closely, a thing he had not done in a while. Practiced eyes took in the changes in the brunette. New lines framed his mouth and eyes, marks that were too old and sorrow filled for someone of Yoh's age, signs of some internal suffering. His mahogany locks were still soft, but less shiny, lank around his emotionally worn face. Not to mention his body…Yoh may have normally chosen to wear baggy clothes before, but Ren didn't remember them being so voluminous. No, he realised, the clothes haven't changed, it's Yoh, Yoh's lost weight in the past week…not much, but enough to make a difference. He was always skinny beforehand, but this was different.

"Geez, Yoh, it's not like he's never coming back," Ren said flatly, trying to cover his unease about his companion's state of physicality. Why should he care anyway? But then his insufferable craving for knowledge which most people would call curiosity took over. "Why do you miss him so much anyway?"

"He was my friend, Ren," Yoh said shortly, almost defensively.

The purplenette raised an eyebrow, turning to face him fully, arms crossed across his bare chest as he looked intently at the brunette in his room.

"He was your friend….but you didn't want that, did you?" he asked suddenly, intuitive sense piecing together all the details that lead him down his current train of thought. Plus, if he was right, it would be more information about them both. Information was power and power was good as far as the Tao was concerned, even if he had supposedly lost some of his overpowering ambition in recent years.

Losing to someone as lazy as Yoh does that to a person.

A sad smile. "You always were too smart Ren, too smart for your own good."

"You can never be too smart," Ren said shortly, still regarding Yoh with a critical eye. "Did he know?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"No."

"So he doesn't…?"

"No."

"And you and Anna?"

"Blame it on my family, I never said I wanted a wife…" Yoh sighed, resting his hand at the back of his neck, awkwardly running his fingers over the smooth skin there, unnerved by the fact he was talking to Mr Tao-my-blood-cells-are-ice-cubes-Ren about this.

"Ah…" was all the sharp tongued man had to say, unsure of what he could actually do. It wasn't often people came to him of all people with these sorts of problems. Not that many people came to him for any reason of course. "So what are you going to do to remedy the situation then?"

"Remedy the situation?" Yoh's lips twitched in amusement. "You make it sound so clinical, Ren, haven't you ever been in love?"

"Of course not," Ren scoffed, rolling his tiger hued eyes, "Love makes you weak, look at you?"

Ignoring the jab at him, Yoh shrugged listlessly, looking away from Ren with a sigh. "You wouldn't understand then…and that's why I miss him so much."

Another snort from Ren and Yoh looked back towards him, exasperated.

"You don't seem worried about that fact that I'm…" For the life of him, Yoh couldn't force out the word gay, "…masculinely inclined. Most people are."

The Tao shrugged, spinning his Kwan Dao in a controlled circle, deftly using the heavy and lengthy weapon. "What does it matter? What does it matter to you if I don't like your preferences. Some men like other men, some men like women."

"And which type are you?" Yoh finally managed to dredge up the courage to ask this, taking a minute step so that he was out of range of Ren if he decided to attack him with his veeery lengthy spear.

Ren paused, flicking hair out of his eyes as he kept his back to the brown haired Shaman, keeping quiet for a few minutes as he considered the question.

"I'm the type that doesn't get involved with people, you get…distracted," he said shortly, making another wide swipe with the sharp blade, lithe muscles protruding in his arms and shoulders.

Yoh nodded mutely and when Ren made no more attempts to further any types of conversation, turned to go, heading for the door finally.

"But Yoh…" The brunette turned to look at Ren who still had his back to him. "Men need someone to equal them…and women are weak."

Yoh smiled slightly, running a finger along his jawline as he watched Ren move back into the smooth dance like motions he was using to wield his Kwan Dao.

"Except Anna," Yoh commented dryly.

"Except Anna," Ren agreed.

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"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about," Tamao said quietly, voice distant, "Yoh-Sama will take care of him, he always does…he takes care of everyone."

The fond expression on her face made HoroHoro's turn bleak, even as he continued to hold her close.

_She's so close, but in a different place all together…_

"Yeah, he does, doesn't he?" he said flatly, slowly releasing her and peering up at the darkening sky. "C'mon, we better head home."

Tamao wrinkled her nose as she too turned her sights towards the heavens. "But there's only one horse?"

"Where do you think the 'term riding double' came from, Tam?"

She closed her eyes, once again feeling sheepishly stupid. "Sorry…you have the best ideas HoroHoro-Kun."

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_I have the worst ideas…_HoroHoro yelled at himself as he struggled to keep his thoughts under control.

Hard when he had Tamao pressed up against his back, her arms tightly clasped around his back as she struggled to adjust to the faster, bouncier gait of Calydor as opposed to her former mount.

_You had to go and take her out for a ride, you had to go and not check the knot she had tied, you had to suggest you ride double with her…wait, you know your biggest mistake? Having this imbecilic crush on your best friend!_

The Ainu sighed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He did seem to have made a long list of rather bad choices…what was worse was that his conscience sounded disturbingly like Ren.

_Well…at least you had the sense to put her behind you, at least that way you won't traumatise her with the little problem you seem to be suffering with down there._

Sadly this was too true – when had her being so close gotten so sexy? He had hugged her plenty of times, felt her skin, felt her breath warm his cheek, looked into shy eyes and not felt anything.

_Well that changed, didn't it? Now you can't look at her without feeling…odd, fluttery is it? Or is that just guilt at knowing that Yoh wants you and not her? You haven't told her that yet, have you?_

No…he hadn't and he didn't know how. Tamao seemed to be…settled, if not content in loving Yoh – how could he change something she had wanted since she was five? How could he tell her that he had changed for her? Anyway, men like him didn't get _fluttery._ Men were in control, all the time…

_That's all very heartbreaking, but you do know she doesn't see you as guy? That you are a confidant for her? In very clichéd layman's terms, she doesn't see you that way._

True, but maybe if he told her…

_Maybe if you told her about where her love interest's true desire, she'd suddenly realise that, oh, she was mistaken all along and it was you she loved? Please, this isn't a sappy teen movie and it's not all going to turn picture perfect because you spill your guts._

What could you say to such blunt cynicism? HoroHoro sighed restlessly, urging Calydor into a faster trot as he was aware of the first star glittering in the rapidly deepening sky, now at the lavender colour that twilight brought.

"What's wrong?" a quiet voice asked and his attention was brought back to the girl clinging to him, not that it had ever strayed far from her.

"Nothing…just thinking…" This was said before his brain caught up with his overactive mouth – he had a suspicion that he perhaps wasn't the most tactful of people…

He felt her stiffen and then relax more against his back, fingers reclasping around his waist.

_Her arms must be stiff…_he thought absently to himself, once again thinking more of her then of him, but then again, he was used to riding, she was not.

"Aren't you happy to be home?"

_Yes, because I get to be alone with you…_

"In a way I am…but it's been so long, I don't know where I fit in…everyone thought that if I ever came home, I'd be the Shaman King." The familiar wave of disappointment welled up in him at the memory of his failure, but it was a pain long since dulled by time.

Guess there were some things that could be healed by time…but how to tell the difference?

"But do they mind? They don't blame you for it do they?"

"No…but there are times when they look at me and I know they're wondering, wondering if they sent the wrong person or that perhaps, if they'd sent someone else…" HoroHoro trailed off, voice fading into the cold night air.

"HoroHoro-Kun…" he felt a soothing hand press on his abdomen and the side of her face being pressed against his back, an exhale warming the fabric of his parka. "That's why it's called a tournament, there's only one winner and you were so highly ranked…"

"Exactly, I came so close and failed at the last moment, that makes it all the worse!"

"At least you qualified for the tournament," Tamao said softly, cheek resting against the rough material that HoroHoro's outer garment. "It wasn't even considered that I should even attempt to qualify, I doubt I would have survived the preliminary round."

HoroHoro paused, suddenly having a horrifying image of Tamao coming up against Ren as he used to be, or Faust or even himself or Yoh. The last one didn't worry him, Yoh never had any intention of killing anyone, but the others…himself included, they made him shiver. That the power crazed Ren should obliterate her or that Faust should torment her to the end raised a horror in his heart he hadn't felt since he first learnt of the plight of his people.

And himself…he had been prepared to kill Yoh…if it had been Tamao in his place, would he have done the same? Could he have dumped all that ice and snow on top of her slight form, leaving her buried in the dark and cold.

Killing her. Would he have killed her, would he have sacrificed his dream for her? He had no answer to that now…but her effort, it made him see how far he had really come. He was strong and she…she had a different kind of strength, but one that couldn't protect her….

"Sweetie, do you know how much strength it takes to see the future and not go mad from knowing what will happen?" Nudging Calydor around a slippery stretch of frozen ground, he looked over his shoulder, but could only see a glimpse of pink hair before her back moved out of his line of sight. "Don't underestimate yourself, no-one thinks that you're weak."

There was a pause and then… "Anna-Sama does."

"Well Anna's an idiot," HoroHoro said frankly, removing one of his hands from the reins to place it over the ones clasped around his waist, rubbing her fingers soothingly while simultaneously trying to ignore the up welling of fluttering heart, quivering limbs, softness in his chest yadda yadda yadda. Which of course he was not feeling because he was a manly man. Not a sissy like Yoh or an absurdly feminine man like Ren, I mean look at that waist, those hips, the time he spent on his hair. He was HoroHoro, Ainu warrior extraordinaire!

Tamao was startled by the sudden contact, but smiled all the same, closing her eyes as she yawned, resting closer to HoroHoro, not noticing that he arched away slightly before leaning back again.

"So did you have a good first day here in Hokkaido?" he asked, for lack of anything else to say.

"Um-hum…" he heard her say, voice thick with the sleep which threatened to overtake her. "It was busy…don't think your parents like me…"

"Nah, take no notice of them…they're just freaked out I brought anyone here, not to mention on such short notice," HoroHoro said dismissively, returning his hand to the reins again, seeing the lights of the village approach. "They'll get better, I promise…"

It was easier when she was in this sleepy stage, half waking, half asleep. It loosened her tongue, made her more relaxed and for him it made it easier to imagine her as the innocent young girl she was and less easy for him to concentrate on her pressing up so close to him, hands clasped over his belly.

He didn't stop of course, he was a man after all, but it meant he could actually concentrate on other things astounding as that might be to some of the readers.

Behind him, a dubious and incommital noise was muttered into his parka and he suppressed a smile. Sleepy Tamao was a more opinionated Tamao apparently.

"Pirika likes you."

"Pirika likes everyone, even Ren!"

"True, but I don't see why."

"Maybe because she knows you like Jun-San."

Silence filled the air pressuringly again as the words left her lips and she tensed up, suddenly aware of what her sleep loosened tongue had let slip. Her Ainu companion's breath had also hitched in hi throat and it was a while before he finally released it, thanking the Great Mother herself that she couldn't see his face.

"I just miss them all…" he said finally, voice hushed in the almighty presence of nature that weighed in around them. "Every single one of them."

"I know…I do too."

_But she misses one person more than all the rest put together…do you think she's wishing that you're him right now? That it's him she's pressing up against? How can _you _compare to Asakura Yoh, Shaman King extraordinaire? You can't, simple as that._

HoroHoro felt a change in body shape behind him, the cheek removed from his cheek and the torso pulled away, tilted backwards.

"Any stars out?" he asked dryly, sensing what she was doing, "Are you reading the signs they tell us? Are you working out your horoscope? What does the future hold?"

A pause.

"Actually, I was just looking at the stars," she said sheepishly, removing one hand from around his waist to do something he couldn't see; rub her nose or push some hair out of her eyes and he felt the loss, he missed the contact, yet felt relieved at the same time before she replaced it again, allowing the rolling gait of their stallion to soothe her back into her half asleep state.

"Oh…" was all the azure haired youth could say and he smiled at his own naivety, shaking his head ruefully. "So, is there anything in particular you want to do tomorrow? I can take you to the village and you can meet the people. Or we can ride again, come and see the Korokuppur. Or you can stay at home, relax, but if we do, we'll have to hide from my parents…and Pirika."

A sweet, sleepy chuckle and Tamao moved closer, clearly finding the saddle uncomfortable.

"But don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"Work?" he queried, sounding amused even at the thought. "Since when did I work?"

"You know what I mean Horo…" the pink haired Prophetess sounded exasperated, even if her words were punctuated by a rather lengthy and extended yawn.

"So what do you mean, Tam?" Teasing was fun, wherever they were, even if it was not the comforting familiarity that the Asakura kitchen brought. Home was wherever they were, the two of them together or so HoroHoro saw it anyway.

"I mean don't you have to start what we came here for? The lily pad field? You are going to carry it out aren't you because Jun-San told me to make sure you did it…"

She sounded so earnest that HoroHoro could only chuckle, though the sheer innocence of her thought added to his amusement, also to her embarrassment. He could even sense her blush through his parka and he certainly could feel her hiding her face in shame in the relative safety of his back.

"Oh Tam, it's winter?" he finally managed to say through his laughter, voice husky and low and so filled with fondness that even Tamao sensed it and was thankful accordingly.

"So?"

"So, lily pads don't grow in winter!"

"They don't?" HoroHoro could almost hear the cogs working in her brain as she considered this. She was so straight forward, so true and simple in her own special way. It was what he loved about her, the fact that you could rely on her to think about everything, with a little wrinkle of her nose as he was sure was occurring right now as she pondered. "So why on earth did she send us here in winter? What was the point?"

He chuckled wryly, his thoughts mirroring her own. "I have no idea actually…perhaps she just wanted to get us out of the house?"

"Or maybe she just wanted Yoh all to herself…"

"Maybe, but who can ever tell what Anna really wants?" he said sympathetically, sitting up straighter as he saw the individual shape of their house and the orange light stretching from an open door in which a familiar figure was standing, waiting.

"I suppose…the stars are bright tonight," he heard her say finally, tone wistful and sleepy, all mixed with an awe for the world around her that people always seemed to get when they saw the scenery the Great Mother had given birth to.

"Those are the Summer Stars, Tam, they're always bright."

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Heehee XD And that's where my writer's name comes from…well, except it was an old Chinese folk tale, very beautiful, about how two lovers' souls were flung into the sky by the warlord who had killed them, but they became a God and Goddess and their children were stars and their offspring paved a passage way across the heavens…well, it's more beautiful when you hear it chanted to music, you just can't convey the feeling in this brief summary…XD I'm rambling again.

More fluff, but wow, I'm actually updating pretty frequently, this is unusual for me…it probably won't last, but still, **-fingers crossed-**

**Reviews:**

**Wish he was Mine: **Hey, it doesn't matter sweetie – at least you reviewed **–Cough **Rene **cough- **Anyway….oooh, sweetcorn! **–Snickers and digs in-**

**Shadowed Mediocrity: **Whewee, long review, I shall strive to answer it all.

**-Mutters and casts a dirty look at beta-** It WAS betaed…I shall be having words with her…anyway, my writing style…to be honest, most people dislike it, my English teacher included Okee, first point – pelt…must be an English thing, we use peltage as a horse term at my riding stables o.0 And I agree, the sentence was too long…I ran out of breath after the second comma. ;;

Giving a horse his head means to let him pick his own way, to loosen the reins, therefore, giving him his own head XD

The Great Spirit thing…I pondered this and while the Great Mother may not be an incarnation of the rather sexistly male Great Spirit, I was taking my cue from his rather frequent references to Mother nature herself – the Great Mother is just another name for her, also known as the Earth Mother or Doni.

Yes! HoroHoro is bad with girls, it's part of his charm! So many fics have him suddenly turning into a well spoken, articulate hottie when he's just…well, Horo…XD Blame the sweetcorn, the hormones line was sweetcorn related.

At a trot, I know when I first started riding, the most painful bit is your posterior…did I mention legs? **–Scurries off to check-**

Heehee, blame my martial arts training for the gap in updates and, this is me suddenly remembering the beginning of your review, I do read Tamora Pierce, but I haven't since before Christmas


	6. Spring Rain of Falling Tears

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

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A gentle mist rose from the richly coloured soil, the damp ground, swollen from the spring rains and proving treacherous. With the faint rays of morning light beginning to filter through, illuminating the rising tendrils of fog - the area had a dream like quality. An ethereal sense, intensified by the sweet strain of birdsong that was rising through the mist filled air, growing as the light did. A herald to the new day in a natural sense.

All of this was taken in by a pair of awed brown eyes as a figure stood, wreathed in mist between two of the ancient trees, one hand resting on the silvery bark of the nearer trunk.

"Remind me why we didn't come up here earlier, Amidamaru?" Yoh asked in a hushed voice, sounding almost unwilling to break the stillness around them, a physical silence before life emerged to greet the new day.

"Anna didn't want you to come up before the last of the winter snow had melted," the silvery haired spirit replied, hovering at about head height, his own face showing the appreciation for the scenery around them.

"Oh yeah…" the brunette said absently, rubbing his ear as he shouldered his far too heavy pack again. Whatever had possessed him to take it with him as he hiked out into the forest he never would know…but then again, thinking ahead had never been his strong point.

But then thinking like that, what ever had possessed him to accept the invitation to visit? The lengthy letter had been mostly written in the neat, flowing script that was clearly Tamao's, but with a few pages scrawled in HoroHoro's meandering writing, showing a clear abhorrence for lines. It had arrived at about mid January, surprising since it would have had to come through driving snow.

What wonderful postal services Hokkaido must have.

The letter from the two apologised for the lack of correspondence before Christmas, but provided a complete fill in which mostly seemed to revolve around the pink haired girl's increasing attraction to the Korokuppur or the animals which played such a central roll in the pair's lives. A post script at the bottom had actually contained the invitation, yet it was two months before Yoh actually ventured the idea to his snappy fiancée. Call it nerves and the fact it was HoroHoro. HoroHoro. And even when h did pluck up the courage, due to Anna' stubbornness regarding the dangers of the slow melting snow back in Hokkaido, it was another month before she actually allowed him to go, judging that he had run himself ragged for long enough over the winter.

Typical Anna, she refused to allow him to go to an area covered in snow, but while at home, she set him to pounding ice with his feet to make water. Something about an ancient technique students did for their sensei, but all Yoh knew was that his feet got cold and Anna got water.

"Are you going to look at the scenery all day or can we actually get a move on?" a voice said tartly and Yoh smiled, silently wondering how the beauty nature provided for them had no effect on the brisk Chinese youth who had come up beside him, looking disdainfully at the wet ground.

"We were just waiting for you, Ren," Yoh said cheerfully, his eyes sliding to their customary half closed position as he once again tried to make his pack more comfortable. No luck, his shoulders were too skinny and the straps rubbed. Painfully.

The purple haired youth 'hmphed' before nodding curtly and striding off, a lazier paced Yoh following. Of course Anna wouldn't have let Yoh go anywhere alone, without a chaperone. In fact, her sharp words had actually been, 'the idiot needs a nursemaid to keep him out of trouble.'

Enter Nursemaid Ren since Anna didn't judge Amidamaru to be any more responsible than his master. Although the tiger eyed boy had vociferously protested against the label of nursemaid. Not that they had had any effect on the stoic Itako who had ordered them both off to pack with a dismissive hand.

As per usual, Ren fumed and Yoh meekly scurried around, following orders. Life in the Asakura residence hadn't changed.

Ren cast a look back at the dawdling Yoh and gave an exasperated sigh. The taller youth had been blowing hot and cold over this trip since the letter had first come in January. Should he go? Should he stay? Should he go? Should he stay?

**Flashback:**

_What does a guy have to do to be able to meditate in peace? Just once. Just for one time without someone barging in and letting in a draft. Just once._

A rather irate Ren turned to look towards his doorway where, once again, Asakura Yoh could be found standing, looking surprisingly frantic, a bundle of papers in his hand.

"What now, Yoh?" he asked, exasperated, only to be halted as the brunette grabbed the doorframe, staggering as those new lines etched deeper into his face.

"Horo…" One word, one vulnerable word as his hands reflexively clutched the papers to his chest, mahogany bangs falling forwards to obscure his face.

"What about him?" Ren asked carefully, unused to seeing this torn apart side of Yoh. He was always so…calm, sad sometimes, but always calm and quiet, lazy he normally called it. But to see the wildness in his eyes and the fact that his hands were trembling, to realise that he was resting all his weight on the wall, this was different and badly so.

"He wants us to visit," Yoh blurted out, the whites visible at the edges of his eyes as he looked frantically at Ren.

"And…that's bad?" Ren frowned, trying to fathom what on earth it was that had Yoh so panic stricken and antsy.

"Of course it's bad!" Yoh yelped, running a free hand through his hair, voice cracking with the stress he so clearly felt. "I can't see him!"

"So don't go then." Ren shrugged, it seemed simple to him, but he was straightforward. Yoh on the other hand was unfathomable.

"But I want to see him, I need to see him!"

"So go then." Ren could feel a rapidly approaching headache and he suppressed the urge to rub his throbbing temple. "If you want to see him, just go and see him."

"But I don't want to see him…" Yoh said brokenly, shaking his head from side to side in distress, clearly confused and hurting, not that Ren knew what to do about it.

"I thought you said you did?"

"I know…and I do, but I don't, it will hurt." The tiger eyed boy thought he actually heard a sob, but it was hard to tell since Yoh had turned away, face half hidden by his hair again. "If I see him, oh God if he looks at me, I won't be able to…I can't…"

"So…you want to go, you want to see him?" Ren hazarded a guess and was rewarded by a minute nod. "But you're scared that seeing him will bring all the pain back when he said no." Another nod, even smaller. "You're not making any sense Yoh!"

A small, tired, world weary smile and a moment of clarity for the brown haired Shaman.

"I never make sense, Ren, never."

**End Flashback:**

"Yoh, this is your last chance," Ren said dryly, arching one perfect eyebrow as he watched the brunette look up from examining a clump of small blue flowers which seemed to be exploding from a decaying tree stump. A garland of the living growing from the remains of the dead… "If you want to back out, you have to say now."

"I know…but I have to see him, Ren, I can't have come this far and chicken out now," Yoh said quietly, face pale, but calm. "I need to see him."

"Good," Ren said briskly, starting to walk on again, "Because from what I can see, he's over there right now."

"Where?" Yoh's voice was sharp, alert as his head jerked up, eyes frantically scanning the area for the one he needed to see. "Where is he Ren?"

The purple haired boy rolled his eyes, but nodded towards a figure crouched at the edge of the large, open area they were standing in.

"Over there, come in, let's…" His words were cut off by the whirlwind that passed him as Yoh, moving faster than he had ever seen him voluntarily move, long legs carrying him over towards the bent over figure of…

"Horo!" The Ainu looked up, surprised, only to find himself enfolded in a rough bear hug, a brown head burying itself in the crook of his neck.

Blinking away his shock, HoroHoro recognised a familiar claw necklace currently digging into his chest and he grinned suddenly, returning the tight embrace in a show of exuberant masculine greeting.

"Yoh you baka, we were expecting you this afternoon. What the hell are you doing here early?" he said, holding Yoh out at arm's length to get a good look at him.

"We had a tail wind or something," Yoh said excitedly, squirming like a Labrador puppy in HoroHoro's grasp, "Not to mention Ren bullied the airport people into letting us use the runway first."

"I did not bully them, I simply pointed out that it would be in their interest not to push me the wrong way and to allow me to carry out my wishes," Ren said tartly, having walked more sedately over to the pair.

"While casually holding your pointy thing in one hand," Yoh said cheerfully, eyes never leaving HoroHoro's face. "I think that counts as bullying."

The Ainu snickered at the disgusted look on Ren's face, trying not to notice that indeed, Yoh was looking at him so fondly, as if this was the only time he had truly smiled since HoroHoro had left.

"So your flight was alright then?" The azure haired boy directed this question towards Ren, tone friendly, conversational. As if no time had passed, they hadn't spent the winter and early spring without seeing each other.

"It was quick," was the short answer and HoroHoro felt himself being placed under the scrutiny of those penetrating saffron eyes, their gaze travelling down his body. Yet…yet he got the impression that Ren was looking for something more, something more than a physical quality, that the Chinese Shaman was looking deeper into him, seeking an answer.

And he seemed to have found it, for the tiger's gaze flicked back up to his face, one fine brow arching in question. "And what have you been up to, to get so dirty?"

HoroHoro looked down and smiled ruefully – the sticky mud so important to his work was plastered across the knees of his jeans, not to mention coating his hands and finding its treacherous way underneath his fingernails. Plus, from the stiff sensation rapidly increasing on his left cheek, he probably had some of the loamy material streaking a trail across his skin.

"I've been working, I needed to till all of the soil before I could plant the seedlings Tam and I've been growing since the New Year," he said defensively, nodding towards the ground he had been crouching over. A trowel lay forgotten on the floor, burnished silver soiled with, well, soil.

Ren wrinkled his nose, looking sceptically at the mud stains, but Yoh only laughed, bending down to pick up the trowel and handing it, wooden shaft first, to its owner.

"So you've been busy then?" he asked, voice teasing, even hopeful.

HoroHoro nodded, taking the trowel from Yoh and vainly attempting to brush some of the mud off his jeans, but failing miserably.

"We haven't stopped being busy," HoroHoro said dryly, stretching his legs, limbs stiff from the crouched position he had been in since before dawn. "Luckily, I'm done now, so c'mon."

Yoh looked confused, tilting his head to one side. "Huh?"

The Ainu grinned, one of his moronic and utterly charming grins. "How does breakfast sound to you, buddy?"

An equally inane expression appeared on Yoh's face at the mention of food. "It sounds heavenly…"

Ren, who had been watching this with what looked like increasing horror, made a disgusted noise.

"Morons…"

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"Tam, I'm home!"

HoroHoro, his hands still damp, but more importantly clean from a brief sojourn to the water trough outside, walked into the wooden building, hanging his jacket up on the peg. Ren and Yoh followed more slowly, intrigued by the house which they had just entered, looking around as the Ainu walked further down the hall.

"You're early," a muffled voice called from the kitchen before a pink head poked around the door, turning a small smile on the returned HoroHoro. "Breakfast isn't quite ready yet."

"I can wait," he said, leaning down to give her a quick peck on her cheek to which she only reacted to with a smile – routine had halted her blushes somewhat, at least when it came to HoroHoro.

"Good because you'd have had to anyway," the Prophetess smiled, disappearing once more into the kitchen where faint music could be heard drifting out from.

HoroHoro shook his head, smiling to himself as he turned, only to face Ren and Yoh. The former had his usual arched brow expression on his face while the latter had a rather forced smile.

"Was that Tamao?" Yoh finally asked, nodding abruptly towards the door.

"Yeah, she's making breakfast." HoroHoro seemed clueless to the tension that had suddenly crackled from his brown haired friend.

"But she didn't blush…or stutter!"

_That's because you haven't been around…_

HoroHoro shrugged, opening the door of the kitchen and gesturing for the other two to go in. "I guess the Northern air was good for her."

"A shame it didn't sweeten you up," Ren commented as he passed, earning a good natured growl from the northern man.

Inside the homely kitchen, the music had grown louder, a lazy piece of saxophone jazz which didn't intrude upon the ears or demand attention. Tamao had her back to the door, busying herself at the sink as she heard the door open.

"Sit," she said calmly, gesturing without looking towards the worn pine table in the centre of the room. "I'll have it on the table in a minute."

As always, HoroHoro allowed himself a look – Pirika and his mother had clearly gotten their hands on his shy friend, judging from the traditional clothes she was sporting. The blue wrap around shirt she wore was loose, as nearly all her outfits were and a fact that he often lamented. Just that little part of his mind driven by hormones, remember?

Back to the clothes.

Stretching down, it was more like a tunic than a shirt, belted in at the waist with flaps hanging down to about mid thigh, modest slits on both sides adding to the manoeuvrability of the garment. The material itself was inscribed with the same angular lines which decorated so much in Ainu society, HoroHoro's bedspreads included. Beneath that, pale jeans showed the wear of use that had come from their days out in the forest, riding, cultivating, communing with nature and all that.

He didn't do anything, he just looked, but the looking in itself was condemning him in another's eyes.

"Aren't you going to let her know we're here, Horo?" Yoh asked cattily, torn between sending Tamao disbelieving looks and the bluenette mournful ones.

Over by the sink, movement ceased as a familiar voice assaulted the pink haired girl's ears. Gripping the edge of the counter tightly in both hands, she closed her eyes, a small shiver running down her spine before she actually steeled herself to look.

"Y-Yoh-Sama…Ren-San," she said, her face pale, but composed as she bowed, hands pressed against her thighs. Her greeting may have been to two, but there was no doubt to whom her eyes were drawn to.

"Tamao," Ren said calmly, seemingly unperturbed by the raging emotions that were vying with each other around him as he slipped down into the seat at the table she had directed to them earlier. "You look well – surprisingly so, I'd have thought you'd have been driven to murder Horo after spending so long with him."

A faint blush covering her cheeks, Tamao shook her head. "HoroHoro-Kun has been nothing, but kind to me in my stay," she murmured, looking subdued as she turned back to the azure haired one in question. "When you next go into town, we've run out of rice so perhaps you could pick some up?"

When he nodded, she bowed again, hiding behind her soft pink bangs as she turned away, busying herself with pulling bread out from the charcoal oven, steam billowing around her head.

"I promised I'd give Mana a bath, so will you be all right without me for the morning?" she asked flatly, her tone dead. "Besides, I suppose you'll be entertaining our…guests, so I take it you won't be working."

HoroHoro, withdrawing slightly with surprise at her sudden change in manner, could only nod. "No, no, you've been working so hard recently, you deserve a day off." He smiled gently, trying to send her soothing vibes, though he was dubious about his own success. "What would I do without you Tam?"

Across the table, Yoh looked fitfully down at his hands, blankly watching red seep under his fingernails as he dug crescents into his palm, barely registering the pain.

_How dare he? How dare he be so familiar with her? How _could_ he?_

Even in the midst of her turmoil, Tamao managed to spare HoroHoro a small, grateful smile.

"You'd do fine, I'm just here to make sure you find time to eat."

A derisive snort came from Ren. "Since when has finding time to eat become a problem for Horo?"

"Since I've been spending all day in the fields," HoroHoro retorted, tossing a dishcloth at Ren and snickering when it caught on his headspike. "At least I'm being productive."

"You call grubbing around in the mud like a wild boar productive?" Ren sniffed as he, with as much dignity as he could muster, removed the offending cloth from his head. "I hardly think so…"

Once more bristling in the manner which led from all of his and Ren's exchanges, the Ainu glared heatedly at the boy across the table from him. "And what have you been doing, Tao? What have you been doing that makes you so much better?"

Ren sniffed, a little superior smirk on his sharp features. "I'll have you know that Yoh and I have been in intensive training – I highly doubt that there are many that could defeat us now."

"Except me of course."

"Yes of course, except….no, not you, that was my point!"

"You had a point? I thought that was just your hair."

"Gah…"

It was odd how easily the atmosphere had slipped back into the tetchy mood of the Asakura residence…or simply any room which had the misfortune of enclosing both Ren and HoroHoro. But then again, it wasn't malicious, it never had been. It was the closest the two would ever come to comradery, that testy bickering which served as 'social interaction' even if it was a rather twisted idea of it.

Call it their odd way of showing their brotherly love.

All through their ramblings, Tamao had been quietly placing the morning meal on the table, untrobusively winding around them though her hand lingered on the plate she placed before Yoh.

With an effort, she pulled it away and turned back to HoroHoro who was by now fuming. One could nearly see the steam exploding from his ears due to the pressuring anger within him. "Is there anything else?" she asked quietly, head lowered demurely as she tried to resist the urge to sneak looks at Yoh. "Or may I go bathe Mana now?"

The Ainu nodded, looking intently at her face with a seriousness he rarely showed. "You'll be alright? You remember the way to call one of the Korokuppur if you need anything?"

The pink haired girl smiled slightly, pulling out the ornately carved wooden shaft, similar to the good luck charms he himself owned. "Yes HoroHoro-Kun, I remember."

"Good, so, I'll see you at dinner?" Tamao may not have noticed the hope in his voice, but Yoh did.

And he didn't like it.

"Of course, I'll have it ready by sunset."

Another bow and the young girl left in a wave of pink hair and blue cloth, drawing with her the gaze of all three men in the room.

"What did you do guys?" HoroHoro asked with a sigh, rubbing his nose irately. "I'd just got her talking to people again."

Ren rolled his amber eyes, drumming his fingers lightly on the table. "_I _didn't do anything," he sniffed, looking pointedly at Yoh who just blinked, clueless as ever to what was poking right into his face.

"Yeah, well…" was HoroHoro's rather articulate answer as he too seemed to notice Yoh and his voice trailed off. It seemed they had themselves a bit of a love triangle, even that was noticeable to the romantically incompetent Ainu.

_Tam loves Yoh and she shouldn't, not if he doesn't even swing that way, but she's so pure in it, so innocent. She doesn't deserve the pain she's living with and she doesn't deserve the pain which will happen when she finds out that…Yoh wants me, much as I hate to admit it. I don't want to hurt him…but I don't want him either. He's Yoh, he's my friend, friends don't do that…but Tam…she's a friend as well, but I wish to God that we did that thing…no, damn hormones…leave me alone!_

He closed his eyes, trying to halt the painful circle of never-ending thought which revolved in his head.

_Why does this have to happen to me?_

"Well she never had problems speaking to you," Yoh muttered, his chin resting on his folded arms as he poked tiredly at the plate set so lovingly before him. "Not back home, not here?"

"You think?" However bad he felt about refusing Yoh's advances, particularly after the brunette had been so enthusiastic and warm when they had first found him, HoroHoro was eager to learn what the other's judged his pink haired friend to think of him.

"Oh please…" This came from Ren, accompanied by another of his patented eye rolls. "You two are acting like a young married couple." In response to two blank looks sent his way, the Chinese youth sighed, resigning himself to explaining the point. "She's comfortable around you…she doesn't clam up around you like when she's with Yo-…the rest of us. She was cooking…you surprised her by being early…the looking, the smiling, how old are you two, thirty?"

"She's only seventeen, she's too young to act married," HoroHoro said defensively, his one track mind ignoring the insult to himself, but bridling against the one aimed for the shy Prophetess.

"And what age do Ainu girls start to get married?"

A grudging silence only increased the smirk on Ren's face and he settled back in his chair, gaze flitting between the flushed HoroHoro and the reticent Yoh.

"She's not from Hokkaido," HoroHoro said finally and a trifle lamely.

"She sure looked like it," Ren said with a smug air of satisfaction. "I assume your sister had something to do with her attire."

Silence only greeted his question, due to the fact HoroHoro had run out of protestations, to Ren and to himself.

_Damn Ren, he's always watching, observing, why does he have to do that? It's just annoying…as I said, as soon as I get back to my beloved female friends, we'll sort these stupid feelings out. I'm nineteen, what do you expect me to think when I see a girl? A pretty, young girl. A shy, beautiful girl who only seems to open up around you._

_A girl who's all those things, but along with being in love with Yoh. Damn._

_Perhaps I should have invited Jun as well. That way I could have carried on with my happy little existence, flirting with her and being nothing more than a friend to Tam._

_Yeah right._

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**-Cackles- **I adore love triangles, don't you? But then I also enjoy torturing my characters and this fic does both. XD Well, just a warning to say that, due to school work and my martial arts training, updates may be slower. Anywho, onto the reviews.

**Reviews:**

**Wish he was Mine: **The Ren Yoh bit was fun, but I prefer the bit in this chapter And the next chapter's exerpt, but you can't read that :P Anyway…Koolaid? Oh dear lord…well, at least it's made you write me a nice, long review. And Ren blood ice cubes don't taste very good…trust me.

Tracee…I've warned you, stop trying to get her into trouble. I can poke her myself, particularly since I can actually meet her in person! Mwahahahahaha!

Wheezy? **-Shakes head- **It's true, you are an idiot.

I hate to say it, but Ren does look girly at times…oh well **–Rapes-**

**Long Ragged Moan: **Don't make excuses, this story was up for a long time before died and you know it! But, at least you reviewed, though to be honest, I hated having to get Tracee to poke you for me – it's bad enough I can't rp much anymore without thinking that you talk to me less because of it. Anyway…you know, you hardly mention the story at all?

Half term sounds great, but it's really odd to be writing this where everyone else can see it. O.0 Anyway…heehee, HoroHoro with puppy eyes is great fun. Pissy Ren ish always good…no, my Faust! I'll be his friend! I'll feed him Manta!

**Shadowed Mediocrity: **I second your buggers – I hate it when that happens. I can never get my thought processes back…

You have hit on the heart of the manner – the problem is, half of the time, I write how I speak…which means long rambly sentences with many commas where I frequently pause. The thing is, I'm a scriptwriter at heart and that sometimes carries across into my writing, a fact I need to remedy, eh? XD 0.o Ren's hair? Better upload this quickly then…thanks for the advice – I severely need it. You have a rare talent in being able to give constructive criticism – far too many people on this cursed site are unable to give that. Anyway, I now have a comma box, like a swear box and I have beaten my beta into submission for it. Thanks again.


	7. Lying is bad for the Soul

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

Sorry! I was going to load this yesterday, but the site was down, again. Besides, I've had three hours of martial arts training a night due to the leadership course I'm on. At the end of next week, I'll be a licensed instructor! Yay!

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"Ren, get out of my room."

Things seemed to have taken a rather strange term if it was actually the Chinese Shaman intruding on Yoh's privacy instead of the other way around, but this was the North, anything could happen.

Ren just raised an eyebrow as he moved decisively into the darkened room, gaze fixed on the figure that was slumped so dejectedly on the window seat.

"You left dinner early," he commented dryly, standing in the single shaft of moonlight which illuminated Yoh's limp body, his back still stubbornly turned towards him.

"I wasn't hungry," was the flat response.

"Now I know something's wrong." Ren took a few steps closer until he could hear the slow shifts of breath that barely made the brown haired Shaman's chest rise or fall. "You're always hungry and you passed over a wonderful meal. Yoh, what's wrong?"

A shrug of those slim shoulders was the only response Ren received.

Not at all happy with the answer, but trying to stay calm, Ren looked over Yoh, watching the same patch of night sky that he was staring so vacantly at. Diamond pinpricks blazed an icily clear path across the velvet dark background, cold and bright even through the thin mist of spring. Many would have been entranced by it, but the Chinese youth ignored them, his attention being more focused on the brunette who was currently hugging his knees close to his chest.

"You shouldn't let him get to you," he said finally, never being one to beat around the bush too much.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Yoh said, his voice dead as he still continued to look up at the sky, eyes dark with the odd star induced sparkle.

"You know exactly what I mean," Ren said acidly. Fact of the universe, a Tao does not repeat himself and it is a rather bad idea to force him to do so at risk of castration. "You're hurting yourself Yoh and you need to desist."

"I'm not hurting anyone," was the muttered reply. "Just leave me alone Ren, you should be getting to bed."

"Asakura, you're a bad liar – what happened to lying is bad for the soul?" Ren said mockingly, accidentally or perhaps not nudging the youth in question in the back with a sharp elbow. "Besides…" Nudging elbows insistent, Ren had soon acquired himself a seat by the window, next to Yoh's folded legs. "I only need four hours of sleep a night, I can spare some time for you."

"But you don't need to…"

"I want to." And of course, no-one denies a Tao what they want.

Yoh sighed resignedly, head lolling back against the wooden wall as he closed his eyes, blocking out the sight of Ren, the stars, the world…

"Fine…whatever…"

The two sat in a restless sort of silence with Ren looking intently at Yoh and Yoh trying to ignore it. Yellow eyes narrowed in contemplation and his eyebrows were getting progressively higher as the time dragged by.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to embarrass us both by hazarding some guesses?" Ren said finally, tone prodding as he continued to bore into Yoh with gleaming saffron eyes, silver in the muting effect of the moonlight.

A whisper of breath escaped pale pink lips and Yoh opened a slit of an eye, as if to check that Ren really was still here and hadn't slipped away as he had hoped.

"Fine…" Oddly enough, Yoh didn't find it hard to look at the silver illuminated man across from him. Ren didn't have a superior look on his face, it was as if he were genuinely interested. "It's Horo…"

A snort. "No surprises there."

Yoh sent the purple haired Shaman a look which didn't bode well for either of them. "Am I that obvious?"

Another snort. "Considering the fact you spent half of the day watching the Ainu with those darned big deer eyes of yours.."

"I did not…"

"And the other half of the day you spent looking at Tamao as if she were a snake and you were a Momma bird protecting her eggs."

"…"

"Now, what would have brought that sudden change in opinion about her to the surface," Ren asked archly, still watching the taller youth intently. "What did she do Yoh?"

"She was just there!" the brunette suddenly burst out, dark eyes shadowed by the moon which illuminated Ren. "She was just there and he was looking at her like…"

"Like the way you want him to look at you?"

"Yes…" The answer was heartbreakingly racked with pain and a shuddering breath fought free from the restricting embrace his own ribs placed upon him. "He looked like he wanted her so much, his eyes, I could see it in them…and she…"

"Didn't look like she had any idea?" Ren said carefully, still unsure of what Yoh truly knew about where Tamao's affections really lay.

"Yeah…he shouldn't watch her like that…he shouldn't have to lo-I mean like someone who doesn't look at him the same way," Yoh said with a heavy heart, leaden in his chest.

"Like you have to?"

"Yeah…he shouldn't have to hurt so much."

"Like you have to?"

"And when did you get so intuitive?" Yoh asked, flustered by how well Ren seemed to be pulling the words from his mouth. _How well he seems to understand…_

Ren shrugged, looking away, back up to the icy stars. "I watch, I listen, you pick up things like that if you only take the time to observe."

A small, sad smile flickered across Yoh's clear cut features, aged beyond his years. "And why have you been watching me Ren? Why have you been wasting time on a lovelorn sheep like me?"

A self conscious shrug. "You made an interesting guinea pig – you're hardly a text book specimen."

"I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted," Yoh said dryly, his own eyes looking up towards where Ren's gaze was hovering.

"It means you aren't boring," Ren said tetchily, suddenly seeming to have picked up his customary bad mood from wherever he had dumped it before this little pep talk. "So, next textbook question, what are you going to do about it?"

"Horo isn't an it," Yoh said, just as flatly, but his eyes gained a new depth – warmth and pain dancing hand and hand in the brown pools. "Besides, what can I do about him?"

"Stop loving him," was the cold answer, one which brought a shocked and startled look to the brunette's face.

"You make it sound so easy…you make it sound as if it's something I can just switch off!" Yoh sounded outraged, almost speechless at what the indifferent Ren had just said.

"It will hurt less if you do," Ren said coolly, eyes unblinking and emotionless.

"And this is coming from the person who doesn't feel? Who doesn't know what pain is?" Yoh clearly missed the warning signs for he soon found himself slammed back against the window frame, one of Ren's slim, but strong forearms pressing down over his throat as the tiger eyed Shaman's face snarled down into the brunette's own.

"Do not make the mistake of holding what I used to be against me," the angry youth said, eyes blazing with a hidden fire. "How dare you accuse me of not feeling? How dare you after what we've been through, what I've been through?"

Frozen in place, Yoh's gaze was locked with Ren's, dilated pupils quivering inside the chestnut round of his iris. Going limp in Ren's grip, the bumps of his spine pressed uncomfortably up against the hardness of the wall, he could only look up, shocked at his reaction.

"You have no idea," came the low dangerous hiss, "You cannot imagine the pain I feel as I watched myself being groomed into that person who doesn't feel as you put it. You cannot feel the scars that left in my soul, in me!"

With a disgusted noise, Ren all, but flung Yoh out of the window, shoving him away. "You had it easy Asakura, your heart was left intact. Six years, six years and I'm still picking up my own tattered pieces." His voice suddenly hushed, becoming, but a whisper in the still room. "You said time would heal me Yoh, but you lied. You told me…you told me we'd be friends, you showed me who friends were, but here you are throwing my past in my face and it's too close for comfort."

"Ren…"

"Do you know how hard it is watching you hurt yourself for no reason, when I can't even begin to make mine go away? Do you?"

"Ren…I…"

"You can't change him Ren. If he loves Tamao, is it fair to deny him that." The dark figure stood with his back to the window and from Yoh's position on the floor, Ren's face was in shadow, backlit by the fading moon. "You have a strong friend in him, Yoh, don't ruin it by hoping he'll love something he can't. And you've always had something special in Tamao, she's in exactly the same position as you."

The puzzled look on the fallen Yoh's face was evidence enough that he had no clue. "Tamao loves Horo? But why doesn't she…"

"Tamao loves you, you dolt!" Ren cut in shortly. "She always has."

The brown haired youth was stunned, immobilised on the floor. "Tamao? But I…"

"Don't do girls, I know that…but she doesn't," Ren interrupted again, determined to force all the facts at Yoh before he had a chance to respond. "If you're suffering from being rejected by that Ainu baka, think how someone less secure than you will take it? Think of the pain she will feel and maybe you'll stop obsessing about yourself." A final sniff, one of Ren's patented noises. "You're not the only one that hurts Yoh – Tamao, Horo, me, we all have our problems."

As he lapsed into silence, rant done for now, Yoh looked up at the shadowy figure, so proud and strong and sad and hurt at the same time. Like a wounded lion, paws bloody and torn with a spear deep in his heart, but with that fire in his eyes and strength still in his noble body. He would still fight on, regardless of the pain, until his mortal body would fail him. But the strong spirit gave the weak body strength and would fly on wings of fire through the sky even after darkness claimed him. The fallen youth looked at him with new admiration, new realisation.

_So that's why Ren is well…Ren._

"What am I going to tell her?" he asked, lost in the new waves of knowledge as the lion Ren looked disdainfully down at him. "How am I going to tell her that I…"

"Fuck guys?"

"Um…perhaps not like that, but still…" Yoh sighed, running a blind hand through his mahogany bangs, trying in vain to stop them from falling into his face. "How can I tell her what Horo told me? How can I break her heart?"

"Your heart isn't broken, Yoh," Ren snapped, face unsympathetic. "You'll get over it – Tamao, from what I've heard, she's loved you since she was five. Five, Yoh, that's a long time now, most of her life and all of it focused on you." The purple haired youth looked levelly at Yoh, head tilted marginally to one side. "You really didn't have any idea?"

"None whatsoever…" Yoh said sheepishly, obviously thinking back over all those little signs, all those little hints. "I didn't notice to be honest, she was just always there, so quiet…"

"She was invisible," Ren supplied, a delicate eyebrow arched. "She made herself useful in those small ways she became part of the scenery?"

"I suppose…" Yoh said uncomfortably, shifting on the floor, suddenly aware of how he might have dismissed her efforts, brushed away her heartfelt wishes. "I didn't know…"

"You didn't look," Ren said simply. "You didn't think to look, to watch. You didn't even see how everyone else reacted to it?"

"Wait, everyone knew?" Yoh was highly confused now, his nose wrinkled up.

"Of course everyone knew, they watched her, they watched you. It was obvious from the way Anna treated her."

"Anna? But Anna didn't like her because she thought she was weak…"

"Anna didn't like her because she had the strength and the courage to actually want something that belonged to Anna. Anna saw her as a threat, Horo too though God knows how she found out about that." Ren said this dryly, internally astonished by Yoh's obliviousness.

"Horo…wait, that's why…here!" Realisation dawned in those trusting brown eyes.

"Yes Yoh," Ren said patiently, as if he were talking to a pre-schooler. "Anna effectively got rid of the competition – you belong to her, Yoh, you are her property in her eyes."

"But she has no right to…" Yoh protested, a slight frown appearing in his brow.

"She thinks she does," Ren shrugged carelessly, "What Anna wants, Anna gets."

"I suppose," Yoh said dubiously, pulling absently on the fringe of the rug, still not having gotten up from the floor. "So am I? Am I her property?"

There was a moment of serious silence before, "Yoh, you are no-one's but your own. You're not Anna's, you're not Tamao's, you're not mine, you're not Horo's. You belong to whoever you choose to give yourself to, but primarily, you are your own person."

"Wow…I have to say, I never thought I'd be coming to you for advice, Ren…" Yoh looked at the Chinese youth oddly, unsure of how he might take this.

Luckily for him, Ren just gave a half skewed smile. "I give good advice, people just don't often like it. I won't cater to their wants, I won't soften the blow."

Yoh chuckled, a harsh, grating chuckle, but it was still a laugh. "Again, I'm not sure whether this was a good idea or not."

"We'll see…so Yoh, back to the original question, what are you going to do about it?" Ren shifted in his standing position, watching Yoh consider this seriously, taking his time.

Watching, always watching.

"I guess…I guess I have to talk to Tamao…" he said finally, voice thoughtful, yet sad at the same time, an undercurrent of fear lacing his voice. "It's not fair to leave her like this, not knowing…"

Seeing Ren nod his slow and steady approval, Yoh sighed, once more pushing a limp bang from his face, despite the fact it contrarily flopped back. "And?"

"And…and we have to leave…I need to think on this and I can't do that with _him_, around, I wouldn't be able to, I'd be, ah…"

"Distracted?"

"Yeah…hey Ren?"

The shorter Shaman looked up from his contemplative staring match with the floor, one eyebrow raised in an unspoken invitation to continue. "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry…"

"Well you should be." Had that come out a little too hard? Ren relented, letting a small smile flicker onto his features. "But you always manage Yoh, everybody loves you too much to stay angry at you for long?"

"Really?" Those sparkling brown eyes betrayed his surprise and inwardly Ren rolled his eyes good naturedly, just satisfied that Yoh was out of his aggravating bout of self pity. Ren hated self pity, it was the fuel of weakness. "Supposed I'd better go and see Tamao then…get this over with so we can all get over it…"

Yoh's normal 'bounce' seemed to have returned as he, well, bounced out of the room, leaving Ren alone and shadowed by moonlight.

A small sigh, an exhale of breath, nothing more, nothing less.

"Everyone loves you Yoh…."

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A weary groan escaped Tamao's lips as hot water hit her aching muscles, biting her lip as she sank down into the soothing mere of the hot springs.

_Remind me never to let Pirika convince me to do anything again…_

The azure haired girl had come rushing up to her when she had been in the process of squeezing water from the heavy coat of a delighted Mana who was making the job rather difficult, probably due to the fact she took every opportunity to bath Tamao's face in long strokes of her tongue.

She could have sworn the Borzoi was grinning.

One of the great white pines which had been growing at the edge of the village had finally succumbed to old age, its rotten core collapsing under the weight of the mighty spread of branches at its crown. The regal tree had fallen, its length spread out across one of the paths which wound around the borders of the forest and a crowd had been building around it, a sudden flurry of axes and snaggle toothed saw appearing in abundance.

Tamao had never seen a group of people be so loud before. Talking about cross beams and split points and firewood and which point would be best to launch the first blow…lumber sizes and whether to sever the branches before hand…all this had quickly degenerated into a 'my axe is bigger than your axe,' discussion.

All this had gone straight over the clueless Prophetess' head and she had been standing there uncomfortably, first on one foot, then the other, a rather fragrant wet dog standing happily beside her, gradually soaking her sacred blue tunic, a gift from HoroHoro's mother, with the enthusiastic sprays of the plumed tail. The sopping wet plumed tail which had, at the time, seemed to have been moving at sixty miles per hour.

When the inhabitants of Hokkaido had finally decided on a course of action after an eternity of gesticulation and insults that seemed to extend seven generations back, Tamao found herself with even more on her hands.

Literally.

While the men attacked the fallen giant in a flurry of rotten splinters, small twigs and a disturbing amount of woodlice who were irate at being evicted from a perfectly desirable home with a wonderful view from the top if you took the time to tunnel through the silvery bark, the women lugged away the branches felled.

Even Pirika set to work with a will, ignoring the state of her clothes in favour of pulling the tangled limbs that were tossed down from the white pine and Tamao was blindly led along.

The repetitive and often heavy, let alone dirty work had included a lot of bending and lifting and dragging and slogging and…lots of things that did rather painful things to her back, her legs, her arms…

Which was why the herb scented water was so blissfully welcome, indeed her muscles were currently screaming their joy. Letting her eyes close, the slim girl leant back, shoulders sinking under the water as tendrils of steam rose snakelike around her face, tangling with sweat stained hair.

Needless to say, she was bone dead exhausted and in less than an attractive state – sweaty skin, flushed cheeks, pink hair dusty and filled with splinters and the odd evicted woodlouse. She knew she should get around to washing her hair, but to be honest, she was just ready to slip into a weariness induced sleep, right there and then in the large bath.

Time for a wake up call.

A large splash announced the uninvited presence of a rather large body and Tamao opened her eyes to reveal a tri coloured body – white, grey and brown all muted by the added effect of being soaked again.

"Mana!" she scolded, but weakly, unable to summon up the energy to shoo the once again grinning dog away, even if she was intruding upon the first moment of silence she had managed to gain all evening.

The first opportunity she had to think about Yoh…But was that welcome? He was here…he was actually here, in the same house as her…again, after so long.

What was she supposed to do? To think?

It hurt…having him so close had hurt that she had run, she had actually run from the room he was in, so shocked was she at seeing him again. She had needed escape and she had found it for the majority of the day, but now, the simple lack of daylight had forced her back home.

_Since when did Hokkaido, this house, become home?_

The question was valid, but then where was home for the pink haired girl? The Asakura's ancestral residence? Funbari? Or here?

_I've moved around so much, I've forgotten what home is…_she thought tiredly to herself, half aware that Mana had nudged her long face under the crook of her arm and was currently trying to fit as much of her as she could onto her lap. With a dog the size of a Borzoi, this wasn't very much, especially with a girl as petite as Tamao.

Her pensive manner must have sent a warning to the sodden Mana, whose slender form was revealed more clearly when the warm water clicked her normally thick coat down. The female dog, after staying still for a few blessed seconds, squirmed, twisting her head upwards so that she could once again press a rather cold nose to the hollow at the base of Tamao's throat, startling a yelp from her.

"Mana you bad dog, what am I going to do with you?" she asked exasperatedly, gripping the dog's face in her hands and looking straight into those big brown eyes. Ruffling the damp fur in her hands, Tamao couldn't hold back a smile. "Wasn't one bath enough for you today, you silly dog?"

"Apparently not, but she does get very dirty," a voice commented, a very male voice and Tamao turned, mouth suddenly very dry.

"HoroHoro-Kun…I'm sorry, did you want to use the springs?" she asked nervously, a panting dog echoing in her ear not helping the situation overly.

The blue haired youth grinned from his position by the sink, watching his friend, well, her reflection in the mirror he was currently looking into. "I thought we'd established that Horo was easier to say?" he commented, dipping his hands into the stone bowl of water there. Amused and yet saddened at the same time at the blush which crossed her cheeks and the way she buried her face in the wet ruff of Mana's shoulders, he raised an eyebrow. "So what brought all the misplaced respect flowing back? It wouldn't have anything to do with our esteemed Shaman King's presence here?"

The sarcasm in his voice was a tone he rarely used on his timid friend and she flinched accordingly, not removing her face from the Borzoi's fur. "You didn't warn me Yoh-Sama and Ren-San would be there…I didn't realise that they were even coming."

"Yeah…I'm sorry about that." HoroHoro actually looked sheepish at that, glad that his companion couldn't see his face from her current position. "It was all very last minute and I didn't want to tell you in case…"

"In case I'd obsess?" Emerging from her furry barrier, Tamao gave the Ainu a rueful look. "Thank you…it was very considerate of you."

The young man's smile became a little forced, stiffened by the guilt he felt at such blatant trust in his morals. Misplaced trust from a vulnerable friend…

"Tam…about Yoh…."

That wariness, there, the unease, the reluctance to speak about her feelings. "What about him?"

"Just be careful around him," HoroHoro said finally, striving for the right words. "He might end up hurting you and I don't want to see that happen."

"Hurt me? Yoh-Sama wouldn't hurt me…" Tamao said, looking puzzled, but a moment of unease showing through. "Would he?"

The young man sighed, turning around to face his friend and mentally berating himself for, in this sober, serious scene, even contemplating just joining her in the pool and thanking God that Tamao's modesty had lead her to bathe in a pair of leggings and a vest top. If she hadn't…he might not have been able to control himself.

"Look, about Yoh…it's just that he…and this is nothing to do with you…"

"What's nothing to do with her?" an innocent voice asked and two pairs of eyes swivelled towards the doorway where, of course, Yoh could now be found.

Since Tamao seemed to have her normal case of paralysis where Yoh was concerned, it was left to HoroHoro to shrug nonchalantly, a lazy grin appearing on his face.

"I was just telling Tam it can't have been her cooking tonight that made you lose your appetite, horror of horrors," the blue haired youth drawled teasingly after some rather swift thinking.

"Ah…" The brunette's eyes flicked towards the girl in question who had busied herself petting the dog who was still sharing her bath with her, trying not to look at either of the men who were intruding on her quiet time. "Speaking of which, I actually came to talk to you Tamao."

The slim hands failed in their movement for a moment, frozen in the air with beaded droplets of water running off of her fingers before they fell back into the water. "Oh…"

HoroHoro bit his lip momentarily before he turned abruptly. "I'll leave you two alone then," he said, his voice jovial as he walked towards the door, passing Yoh on the way. One hand shot out and gripped his arm, pulling the surprised Yoh close. The brunette looked up with wide eyes into HoroHoro's determined features.

"Don't hurt her Yoh…" Don't ask how he knew what was coming, don't ask how he suddenly sensed it, all he knew was that no way in hell was Yoh going to hurt his dearest friend. "Don't hurt her because of me."

He left Yoh no time to answer before he had pushed past, releasing the startled Shaman who blinked a few times before looking back to Tamao. Since HoroHoro had had the sense of mind to keep his voice low and Tamao had pointedly been looking away, she was unaware they had even exchanged words.

Smiling gently, Yoh watched the person who loved him so much, loved him so truly, yet he could never love back apart from with the brotherly love that she didn't want.

"Hey…."

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Hehehe, sorry for the cliff hanger, but I couldn't do too sets of rather emotional moments in one chapter, so I split the rather lengthy chapter up into two. I won't make you wait too long, writing is coming easily recently, a fact I'm very grateful for. Now I just need time to write in…

**Reviews:**

**Squirrel Fraulein:** I suppose I should be modest and all and say I don't write for reviews…but they do make it better, ne? XD Oh well, at least you've reviewed as well, so that makes it good.

**Kaeru Soyokaze: **Yesh, poor characters…wait, I'm torturing me. **–Hides from irate Yoh, Ren, HoroHoro and Tamao- **I am warming to Anna and Yoh – I've normally steered clear of canon couples, but recently…) Yes! Another HoroHoro Tamao fangirl! **–Glomps like crazy- **I adore Tamao, she's just the sweetest little thing…

**AnimeGirl114: **I'm glad you like it…oh yeah, Morphine. My computer decided to replace Morphin with Morphine, charming as the little bugger of a machine is.


	8. Hope is the Betrayer

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

Weehee, time for chapter eight **–Does a little dance- **Again with the wait, but this Choi Kwang Do course is hard! I get home, grab a bite to eat and then I'm out until about eleven at night getting pummeled. Plus, I just ripped a stomach muscle, one of the more painful experiences in my life XD

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**Last time:**

"_Don't hurt her Yoh…" Don't ask how he knew what was coming, don't ask how he suddenly sensed it, all he knew was that no way in hell was Yoh going to hurt his dearest friend. "Don't hurt her because of me."_

_He left Yoh no time to answer before he had pushed past, releasing the startled Shaman who blinked a few times before looking back to Tamao. Since HoroHoro had had the sense of mind to keep his voice low and Tamao had pointedly been looking away, she was unaware they had even exchanged words._

_Smiling gently, Yoh watched the person who loved him so much, loved him so truly, yet he could never love back apart from with the brotherly love that she didn't want._

"_Hey…."_

"Hey." Tamao shifted uneasily, unnerved and nervous from the snippet of conversation she had had with HoroHoro before Yoh had come in.

_Yoh wouldn't hurt me…would he?_

Suddenly grateful for the Borzoi which had finally squeezed onto her lap, even if most of Mana didn't fit, Tamao busied herself running trembling fingers through the dog's silky three hued fur.

"Do you normally have her in your bath with you?" Yoh asked, seating himself on the large wicker washing hamper that was found at the side of the pool. "The dog I mean."

Predictably, the pink haired girl flushed, embarrassed by the question. Why had she not booted the large animal earlier? "No…she just jumped in…I mean she surprised me and she wasn't, isn't doing any harm…" She finally had to pause for breath in her ramblings, summing it up weakly. "I bathe alone…normally I mean, but this…um…isn't normal I guess…"

"Ah."

Was it her or did Yoh seem sad? Now he was looking at her oddly, eyes half closed and flickering with indecision. Indecision about what?

Tamao looked away, sinking lower down into the warm water until her chin rippled the water's surface, pink strands floating away in a bubblegum halo.

_Why is he here? What does he want?_

Tamao ceaselessly asked herself this, mind running around in an endless circle of confusion and nervousness and a sudden urge to just run away, hide, lose herself in sleep. Away from all her confusing and perplexing thoughts, away from responsibility. Away from him.

"The stars are certainly bright tonight," Yoh commented suddenly, looking out of the window which hovered over their heads, a skylight in the ceiling.

Her mind flitting back to a similar comment made by herself on that first day all those months ago, Tamao gave a wary nod. "They're pretty…"

"They're more than pretty, they're beautiful," the brown haired Shaman said quietly, head tilted at an angle, revealing the white skin of his throat. A moving flash of silver caught his eye and a small smile blossomed on his melancholy features. "Ever wished on a shooting star?"

The question seemed innocent enough and the younger girl relaxed slightly, running her hands around Mana's slick neck, combing out any tangles she found.

"Sometimes…do you?"

Yoh made a wry face, brown eyes tracking the path of the moving streak. "Always, on as many as I can see," he said simply. He paused, that soft gaze finding its way to the pink haired girl whose attention was torn, between him and the dog which begged for attention.

Not exactly the best situation for breaking her heart.

"Do you think it works?" she asked, batting the Borzoi gently on the nose when she tried to bathe her face in tongue swipes once more. "Wishing on a star, I mean."

The Shaman King rubbed his chin, absently noting that he did need a shave. "Sometimes…I think we have to work towards it ourselves, we have to put in the effort." A tiny smile burgeoned precariously on Tamao's timid features and in a way, his heart broke there and then, sickened by what he had to tell her. To stop loving him because he wasn't worthy or wanting. "But sometimes…sometimes there are wishes that never come true, wishes that even the stars can't grant."

A despondant silence lingered between the two, wishes and regrets foremost in both their minds.

"So what did you wish for?" Yoh's voice was quiet as he looked towards her, silently willing her to look up as well.

She did.

Their eyes met. They say eyes are the windows to a person's soul, the key screen to seeing deep to the heart of another person. It takes practice to hide true feelings from one's eyes, to erect a barrier to block people out.

All barriers aside, for someone who was unused to making eye contact, Tamao was frozen when the full force of Yoh's eyes met hers. The sadness that dwelled in the pools of soft brown was astounding, sorrow matching her own. His eyes and her own, they were more similar then she could ever have imagined. Misery tempered their souls, but hope, that last residual hope they both clung to was the cruellest thing of all. With that dreg of hope inside them, moving on became an impossibility, trapped in their own destructive spiral because of their last scrap of light.

Hope wasn't the savior, hope damned them to living for something they could never have.

Hope was the betrayer.

Yoh's eyes. Windows to his soul and there wasn't room for her in the most secret part. She knew, she saw and was breaking up from the realisation. What was worse was that he knew, she could see it. He knew what she wanted to see, wanted to say. He knew and it only added to the sadness she could see in his eyes.

"You," she whispered, vulnerable innocence bared to the harsh light of reality. "I wished for you."

Yoh smiled, gently, tenderly as he stood, walking over to crouch by the spring. Reaching out, he removed one of her hands from Mana, shooing the dog away with his free appendage. The tricoloured animal clambered out of the water, fur sending sheets of moisture everywhere as she shook, but the pair paid no heed. Turning her palm upwards, he traced one of the lines on her soft skin.

"You have a long love line," he said quietly, watching as she shivered at the feel of his hand on hers. "It means you have a great capacity to love…"

Tamao was spellbound, her eyes watching Yoh's finger run along the line in her palm, water falling off her skin. Licking her lips, she felt the need to say something, but for the life of her the words wouldn't come out.

She didn't need to speak however, for the brown haired teen was going on. "But you shouldn't waste it on someone who doesn't deserve it."

"It isn't wasted," Tamao finally said, eyes falling to the water which rippled around her ribcage as she struggled to find breath. The words were hard, but she needed to carry something across to him. "But I wasn't going to act on it…" Biting her lip, she carried on, closing her eyes as if to block out the reality before her. "Do you know how stupid I felt falling for an engaged man?"

"I wasn't engaged when you were five." The revelation that he knew just how long her heart had belonged to him made her wince. Smiling grimly, Yoh continued to hold her hand, making a mental note to listen more carefully to Ren in the future.

"It didn't matter…I don't deserve to feel…this way," Tamao bit her lip, refusing to look at Yoh, her hand limp in his as she battled with a pain in her chest. "I wasn't strong, like Anna-Sama, she's worthy, she…"

"Doesn't love me," Yoh said flatly, cutting in to her words. "And I don't love her." Fingers suddenly gripping her chin, he turned her unwilling gaze upwards to meet his. She shifted, trying to escape, but was inexoriably drawn to his caring brown eyes. It hurt how much understanding dwelled in their depths.

Windows to the soul.

"I love you Tamao, as much as I can love any woman." The tiny intake of breath he heard was enough to convince him she believed what he said and it pained him what words had to follow. "But that's it, I can't love any woman the way you love me, it's impossible."

A clouding of her eyes, confusion, but an inkling of understanding. The dawn of comprehension in a way and with it the leeching of her last scrap of hope.

"You mean..?"

"Yeah." Yoh gave a lopsided smile and bent to kiss her fingers gently, a bare touch of his lips. But the butterfly caress contained no lust, it was simply contact of skin on skin. No fireworks, no heated words, no electricity. Skin on skin. "So however much easier it would be if I wanted this," he gestured to the fingers his lips had previously touched. "It's impossible for me…"

Dumb silence, true speechlessness. Eyes falling again, Tamao stared mutely at the water once more, eyes lost in the sea of grey liquid, clear to the stones beneath it. Do you know what it feels like to realise that all you've done in your life, the utter drive of your soul was for something you could never manage to achieve, regardless of the bonestaking effort? To be driven by the tiny unrealistic part of you which still sees it as possible.

Then to have that shattered in your eyes and realise that there are some things even the stars cannot change…to lose your reason in life as dramatic as it sounds.

But to lose something you've believed in wholeheartedly since you were old enough to remember things, to lose something you've watched from afar in all your living memory. That is true loss and loss made all the harder because you can see the object of your desire before you, see them, yet know that because of a chromosome's difference it can never be yours.

Pain…different from the ache she had grown accustomed to living with, sharper, deeper, yet cleaner. It was more clear cut, more direct, deeper to the core. Realisation had started a fire inside her and while the cleansing of her old life hurt her, it purified the darkened soul which resided within.

Not that she knew this, nor would she have been comforted by it. Blank eyes, dead eyes turned towards him, miraculously dry.

"I love you…" It hurt to say, but what do they say, confession is good for the soul? And Tamao's soul needed healing.

"I know…and it hurts me." This was said so seriously, so differently from the normally placid Yoh, a joker, a clown, always ready to laugh. There was no amusement in his eyes, nor pity. If there had been pity, his words would have lost all meaning, they would have been empty, designed only to comfort her. "But sweetie…you're not alone." A gentle, sad smile – acceptance mingling with unshed tears. "If it helps…I made a wrong choice. Wrong person, wrong direction." A sigh. "Wrong everything."

Of course it didn't help, it didn't take the pain away, but it gave her something to focus on other than her aching chest. "Alone?" she said dazedly, blinking away tears she knew were threatening. "Wrong choice?"

"I envied you," Yoh murmured, gentle gaze clouding as he watched the young woman. "I envied you so badly because _you _had what I wanted, what I needed. I thought you were so lucky…"

"Wait…" Tamao said, looking bewildered, lost. "Me? You were envious of _me_?" At Yoh's affirming nod, she remained flustered, running her hand through her wet pink tresses. "What did I have that you needed so bad?"

One word. One simple word of confession and betrayal.

"Horo."

"Oh…" The word wasn't so much an expression in itself, it was a vessel for the surprise in her voice, the incredulity she had before one again, the truth snuck up on her from behind. An intake of breath, slow and shuddering as words and questions and perplexions stormed through her mind. "You loved Horo…"

"I don't throw the word love around easily," Yoh said gently, knowing the confusion he must be putting her through. "But I **do **love him, wrong as it is."

A shiver ran up Tamao's spine, followed by another. A wave of small contractions of the skin and, to the Prophetess at least, the air chilled. A thought was coming, a single thought clear in its clarity and the minute shudders paved its chilling way.

_Yoh loves HoroHoro._

A heart beat played a staccato rhythm on the inside of her ribs.

_Yoh…loves…HoroHoro._

The beat became distant, even to her own ears, the swish and flow of crimson blood within her dulled to a muted hum, so far was she from herself.

_Yoh loves my best friend._

She was vaguely aware of someone shaking her and a voice calling from across the large void which had opened up inside of her.

_It wasn't me…it wasn't me, but it had to be HoroHoro…_

"Tamao!" Hands on her shoulder, worried brown eyes.

_Not me…_

"Tamao!" A hand cupping her cheek, turning her face towards him, only to meet blank eyes.

_Couldn't be me…not ever…_

A hand waving in front of her eyes made her blink and the dilation of her pupils indicated that she was responding to the real world again.

"Why do you envy me?' she asked, her voice quiet, on the verge of breaking. "What do I have that you want so bad?"

"Can't you see?" was the bittersweet reply. "You have him."

"Him? Who?" Amazed by the sheer force of her cluelessness, Yoh finally removed his hands from her face, though he did note a look of loss when she couldn't feel the warmth of his skin on hers.

"He loves you Tamao, really, how can you miss it," he said quietly, even saying the words cutting him to the quick. As much as she was hurting now, he could match her at every shattered shard of her soul with one equally jagged piece of his own.

"Who?" This was all but cried out loud as a tide of emotion rose in her, her gaze pleading as she finally looked at him. Finally looked him in the eye. Finally faced her greatest fear and her greatest hope.

Yoh closed his eyes. _The moment of truth…_Could he prove his worth, his integrity? Betray himself to save a tortured soul who he owed so much to? Give up on hope for himself?

_Hope is the betrayer…_

"It's Horo," Yoh said, voice heavy with the emotion she could see in his eyes, the window to his soul. Pain of course, a lifetime's worth, resignation, confusion, even anger. Yet, buried beneath all the turmoil, there was the internal peace one can only obtain by doing the right thing. The right thing for everyone.

"HoroHoro?" He nodded and she faltered. "My HoroHoro?" Another gesture of affirmation. "The one who you…." A final nod.

_HoroHoro…why didn't he say? Why didn't he tell me?_

_If that's so, why didn't you tell Yoh?_

_I didn't because…because…_

_You were scared, scared of Anna._

…_I was scared of **him.**_

_You were afraid of being rejected – it was the same for HoroHoro._

_But why would he-?_

_Because he knew you would reject him._

_But…_

_Because he knew about Yoh._

_Oh._

"But why? How do you know?" Tamao asked, out loud, normally quiet voice even softer. More vulnerable. "Why would he…and me…?"

"Because you're you," was the perplexing answer. "You provide balance for him – the quiet for the deafening, the softness for the hard rock," A wry smile, "The humility for his arrogance."

A predictable flush staining her pale cheeks, Tamao looked away. "But how do you.."

"How do I know?" Yoh asked, taking a leaf out of a certain Chinese youth's book by finishing your sentence before you could. "How do I know? Because I see the way he looks at you. He can't hide it, he never was a good liar." A distancing in his eye, mind skipping back through time. "How do I know Tamao? Because I could see it when he told me no…"

Silence. Tamao's back was stiff, poker straight as she looked incredulously at the brown haired Shaman. Disbelief, that was clear enough in her posture, her stance. Her eyes.

"He knew? He knew how you felt about him?" she asked, voice surprisingly level even if her eyes were anything, but calm. "You told him."

Taken aback by her sudden change in demeanour, Yoh hesitated before answering. "Yes, but…"

A hushing gesture was made towards him and he quietened, watching her place a finger on her lips. Some inner sense whispered to her and, as if in slow motion, she turned towards the door.

A flash of blue, a brief glimpse of azure through the steamy glass panes betrayed their friend's presence.

Then again, HoroHoro had hardly ever been the most subtle being in the world, ne? Especially when it came to women.

Standing, ignoring the rivulets of water which still persisted in clinging to her slick form, Tamao grabbed one of the hanging gowns. Wrapping the soft white garment around her. Bare feet carried her towards the door, a damp hand yanking the door open to reveal a sheepish looking Ainu warrior.

"You."

HoroHoro winced, amazed at how his sweet, timid Tamao could suddenly sound so much like an icy Anna.

"You…how dare you?"

Sensing an oncoming 'nasty' moment, the azure haired teen took the opportunity to slide the door discreetly closed, hiding them from the wide eyes of Yoh. Turning back to his delicate friend, he steeled himself, expecting a reproof about his eavesdropping. Instead…

"How could you know that Yoh…" Her voice cracked and she looked abruptly away, biting her lip savagely. "How could you let me go on like that? Why didn't you tell me!"

"Tam, please…" His plea went unspoken for she had fixed him with a burning gaze, so much like Ren's earlier that day though neither had ay idea. A wounded lion, yet angry to the last.

"How could you know that he…loved you….loved **you **and let me stay the way I was?"

What made it all the worse was how beautiful she looked. Skin wet, a damp robe pulled loosely around her, yet sliding down to reveal a slim shoulder. Her eyes, rosy at any time, but deepened to crimson with the anger she showed, a feeling so rarely shown in her that it was a moment to be treasured, cherished, even if it was directed at him. It made all those fluttery feelings come back with a vengeance, accompanied by a burning sensation in his throat.

And an urge to silence those lips by placing his own over them.

"I didn't want to hurt you…I thought you'd be better off not knowing." He looked at her pleadingly, hating the fact that he was hurting her. Seeing her like this was awe inspiring yet terrifying in all.

_All shall love her and despair…_

"You didn't want to hurt me?" she asked, tone mocking and desperate at the same time. "You don't think I'm hurting now." A sudden lull in anger, sad rose coloured eyes turned towards him. "You lied to me Horo…you kept me in the dark when I could have been returning to the light." One single tear, a crack in her anger widening to allow the briny drop out. "You betrayed me Horo and that hurts me more than knowing Yoh loves you. He told me, you didn't."

Lost for words, he reached out to her, needing to feel her close to him, to tell her that everything would be alright and he'd be her confidant again. Her friend.

But she pulled away, eyes lost. A little girl's eyes again.

"I'm going home Horo, I'm going back to Funbari."

"Tamao…"

"I'm going back. I don't care if I'm with Anna, or Yoh, I just want to get away from you." More tears following the first, making their meandering way down an impassive face as she looked at him with those rose coloured eyes.

He couldn't let her go, he couldn't let her go without making one last effort, one last try. One last valiant effort to save the one he…liked?

_No…loved….it's time to stop lying as she said. I love her and I won't let her go._

"Tam…" He stretched out an arm towards her, grabbing her hand as she turned to leave, bringing her back around to face him. Their eyes meeting, he willed sincerity to his face, he willed her to believe him, to trust him.

To love him back.

"I love you Tam…" he said simply, bluntly. It was a fact now, what else could he say? He wasn't good with flowery language like Ren was, he didn't have the natural good charm that Yoh had. He was just HoroHoro, the man who loved her. "I love you."

For a moment he saw a softness in her eyes, a chance for him. Hovering on the brink of forgiveness, those floral irises, they contained so much hope, indecision, all mixed in the windows to her soul.

Then they hardened and she twitched her hand firmly away from his, confusion seared away by the purifying fire within. Hope had betrayed her and he had as well. To have lost him and Yoh in one day, to learn those you loved most weren't who you thought they were…

It was too hard, she was giving up, running away. Running back home to wherever home was…

"I'll be leaving when Yoh and Ren-San do," she said, tone flat and unforgiving. "I'd better go pack."

HoroHoro watched her with haunted eyes. It wasn't supposed to be like this…when a guy confessed love, the girl was supposed to return it with fervent eyes and heaving heart. The love was supposed to be mutual…it wasn't supposed to be this way, not like this.

But she had rejected him…as he had rejected Yoh.

_Apparently turnabout is fair play…_

This was the last possible time, the last moment to say something romantic, something to convince her to stay. Some wonderful string of words to make all well again. Something to make her forgive him.

_Forgiveness is as vital as air…_

He said nothing. The indomitable HoroHoro stayed silent, watching the girl walk away, walk out of his life. He gave up on love and he gave up on her. He had dared to hope. He had been foolish enough to let his guard down.

Hope had betrayed them all.

Believe me,

I don't want to go

And it'll grieve me

Cause I love you so

We both know

Wish I could

Say the right words

Wish I could trust

To lead you

That it was just this once

Through this land

But I must do what I must...

Wish I could play the father

I can't adjust to this disgust.

And take you by the hand

We're done and I just wish I could stay

Wish I could stay

Wish I could stay here

Wish I could stay here

Wish I could stay.

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Well…that was certainly the hardest chapter to write and I'm a wee bit dubious about it, but once again, it's midnight and I've been at the sweetcorn.

Incidentally, again, I haven't been doing the disclaimers. So, I don't own Shaman King, I don't own Lord of the Rings ((Find the line and you get a prize XD)) and I don't own the song at the end. Don't own it, so don't sue. Really, I don't like lawyers…they scare me.

**Reviews: **

Kaeru Soyokaze: Yep, Tamao's a sweetie – my beta insists on calling me a Tamao clone, charming person that she is…Ah, I'm glad someone likes Mana – my aim in life is to breed Borzoi. They have to be some of the noblest creatures I've ever met. **–Sighs dreamily- **I was a bit dubious about Ren in the last chapter, but I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I am warming to Anna, mainly because I'm reading some amazing fanfiction which center around her. Which leads me to my next reviewer…

**Shadowed Mediocrity:** I know the feeling of being faaar to busy. Exams, martial arts, job, writing, sketching…I'm just glad and honored that you took the time to review this fiction. Your reviews are among my favorite and it's nice to know someone is at least trying to help me to write better XD I've never heard the song, but it sounds interesting – I'll try and dig that out of i-tunes. I think you're right about my OOC'ness – guilty as charged. **–Sweat drops and grins sheepishly- **As for the tension, yep, have to second that as well. **–Holds out wrists in anguish- **Clap me in irons, take me to face my judgement!....man, I really need some psychological help.

**Caro N: **Hmmmm…I suppose people only review if they like and perhaps they don't like so they don't review? Apart from that, I have no idea. This is your first Shaman King review? **-Squeals- **I'm so touched! **-Glomps-** Well, I adore Tamao, but I understand there's a rather large hatred of her out in the world and I can understand how people can view her like that. Oh well, each to their own, ne? Yoh/Ren-ness ish good…**-Drools insensibly-**

**Wish he was Mine: **Well, that was your fault, eh? No review, no mention. Anna and Yoh, not in this fic maybe, but in another one. As for Ren/Yoh…**-Snickers- **You'll have to see…

**Animegirl114: **HoroHoro/Tamao is definitely my favourite het pairing – as for Yaoi….well, there are far too many for me to choose from!

**Author-Sama: **Well, there should be some Yoh/Ren in the next chapter, but don't tell anyone I said so. **–Wink wink-**

**Hidden Light: **I think Anna can have her gentle moments…um...such as when Yoh is about to leave for the Second Round. I thought that was a more vulnerable side of Anna…but I'm glad you like my work XD

**Jen-Tao07: **Heehee, I'm so happy!


	9. Of Dragons and Knights

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

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_Dear HoroHoro,_

_First of all, Anna wanted me to apologise for leaving so soon after we arrived…trust me, if she told you to do something, you'd do it, heh…_

_About us leaving, I really am sorry, but it was probably for the best. I talked to Ren, funny as it sounds and well, I worked some things out. I miss you though._

_Someone else misses you, even if she doesn't admit it. You can't just let her get away like this…_

_Dear HoroHoro,_

_Things aren't the same without you, everyone think so and so does Tamao, she does, I can tell. Sure, maybe she's angry now, but she can't stay mad forever. You two had something special and surely that will come through truly…_

_Dear HoroHoro,_

_Horo…we all miss you, please come back!_

Yoh cast his pen aside with a frustrated sigh, the slim shaft clattering across the polished desktop. How hard could it be to write one letter? Brown eyes looked morosely at that virginal sheet of white paper in front of him, surrounded by the crumpled remains of its brethren. How was it that every time he looked at it, his mind went as blank as the paper itself.

How hard can it be to tell someone…someone who your love for was so overpowering…that the person who was truly deserving of their love seemed to be fading away.

Very hard actually.

Tamao. The candy haired girl seemed to be more reclusive than ever. What made it worse was that she was no longer shy, she was no longer painfully aware of what she said, what she did. Instead she seemed to be a wraith, a shadow of her former self in a way. She did what she was told, simple as that. Orders would be received with a blank look and a silent nod. Nothing more.

The sweet natured Prophetess had retreated within her own shell, hiding from the world. Hiding from the memory of him. However much it pained him to admit it, Yoh could not understand how she could be so blind. If being without Horo did this to her…

His fingers clutched reflexively, nails scraping a trail along his palm as he looked balefully towards the sheet of paper. It was mocking him, that she was sure of, daring him to continue. _Daring me to put to pen what will cause me to lose **him **for good._

He couldn't bear it any longer – to see her so lost and to, well, not hear from him at all. The good in him, if such a thing existed, felt the need to set wrongs right even if doing so would cause him pain.

Pain…there was so much of it. Would the cycle never end?

"Not if I don't break it," he muttered to himself, grabbing the pen determinedly once more and returning to his scribbles with zeal. A new tenacity coursing through him, he spilled his worries, his fears, his confession, his heart onto that mocking sheet of white…

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_Dear HoroHoro,_

_I must have tried to write this letter so many times, it's hard to write what I have to. Right now, I'd just like to say…things haven't changed. Not for how I feel about you, that you can be sure on, but **that**, that won't influence the true point I need to get across to you._

_It's Tamao. Horo, she's fading, we're losing her. Every day she's a little sadder, a little more lost. She just looks so pale, it's like…well, it's like she's preparing to leave this world, separating her mind from her body. She's hurting Horo, I can see that and as much as I wish things could have been different, as much as I wish that you and me…but there are some things the stars cannot change._

_You see, I know what she feels. I didn't know that before, I didn't think anyone could love me as much as I did you, but Tamao…to reject her, reject her on the grounds of something as simple as her gender. That broke me Horo, but it made me see the light. The way I can't be with her, you can't be with me, there are so many parallels. But that doesn't mean I can't be there for her and I hope, no, wish that you'll always be there for me._

_I know I'll be there for her._

_I may not be able to have my dream and neither can she, but she has something more precious than a confused fool like me. She has you Horo and that's more precious than anything._

_I don't want to lose her Horo, I care for her more than you could imagine, but on a different level. You cannot compare love with love, we each have a soul and each soul has a fingerprint, always unique. What I feel for her and what you feel for her, they're two separate sensations, worlds apart. But still love and love is never wrong._

_Don't be sorry for loving the wrong person, a very wise man told me that once and I want that wise man to be happy._

_Come for her Horo, we're losing her, I can see it. I can see it in her eyes, she's hurting so bad Horo. You made a mistake, one mistake and she's hurting. And I know you Horo, I know that you're hurting as well. Don't give up on her, that's the real betrayal. You need to open her eyes. You need to save her._

_I realise my own mistake, I never should have wanted you to change, for me. Why would I want you to change when I love you as you are? But you won't be changing Tamao, not at all. Just bring her out of the darkness before the flower dies from lack of light._

_She does need you. If taking you away from her made this then I think that's proof enough. Come home Horo, for all of us, but come home for her. There's too much pain in this world for both of you to suffer unnecessarily. Make it right for both of you._

_Love is too precious to waste – I'm not sure whether you said this or Ren or whether I'm just making it up, but still, I think it sounds right._

_I miss you._

_Yoh._

HoroHoro's oceanic eyes lifted from the page, indecision swirling in their depths.

"What does it say Onii-San?" Pirika asked, having watched her older brother pace the room restlessly from her seat on the home worn couch. He looked at her vaguely – in all honesty, his mind had been so entrapped by the contents of the letter he had forgotten she was even there.

"It's Yoh…he wants me to go back to Funbari," he said evasively, letting the letter hang loosely by his side. Still walking around the room, the rolled up paper soon found itself being tapped against his thigh in the rhythm of his steps, a thinking aid almost.

The azure haired girl watched her equally blue topped sibling wit curious eyes, head tilted slightly to one side so that the long cornflower blue of her hair fell neatly over her shoulder. Slim fingers played ceaselessly with the ends reaching her lap as she looked pointedly at HoroHoro.

"So it's just from Yoh?"

When the Ainu man made an incoherent noise of assent, one fine brow rose further up Pirika's forehead. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes Pirika, if I wasn't sure, I wouldn't say it," HoroHoro snapped acidly, halting in his restless circuit for a few seconds to glare at her. His deep eyes were suspiciously fixed on her now. "Why do you ask though?"

"Oh no reason," she said innocently, reclining back on her chair and buffing her fingernails on one of the cushions her hands rested on. "Just that you're as prickly as a porcupine who sat on a pin cushion, well, at least you have been since Tamao left."

Her delvings were rewarded with a stiffening of her brother's shoulders and a predatory gleam entered her eyes as she watched him take his pacings back up. "I am not."

With a typical sibling perversity, Pirika simply smiled, grimly. Scarily. "You are too," she replied stubbornly, suddenly shifting forwards. Resting her chin in her spread palms, the younger girl fixed her brother with a piercing blue stare. "You aren't who I thought you were Onii-San."

"And what do you know about who I am, huh?"

A pause, heavily laden with suspense before Pirika took a steady breath. "I'm your sister Horo, I'm your blood, no, don't look away!" When he had indeed turned away in disgust, she had unfolded from her seat, a grip of steel on his wrist, pinioning him. "Look at me." HoroHoro resisted, gaze locked firmly on a blue wall hanging, thread fading to a blur of navy as he struggled.

Strength he could have escaped, pure, brute force. But when she held him with love, with blood. When she held him trapped with the weight of her spirit, of her compassion, he could not have escaped.

"Look at **_me!_**"

What could he do, but obey? Deep blue met an ocean shade a few hues lighter than his and in them he saw a stubbornness that rivalled his own.

_It doesn't rival mine, _he thought with a sudden insight into what siblings truly were. _It surpasses it…she's in a league of her own is this sister of mine._

His hand lifted, but not of his own accord and he watched it being lifted towards her cheek. Slim hands holding his own larger one, Pirika pressed the callused palm against the smooth skin on her face.

"Feel that?" A nod on his part. "That's the same as you. We are the same. Flesh and blood." Comprehension in a darker ocean and another, slower nod. "So I know you, I know when you're hurting, no, look at me." Even mentioning the pain caused him to recoil, but a tether of blood held him to her.

_One and the same…_

"You're not a coward Onii-Chan," she said clearly and slowly, enunciating each meaningful syllable carefully. "You and I, we do not run from things. You and I, the same flesh and blood, we face our fears."

_But my fear won't face me…_

"We are Northerners, we have the warrior spirit." Pirika carried on, regardless of his reticence. Indeed, the Ainu tribesman could see the evidence of this statement in his sister's eyes, the ones that held his own so avidly. "We don't give up." Nodding with her delicately pointed chin towards the letter he still held, she raised a questioning eyebrow. "So what did Yoh say?"

Beaten by that indomitable spirit, HoroHoro deflated. It was odd that this strong figure of a man, a powerful Shaman with a loud and confident nature could be so easily beaten by a slip of a girl. But then again, that 'slip of a girl' was his sister…but still, being browbeaten by a girl, it was a trifle embarrassing.

Glancing down at the rolled up letter, as if for reassurance, the azure tressed man licked his suddenly dry lips.

"He says a lot of stuff…" There was no need to repeat private words meant for him only. Besides, it was his little sister for crying out loud.

Speaking to her about their male friend who was madly in love with him was not a topic of discussion that HoroHoro was particularly interested in bringing up.

"But I take it he mentions Tamao then?" Once again Pirika had cut the heart of the matter in a surprisingly short amount of time. Call it intuition or merely that the blue haired young woman had been spending far too much time with a certain Itako. Anna certainly had had a bad example on his sister, he better be wary of new torture methods.

Looking reluctant, HoroHoro nodded slowly, one thumb swiping along the hard angle of his jaw, feeling the stubble that accumulated later in a day. "Yeah…it's mostly about her actually…" he said grudgingly, looking blankly at the letter in question.

"So?" Pirika had grown tired of the pause after her brother's final words while he seemed to lose his power of speech. "_What _did he say about her?"

Another agonising pause, deafening in its own silence before, "He thinks I should go back and…try again with Tamao."

"Did you try a first time?" she asked dryly and he spared her an aloof glance, not dignifying that with a response. Besides…he didn't like the fact that she was right.

"He wants me to…save her." The odd look he had on his face was testimony enough to his indecision. "Listen." Flipping through the letter, he found the passage he had in mind. "Just bring her out of the darkness before the flower dies from lack of light."

He looked up, desperate for some help, but was recoiled in surprise. Actual tears were brimming in the cerulean depths of Pirika's eyes, her face misty and wistful as her full bottom lip quivered with suppressed emotion.

"Oh," she sighed, clasping her hands in a rather hammy gesture. "That's so poignant – I never knew Yoh could be so romantic."

HoroHoro looked incredulously at the girl who had been lecturing him on strength of spirit, but appeared to have degenerated into a pile of quivering emotional mush. "Um…"

"It's just the idea, of you being her knight and riding across the country to save her from the pit of her depression," Pirika carried on, despite his funny look. "It's just so _beautiful_ and _magical _and _wonderful_ and…"

"Not going to happen," HoroHoro supplied, cutting into her dreamy ramblings. This might not have been the best idea for she fixed him with that intense stare again and he struggled to meet it.

"Excuse me?" Pirika asked slowly, somewhat concerned for the mentality of her beloved brother.

"Weren't you listening?" he asked with uncharacteristic irritability, judging by whom he was talking to. "I said I won't be going."

The dreamy look faded from her face completely and her gaze hardened. "And why exactly not?"

"Because," HoroHoro said, as if that one word explained it all. "Because."

"Because? _Because?_" Pirika sent him a disgusted glare. "You're giving up on Tamao, because?" Receiving no response she shook her head impatiently, backing away from him. With her hands planted firmly on her hips, the azure haired young woman was thoroughly pissed off.

A dangerous person to be in a room with.

"This proves it," Pirika said irritably, waving a slim hand about for emphasis. "I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to think I'd ever lose faith in my big brother."

"Now hold on." HoroHoro was more appalled than he wanted to believe at the thought of losing the respect of his little sister. "All because I won't go back, you condemn me because of that?" His indignation rivalled her own and the two siblings were squared off against each other, expressions equally determined to prove the other wrong.

"But you're giving up on her. You're a Northerner and…"

"Northerner's never give up," he said tiredly, resisting the urge to sigh heavily and turn away. "But it's not giving up if I never hoped in the first place."

_Liar…_

A thoughtful gaze and then…

"You're lying." A simple statement, but one which made his hackles raise. No-one likes to be called a liar, no-one likes to be accused, even if they are guilty of the crime.

"And what makes you think that?" HoroHoro asked with forced calm, struggling to stay calm. Once again, blue irises met equally azure eyes and it was only a matter of time before one pair broke the electricity flowing between them. One lost a battle of wills and it wasn't Pirika.

"That makes me think so, that tells me you're lying brother of mine," the young woman said dryly. "But, prove me wrong." A challenging tilt of her pointed chin. "Say it."

Bemusement spread across HoroHoro's simple features as he looked sceptically at Pirika. "Say what?"

"That you don't love her," was the smug, self satisfied answer. The cocky set of her head, the relaxed pose of her arms, it was all too cheerful, too confident.

He was probably right to be suspicious. Another bemused look, but one mingled with evasiveness. "Who?"

A fond, if exasperated look from Pirika, mixed with an edge of amusement. "Tamao of course."

"Tamao…" For a brief moment memory flickered in his forget me not eyes, but it was quickly replaced with a casual expression. Not that it was convincing, since when had our HoroHoro suddenly become a good liar? "Oh Pirika, how confused you are."

"Enlighten me then," she said brightly, a hint of a mocking smile on her face. Just a hint of course, a teaser. "Just say it Onii-San."

"Fine." The Ainu youth shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't love her."

An arched brow indicated slight displeasure with his answer, as did the small pout forming on Pirika's lips. "Ah, but you didn't specify **_who _**that her was. Let's make sure there's no confusion."

The faint, almost undetectable furrowing of his brow and a tightening of his jaw were all Pirika needed to know she had hit the proverbial nail right on its proverbial head. This bringing her back up to her cocky mood, she smiled radiantly at him. "Don't worry Horo, just repeat after me.

Exasperated to no end by his little sister, well, more than usual, HoroHoro threw his hands up in grudging defeat. "Fine…"

"Right then." Perching on the arm of their sofa, Pirika crossed her legs, smoothing her skirt down innocently. "I"

"I" His embarrassment was palpable, but at present he would do anything to get Pirika off of his back.

"Do."

"Do."

"Not."

"Not."

"Love."

"….Love."

"Tamao."

"…"

That moment, that indrawn breath which he refused to let go, refused to let betray himself and her again, that was proof enough. Yet now was not the moment for gloating, crowing over her triumph. Usui Pirika, sister of Usui HoroHoro, crossed over to her brother and nudged under his arms, worming into an embrace they had practiced since they had been old enough to toddle over to each other. Stiff at first, HoroHoro finally relaxed, resting his chin on top of her very blue head.

"That didn't prove anything," he said huskily, looking uncomfortable. "Breath caught in my throat, that's all."

"I know," she replied soothing, voice a bit muffled from where it was nestled in the hollow of his throat. "But you should still go back."

"Pirika, I said no. Besides, I can't go now, we need to winnow out the seedlings, then there's the irrigation channels I need to dig…"

Pirika pulled away, holding her brother at arm's length so she could peer up into his face. "Onii-San, I may be barely seventeen, but I'm not an idiot." Ignoring his noises of protest, she carried on. "You know perfectly well we can cope without you – you're only one pair of arms, we can cover it."

Annoyed at being considered so useless, HoroHoro lapsed into a rather sulky silence. Rolling her sea coloured eyes, the Ainu girl looked heatedly at the older youth.

"This is what I meant about you being a coward – you can't use the fields as an excuse to hide from her."

Taking her hands, HoroHoro gently, but firmly removed them from him as he took a step backwards. "I'm not hiding Pirika…I'm just…."

"Go on." Pirika looked steadily at her brother, keeping her face blank for now. Nothing to detract from what he was trying to say. A blank canvas for him to spill to. The dark screen in a priest's confession booth.

"You know how Yoh wants me to save her, how you want me to be her knight in shining armour?" A nod, an affirmation. "Well…" HoroHoro shook his head, sadly amused at his own folly. "By staying here, I'm doing both. Saving her and being her knight I mean."

Now it was Pirika's turn to look bemused. "Eh?"

"The knight saves the Princess from the dragon, ne?" Another nod from his sister, slow and thoughtful. Swiping an awkward hand across the back of his neck, HoroHoro ducked his head, an embarrassed smile on his face. "Well…the dragon and the knight are one and the same, the fairytale isn't black or white…so…" He gave a sigh, a mighty heavy one if you do say so. "So, if I stay away, the knight is saving her from the dragon. It's just another shade of grey."

Silenced, for now, by his analogy, Pirika watched her brother carefully, taking in his awkwardness and his embarrassment, but also his sincerity.

_He really believes this…_

"Why does no-one end these grey fairytales?" she asked finally, one hand gently stroking his flushed face, smiling as she pressed her brow against his. Another gesture of affection long used from previous years. "But in heart of hearts the Princess pines for her dragon for, though he may have wronged her in the past, his absence hurts her more than the fire he breathes." A small, reassuring smile. "Knights are a penny a dozen, but dragon's are immortal – it's what she really wants. Every girl wants their dragon, the one who considers them so precious and rare, that they want to hide them away from the world. To be loved so solely, that is what we all want and that is why we all look for our dragons in scales rather than a knight in armour."

HoroHoro looked at her intently for a few moments before smiling suddenly, brightly. "You're insane, you know that?"

An equally cheerful smile on her similar features. "I would be offended by that, but we share blood. We're the same you dingus."

HoroHoro's eyebrows rose as he surveyed the smirking girl who was his sister, embarrassing as that was. "Dingus? You haven't called me that since the fourth grade…"

"But you are a dingus," she insisted, pulling away from their affectionate position. "You're in luurve, Onii-San's in luuurve!"

Now here was the brother sister relationship we all love and cherish.

"Right, that's it…" One of the useful pieces of information you gain from a childhood of sibling fights is in what area one's sister is painfully ticklish. As HoroHoro made to go towards her, Pirika giggled and swiftly put the sofa between them.

"Hey, don't take it out on me, I'm not the one in lurve!" Pirika's eyes gleamed wickedly as she moved quickly around the sofa, always keeping it between her and the playfully advancing HoroHoro. Still playing the part of the stereotypical bratty younger system, as you do, she suddenly broke into raucous, but strongly given singing. "I'm hopelessly devoted to you…"

"Pirika, I'm warning you…" Solving the problem of the couch by vaulting over it, HoroHoro grabbed his giggling sister firmly around her waist, not that it halted her singing.

"But now, there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside," Pirika carried on warbling, though giggles interspersed the lyrics from a certain famous musical as HoroHoro's fingers found her ribs. "I'm out of my head…hopelessly devoted to you-oh-oh-ooh! I'm hopelessly devoted to you…" When she finally broke down into helpless peals of laughter thanks to her brother's skilful fingers, the Ainu man relented, loosening his grip on her.

"I stand by what I said, you're insane," he said, breathless from his own laughter. Love them or hate them, sisters, they always managed to distract you from the bad mood you were in, just by being thoroughly annoying.

"Same blood, same mental defects," she retorted, wiping away the tears from her face as she attempted a mocking glare at her brother.

"What about Otto-San and Okaa-San, they're hardly insane?" HoroHoro retorted, flopping back on the sofa, trying to get his breath back, not helped when she too collapsed down on his outstretched arm.

"Didn't you see the pictures of them in the sixties?"

"Um…do I want to see them?"

"Probably not, it's the sort of thing that makes you realise they're actual people and not just your parents."

"Ew…"

"My point exactly."

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**-Winces and hides behind couch- **Sorry, I know I promised some Ren/Yoh bits, but….I think this had to be said first and my muse ran away with me on this one. But lookie! Look how fast I updated! **-Preens- **Most of my updates will be at weekends now, the only chance I have to write will be then since I'm out training every night – it's tough, but I'm really enjoying it. Soon as I've finished this, I'm off for my Chief Instructor course which means I get a cool black uniform. XD I'm so shallow…

**Reviews: **

**Caro N: **Well…that chapter had to be one of the hardest to write (For proof, see how long it took me to update) but I'm so happy that I got the mood across ) That bit was a wee smidgeon scary, eh? Hmm…Anna and Tamao **–Muses-**

**Kaeru Soyokaze: -Looks shifty- **Happy ending? **-Whines- **But it's fun to torture my characters….fine, I'll see what I can do. Yay, another Borzoi fan! I hope to breed Borzoi and Salukis…maybe some greyhounds…and red setters….can you tell I'm obsessed with hounds?

**Author-sama: -Ish slapped-** Eeep, did I leave you hanging? Well, look how quickly I updated, considering how busy I am XD Meep, **-Hides- **There'll be Yoh/Ren in the next chapter, I swear!

**Shadowed Mediocrity: -Meebles- **Now…am I being thick in assuming that some of your review got cut off? **-Giggles- **That's pretty much how I am anyway **–Huggles i-book- **Except I don't think I could survive without my Internet, but again, lookie! I updated fast just because I was so scared you might poke me with Ren's tongari!

Anyway – you seem to be finding me songs I need to download XD I just added 'Trust You' to that list. I'm so ecstatically bouncily happy that you liked the star scene, one of my less mediocre pieces of writing I think. **–Pokles- **But I missed your points on how I could make this chapter, I'm nervous now that I'm failing in some way and missing it. XD I crave your advice oh mighty one!

**Wish he was Mine: -Blinks- **Well…there was no Ren in this chapter either ;; Hmm, yes, you were going to review Limelight, I can see your review there now…

Well…since reviews are meant to be about the story so I can get **your **feedback, it would be nice if you actually mentioned it once in a while. Which is better than Rene who chats to me in her reviews and organises when we're going to meet up through them. XD Yepyep doggy in the bath, all good – you try getting a cat in the bath, my two don't like it, I wonder why. So now you're bragging about your talent in your review as well? Oh dear…

Kiran? Now who the hell is that? And that's all I'll say on the matter Tracee. Besides **–grins- **My underwear barely has any waistband and I don't think you could write on it….

**Betty: -Bounces happily- **I couldn't live without yaoi, but I'm a het fan as well, so yeah.


	10. Believing your own Lies

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

Eeep – I have an excuse guys! My sister managed to break my laptop so it had to be sent off to the shop to be fixed. This chapter was written like two weeks ago, but I couldn't upload it until I got my computer back. Damn sister, eh? Well, people have been complaining about the lack of Ren and Yoh…all I can say is enjoy.

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_Another day, another invaded room…_

It was almost routine now, every single day. Every evening, after their meal, Ren would retreat to his room for the purpose of meditation. And every evening, after Ren had left the table, Yoh would follow and soon be found lounging idly at the door to the Chinese youth's room.

Regular as clockwork.

Of course, there had been awkwardness at first as they carefully tested the boundaries to which they could push themselves and each other. There had been times when Kwan Daos had been produced or objects had been tossed towards the hapless brown haired Shaman, but these grew fewer and fewer as the same thing happened every night.

Yoh would come, Ren would bluster and then they would talk.

A routine, a pattern emerging and, however much the indigo haired teen hated to admit it, it fitted well into his own daily routine. And for all his insults and protestations, never once did Ren get around to throwing his brunette rival out of his room. He could of easily – a few blistering retorts would have done the trick. Or even the simple action of closing his door – Yoh would never venture down the corridor when a hard barrier met his view.

But it never did and Yoh always came. Regular as clockwork. Call it some sort of therapy for the taller youth, odd as that may sound. Ren didn't soften his words, he didn't fix Yoh with a sympathetic gaze. And since when had everyone seemed to know what was going on in his life? Were they mind readers?

Speaking of whom…

Anna. Anna was as much of a conundrum as ever. The blonde had been somewhat satisfied of late. She'd even been acting nicer towards Tamao.

If by nicer you meant merely less vindictive and instead of treating the younger girl like a verbal punching bag, she saw her as a blank wall, something you ignored. Totally and completely. Anna had won, the Itako had eliminated the threat to what she considered hers.

Perhaps only Anna had the whole overview of what the bigger picture was. Perhaps only she could see what was raging around the people in her life, only she could see the fine lines of force, emotion and pure will which were connecting everyone together. A veritable play of Shakespearean proportions was playing out before her eyes, intricate in its emotion.

Yet she wasn't included in the cast list. Another of those watchees where the art was in the observation and the safeguard was in keeping yourself from getting involved. If you didn't get close, you couldn't get hurt.

Whoever said that, the heartless person who could watch from afar – they were wrong. Dead wrong.

When you act a certain way for nineteen years, you begin to believe your own lies. Those little things you told yourself, tiny things to convince you that, indeed, you were cold, you were invulnerable. Repetition makes habit, habit becomes routine.

So, while regular as clockwork, Yoh would leave after dinner to go talk to Ren, Anna would head outside. Obscuring darkness hid her from prying eyes, velvet black deflecting even the weak house lights.

Not that the act was removed out here, even in her solitude. That face, the impassive one she presented to the world, was so ingrained in her, time had made the ending line blurry.

But of course, everyone knew that Anna was sharp. Anna was all flat planes and clear cut angles. Smooth indifference countered by brief sharps of anger, also known as random acts of violence. Anna was a level above everyone else, am immortal in a houseful of fearful worshippers. Unobtainable and untouchable.

Why does no-one understand that Goddesses are unhappy?

That's the point, immortals are perfect and peerless. They can have no equal and they can have no lover. No-one can love anyone beneath their station, like are attracted to like. To be held on a pedestal over her companions, loneliness wore its toll down on the still young woman. Isolation is a torture technique after all, solitary confinement is a punishment. It's just as bed when the act is self inflicted.

Yet that was where Yoh came in. If Anna was a Goddess, Yoh was a God. Or one in control of a God. The God in fact. Even if the baka didn't act with an attitude befitting his station, he was her equal. She **_could _**have loved him, she really could have found it in her heart to force out some affection for him and there had been times when loneliness had caused her to look at him in a different way.

But some gut instinct had already given up; some inkling of foreboding told her that she would never own Yoh. Perversity took over at that point – what she couldn't have, she strove towards. It was a challenge, something that contested her almighty power.

Almighty power? No, Anna wasn't all powerful, far from it. Inside the steely will and icy nature, there was still that little girl who had never had a chance to see the light of day. A childhood can never be lost – it can be repressed, wasted, even hidden from view, but there is always the inner child lurking within.

There were people such as Yoh who might have never left their childhood – even at the tender age of nineteen, he still acted like the big Kid he was. Then there were people like Anna…hoo boy, this could take a while.

The simple fact is that ignoring something doesn't make it go away. In fact, it comes back stronger than ever. There was only so long that little girl inside of our resident Ice Queen would stay silent, content to remain locked inside the barriers Anna had erected. She didn't want to stay here, alone and afraid.

The people around her, the people she watched in their little games, they all seemed to be working towards some unobtainable dream. It was amusing really, the idiocy some folks would attempt, all in vain.

Well, it would be if she didn't suffer from the same ailment.

All her life, there had been one force which had driven her – she **_was _**going to be the First Lady of Shaman. She **_was _**going to marry Yoh and achieve that…but she hadn't.

Yoh was Shaman King, that fact was incontestable even if he didn't act like it. So why was she still Kyoyama Anna instead of Asakura Anna? Why was she still his unofficial fiancée when they should have been married years ago?

What with the havoc at the end of the Shaman Tournament, the fact that everyone was so lost and shocked, no mention of marriage had been made…it hadn't been a victorious party returning home, it had been a group saddened and dulled by what they had witnessed. Even Yoh had felt the wrench, loosing his cheery exterior. It was always going to be a hard thing, obliterating his other half, even it was an evil, twisted other half. Hao had been his twin, his flesh and blood born of the same woman. Keiko – even she had been distraught to hear that the tiny infant she had given birth to had been lost to the dark of eternity.

But that hadn't stopped Yoh's mirror image before, had it? Perhaps Hao was still out there, somewhere. Some consciousness hanging motionless in space, watching, waiting.

It was odd – at this moment in time, Anna felt an affinity with that disembodied black soul she could imagine out there. Watching, waiting, but not participating. Not yet anyway.

The cracks were appearing; the strain was beginning to show. So Anna retreated to the darkness, seeking solitude. The unconquerable blonde was slipping away, a seed deep in her knowing that this battle was lost. She had fought too long and hard for it – losing to the one person she had not anticipated would be competition. It made her bitter, jaded. Well, more obviously so anyway. She was tired of watching and waiting – the truth was, she and Yoh were not married.

Probability was that they never would be.

She had gained the prize in a way – Yoh was obedient, she was the driving force behind him. But she didn't own him completely. She could bend him to her will and God knows he was willing to please her, but…

She didn't own his heart. She didn't have the key and brute force couldn't batter down the walls around him.

Anna didn't give up, Anna would never admit defeat. But the little girl inside of her, she had long since discarded any hope. And every day, that vulnerable little girl who had never been allowed out was coming closer and closer to the surface.

Perhaps that was why Anna could now be found outside, sitting on the dilapidated swing which hung from one gnarled tree branch. Feet resting loosely on the ground, her overcoat-covered arms were hooked around the two rope supports while her gaze rested blankly on the patchy grass beneath her.

_When did I get so weak?_

A low puff of air escaped her lips as she gently began to rock back and forth, kicking her heels against the worn ground to gain momentum. Above her woolly-hatted head, the rusty joints creaked laboriously – an oil job was clearly in order, but this was far from the blonde's mind right now.

_When did I stop acting strong?_

"She's doing it again, Ren…"

Yoh turned reluctantly away from the indigo haired youth's window, arms crossed uncomfortably as he ripped his eyes from the figure outside.

"Doing what?" was the absent reply from where Ren was sitting on his bed. The gleaming head of his Kwan Dao lay in his lap, a soft rag moving busily across the surface, polishing it to mirror brightness. Tending to his weapon always lulled the tetchy young man.

"Hurting," was the quiet response from Yoh who couldn't help, but shoot frequent glances that would show him the image of his 'fiancée' swinging slowly underneath the starry sky.

Ren turned half hooded amber eyes towards the restless figure who was populating his room. One fine brow raising, he returned to his weapon maintenance.

"Well, you know that's your fault, Yoh," he said matter of factly, looking critically at the blade's edge. Did it need sharpening?

Yoh gave a heavy sigh, sitting down tiredly on the edge of Ren's desk. "I know, I know…" he said wearily, rubbing the arch of his small nose with one finger, scraping the skin almost angrily. "It's not as if I ever lied to her."

"You said you'd marry her." Ren, having decided that his blade did indeed need sharpening – it must have been that time he accidentally sliced the kitchen table in half when threatening Chocolove with it after a particularly bad 'three men walked into a bar' joke – was leaning over, trying to grab his whetstone. "Doesn't that count as lying to her?" There was no questioning how Ren knew it was Anna Yoh was talking about. Ren just knew things, that was a fact of the universe.

"Just because I haven't gotten around to doing it yet, doesn't mean I won't," Yoh retaliated defensively while absently tossing the whetstone to the smaller man.

"Thanks," Ren said as he ran the grey round experimentally over his halberd's edge. "So when are you going to get around to doing it?"

The mumbled, incoherent answer that reached Ren's ears was hardly useful and once again the Chinese Shaman looked up towards Yoh with quizzical eyes.

The brunette shifted uncomfortably, another look being sent towards the window as if the Itako would be able to hear every single word they spoke in the relative privacy of Ren's room.

_Knowing Anna she probably can…_

"I don't know…" Yoh said sincerely, shrugging slim shoulders dejectedly. "We were waiting until we were older I guess…"

"But you've been living together since you were thirteen," Ren pointed out. "Marriage won't make much of a difference, will it?"

"I want to marry someone I love, Ren."

The quiet answer caused the indigo haired teen to pause in his whetting movements, stone poised unwaveringly over the curved blade.

"I take it you don't love her?"

An indecisive head movement met that particular question and Yoh's gaze came to rest absently on Ren. "I do…I always have in a way, but it's the wrong sort…besides…" At this point Yoh looked sheepishly bashful. "She's a girl."

"Ah." Silence lingered briefly in the ear before the steady 'snkt snkt' of the whetstone running fluidly over a sharp edge filled the air.

"Will she hate me, Ren?" Yoh looked at the smaller youth with anguished eyes – if ever he needed reassuring, this was the time. "Will she hate me because I don't love her?"

Once again the whetstone hung motionless in the air, the hand holding it steady. "I don't think anyone could really hate you, Yoh," he said honestly, the words stumbling slightly from his lips. "She might think she does for a while, but what she's doing now." It was his turn to look towards the window. "What she's doing now is healing herself."

"Healing?"

"Healing," Ren said firmly, resuming his sharpening with alacrity. "She's getting over what she couldn't have in her own little way. She's just coming to terms with it. Speaking of which…" Lifting the blade critically to the light, he teased out a nick in the edge. "How are you getting on with the same problem?"

"Huh? Oh…yeah…" The brunette shifted again on the desk, resting bare feet on the chair in front of him. "Not so well actually."

"Hm?" The sound may have appeared disinterested, but Yoh knew that was merely Ren's way of urging him to explain and he studied his hands intently before he did so.

"I just can't stop thinking…what if? What if he didn't love **_her_**? What if he did like guys? What if, in some perfect world, we found the chance to…"

"Stop." Ren's command cut Yoh off completely, the latter looking mutely over towards him. Carefully placing the Kwan Dao blade back in the case beside his bed, Ren swivelled around to fix his whole attention on Yoh. "You need to stop thinking like that."

"But I.."

"There is no use thinking about what might have been. You must focus on what **_can _**be, what **_may _**be." Ren's saffron flecked irises were narrowed slightly as he surveyed the lanky form on his desk. "As I've told you so many times, you need to move on."

When only blank silence met his words, out of agreement, disagreement or simple bewilderment, Ren gave an exasperated snort. Turning away abruptly, he slid off the bed, grabbing the Kwan Dao case as he did so. Putting it down rather sharply in its customary place by the polished mahogany shrine his room held, he bent down over it. The case being the same material as the shrine, a highly sheening wood of a red tinted brown, its surface was inscribed with the flowing cursive he knew to be his father's writing. Fingers lingering over the curling characters, feeling the etched words under his fingers and knowing what they said – the words were carved into his mind as they were on the wooden case.

_Strength is the only path – to falter is to be weak and to be weak is to fail._

Scarred fingers drew slowly away from those beautiful, yet terrible words, hands coming to rest helplessly on his thighs as he knelt before the case.

_Strength is the only path…_

How many times had he been told that in his life? How many times had he pushed himself to the limit only to be demanded of more that he could not give? Those same scarred fingers curled reflexively, digging into the black material of his training pants, nails finding it hard to gain a purchase in them.

_Nineteen…I'm only nineteen and my body's already giving up on me._

It was true. It was a body pushed too far, too fast – a body which bore the signs of trying to be more than it was. Never large, Ren had forced himself to be the fastest, the strongest, the most fit. But each training session, each harsh attack had left its mark. His life was measured in blood lost and muscles torn, not a month going by without some bone being broken and flesh being strained as he continued to work over those injuries. There were nights when raw nerve endings left him gasping into his pillow, his moans of pain smothered.

Because to ask for help would make him weak and he could not be weak.

If he let out even one small moan, one whimper, that would bring someone into his room and then they'd know. They'd see that Tao Ren had reached his limit a long time ago and was living on borrowed energy. All those battles, all those times when he had ignored the warnings his body had screamed at him – all those times were surfacing now with a vengeance. His own flesh had saved up all the punishment he had doled out to it over the years and was now repaying it in full.

Ren's body had been ruined by its own strength for it had been too much for his lean frame. Even now there was no fat on him, only muscle lining his skin and covering his bones, but it wouldn't be long before that wasted away leaving him as nothing more than one of Faust's skeletons.

_I must be strong! Weakness is not an option!_

But right now, strength was not an option and the young man was racked with aching pains and battle scars too numerous for one of his age. Only nineteen and silvery lines criss-crossed his pale skin, testament to exactly what he had suffered in stoic silence through.

Mental strength, that he had. There never was such a fiery will as his, never someone as stubborn and determined. But the mind surpassed the body. A soul of flame in an increasingly frail body. Fire in the heart of cracked ice and it wasn't long before the ice would melt away.

Tiger eyes fixed on the black calligraphy on a sea of red streaked brown, those words running through his mind like a mantra, some desperate plea to bring back what he had used up. Strength had always been an issue – he **_must _**be strong, he **_must _**be a credit to his family, he **_must _**be Shaman King.

_When you act a certain way for nineteen years, you begin to believe your own lies._

Fingers clenching even tighter on his thighs, catching skin as well as cloth this time, but Ren barely noticed the pain so caught up was he in his own whirlpool of dark thoughts. Yoh was forgotten as his tired, battle scarred body tensed up, muscles protesting vociferously, yet they still didn't gain any relief.

Inside his head, Ren could feel baleful eyes fixed on him, eyes from a towering form which had been illuminated in the dark.

_Be strong_, the voice had whispered to him and he had listened with a kind of desperate joy. _Be strong or die, that is the way of the Tao. _He had grabbed any spoken word and clutched them close to his breast, vainly trying to find some sort of affection, some pride in those chilling words. But to find none and to know that his own blood had defeated him. To know that his own sire was willing to sell Ren's own soul to gain what he thought to be a true Tao.

By now, those saffron eyes were blank and half closed as years of effort, mental and physical began to show their toll on this still young man. Not even counting two decades yet, he had seen so much, felt so much. Done so much that was wrong in the way of the world and right now he wondered what kept him going.

"You're right," a quiet voice said and the plea for help within his own head sank once more into his subconscious as he felt a body sit down next to him. "You always are Ren."

"What else would you expect?" Ren said tartly, his pain gone for now, shoved aside only to be released later when there was no-one left to witness the hurt it caused the proud young man.

"I know. Silly me, eh?" Yoh chuckled dryly, crossing his legs and resting his hands loosely in his lap and looking at the mahogany case Ren had been looking at so intently. "What? Are you gonna polish that as well?"

_He wouldn't understand, _was the dark thought as Ren shook his head. "No, you idiot. I was just…thinking."

"I could see that," was the amused reply and Ren stiffened as a hand ghosted over the back of his neck. "You went all stiff. You have terrible knots in your neck. Here." Those quick, short sentences had heralded the beginning of movement as Yoh shifted behind the finer built youth, his other hand joining the first.

"I am not stiff," Ren grunted before those fingers dug into his tired neck and he couldn't help, but sigh. Aching muscles added their cries of relief to the other voices in his head, relishing the slow movements those slim digits rubbed into Ren's skin.

"Of course not," Yoh said soothingly as he brought his palms into play, kneading the pale skin. Bending his head forward to expose more of his neck, Ren allowed his eyes to close, momentarily caught off guard by how **_good _**those fingers on his neck felt. His scarred body was aching through and through and this, this alleviated that pain, that was all his mind could comprehend.

The secret to life was in those slowly moving hands working wonderful circles on his skin for they made the pain less, they stopped the aches from plaguing him. They were blessed in their release and gentle in their action as such a simple action soothed his tortured flesh and actually released him from the clawed grasp of perpetual pain.

The secret to life lay in the hands of one liquid eyed brunette and the feel of skin on skin.

_Why are you giving up boy? _That same mocking voice called in his head. _What do you mean it hurts? Of course it hurts! That's what makes us strong – if you can carry on through the pain, then you are strong. Asking for help makes you weak my little Tao, seeking relief from the pain. That's a coward's way out, Ren, remember that._

Amber eyes jerked open as Ren wrenched himself forward, forgetting that he was kneeling and nearly slamming stomach first into that cursed Kwan Dao case. Recoiling from that, he felt himself moving back towards those velvet soft hands and he froze, trying to keep himself balanced in that awkward position suspended between two evils.

"Ren! What the hell?" Yoh had yelped as the smaller youth had suddenly ripped himself away and was now eying him with large eyes, narrow chest heaving as if he had gone through some heavy exertion.

Deciding that Yoh was the more dangerous of the two, Ren backed up into the case, his body now fully turned towards Yoh as he stared at the shocked brunette.

"What were you doing?" he snapped, voice grating and harsh as he shuffled even further backwards, hands now gripping the carved edge of the case, the design being imprinted into his soft flesh.

"What was I doing? I was trying to make you relax, you were so tense…"

Once again, Ren cut into his words. "No, what were you doing?"

Yoh's mouth worked silently for a few moments, his own wide eyes meeting Ren's scared ones. They questioned the pain, sought its source, but a saffron yellow barrier blocked their path.

Ren, all the while ashamed of himself for acting so irrationally, couldn't help, but pull away. Those gentle hands, they had taken the pain away and he had nearly cried with relief. He had been glad that the pain was gone, demeaningly glad. Those hands had soothed him and relaxed him and drawn him down the coward's path.

Those hands, so blessedly soft, had made him weak. And he hated them for it, he hated them for taking the pain away and he hated himself for letting them do so.

"Ren…" Yoh's tone was pleading as he looked towards those terrified eyes in a once proud face. "Ren, I was just doing what you said."

The fear in Ren's amber eyes didn't dissipate, but it went down a level, the Chinese Shaman looking guardedly at Yoh. A faint question surfaced in their depths, a question aimed at those spoken words.

Seeing that perhaps this was his chance to make that fear go away, not even knowing its cause, Yoh rushed in, the words falling from his lips hurriedly.

"You told me to move on and I was just sitting there thinking…" He paused, biting his lip worryingly before plunging in again. "All I could see was you sitting there, so tense and alone and I realised…I realised that you were right. I shouldn't be hurting myself like this, but neither should you, Ren!"

Once again, Ren was fixed with an imploring brown eyed gaze as Yoh silently begged him to say something, do something – anything to stop this one sided tirade of his. This wasn't the right time, it shouldn't be done like this. But there was no word, no gesture and there was no choice, but to go on.

"You're hurting, Ren and I should have seen it before, but I was too caught up in myself to see it before. You're in pain, but you won't ask for help and I don't know why!" Another pause, another chance for Ren to step in, but there was nothing. "I need to move on from Horo and you need to move on from…from…whatever it is that's making you like this. And it was so obvious, if we're both hurting…"

At this point Yoh simply ran out of words and breath, giving up on vocalisation as he looked helplessly at the mute Ren. Saffron eyes were still fixed on them and pain still haunted their hollow depths, but the Chinese youth had run out of blunt advice and now it was Yoh's turn to be the healer.

Saddened by the hurt he saw in those tired, world weary eyes, Yoh closed his own briefly before opening them again, brown irises as scared as those corn coloured ones.

_Forgive me Ren…_he thought as he licked his lips nervously and leaned inwards, ducking down so he could press his mouth against Ren's.

The touch was brief, more of a brush of skin than anything else before Yoh pulled away, a flush dusting his pale cheeks.

"Why do you think I come up here every night, Ren?" he asked, voice a whisper as he finally spoke again. "Why do you think I come to you and no-one else?" Silence greeted his words and Yoh winced, hurriedly leaning forwards again to press his lips to Ren's unresponsive ones before pulling back again. "You talk to me, Ren, you don't have any qualms about saying what's best for me. You don't lie to me Ren!"

The Chinese Shaman shifted, looking warily at Yoh, but still with that same sadness, that same fear which he struggled to conceal.

One last kiss, all the action still on Yoh's part before he sat back up. "If you don't want this Ren…" His voice cracked and he looked away, eyes closed. "I just wanted to help, help both of us…but if you don't want it…if you don't want me to help you….just say now."

There. All the cards were on the table now and the tension in the air was so thick one could almost taste it on your tongue. Yoh refused to look at Ren and Ren was just looking at Yoh while silence curdled the air. The sound of cloth shifting finally made Yoh look up, turning nervous eyes back to the fine boned teen across from him.

An intake of breath and then… "I think you should head to bed now, Yoh."

Lids falling shut in defeat as Yoh slumped, motionless as his head hung limply for a moment. Ren watched impassively, though his brow was creased, hands still clenched firmly on the carved case. The pain centred him, the pain was his focus.

_I can live through the pain…_was his anguished thought as his unresponsive eyes watched Yoh slowly get to his feet and walk slowly out of the room, each footstep sending a tremor through his own supposedly impenetrable chest.

_I can live through the pain…_

_I will be strong, Father. I promise._

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Merely a few doors down, Yoh found himself in his own room. Only a few rooms, but it felt like miles. By now, the darkness was total and the Inn was silent, its many occupants long since asleep.

Except for Yoh.

After an hour of staring at the ceiling, he had tried sleeping on his front. When that grew uncomfortable, he flipped onto his side. Then his other side. Now curled up in a foetal position, he gave an exasperated sigh and threw off the covers completely, sitting up in the centre of his bed with his knees hugged tightly up to his chest. Letting his head loll forwards, he felt his hot forehead rest against the now bare skin of his knees and he found solace in the simple skin contact.

_You should have expected that…he told you himself. Relying on one person, he said, that was what made you weak and you know Ren hates to be weak._

_You pushed yourself on him, you were setting yourself up for rejection, you idiot._

A quiet sigh echoed around the room as he lifted his head from his knees, turning so his chin was now resting where his brow had been previously.

_It's not like you meant anything by it…everyone knows you're still too hung up on Horo. It wouldn't have worked anyway…_

"Yoh?"

How could one scared little voice sound so loud in the quiet of his room. Almost afraid to look, Yoh turned slowly, brown bangs falling into his eyes. One open door, his own…

_Must have left it open…_a calm, clinical part of him noted, but he was in no mood to listen to it. It was what was in the doorway that counted.

A slim build, nervous energy making lean limbs quiver as saffron eyes, turned grey in the dark looked imploringly at him. Indigo hair had its colour leeched away, deepening to black, but still cutting a sharp line in the air as it shifted slightly.

"I'm scared, Yoh…"

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See? Ren/Yoh fest! **–Giggles and dances-**

Right, it's now three am and I have school in five hours…I promise I'll do the review answers next chapter. All I can say is thanks for leaving them – they really do brighten up my day when I read them….What the hell – who cares about my exam in Advanced Chem tomorrow? I'll do the reviews now.

**Caro N-Snickers- **I think Yoh can be pretty romantic at times…not most of the time, but still XD Actually, my sister and I have conversations like this – she's got to the stage where she's started to look at boys and since both our parents are doctors…THE TALK is scarily graphic so I saved her from it and instructed her myself. So…oddly enough, she's been helping me through all my break ups and stuff.

**Shadowed Mediocrity: **Ah, I thought something like that happened Hey, don't worry – right from the beginning of this story when it was in the planning stage, I had an idea for our favourite Itako. I adore Anna, but it's often hard to work with her because of the fact she and Yoh are such a canon couple. However, I do have someone who will, ahem, 'save' her – actually, two people, I'm still toying between two different chapters.

I understand your points about my grammar, or my lacking on it. Unfortunately, I do have to put most of that down to my dyslexia which is why I rely so heavily on my beta….who for this story seems to be less than helpful! **–Glares and pokes- **Honestly Toni, listen to the smart lady! You like Ren? **–Grins- **You can hardly say there was a lack of Ren in this sentence.

**Kaeru Soyokaze-Gasps-** How on earth did I forget Whippets? Irish Wolfhounds as well – so big and cuddly…one of my earliest memories is staying in my Scottish family's large farmhouse and just curling up with Dara the Wolfhound in front of an open fire and sleeping with her. This was when I was about four, so I could actually ride the dog. Yep, Horo/Pirika talk ish fun.

**Jen-Tao07:** RENRENRENRENRENREN! **-Giggles- **Lots of Ren in this chapter, eh? And next chapter…

**Wish he was Mine-Blinks- **You're insane, you know that? I'm sooooo glad that my dragons/knights bit only makes sense to a soda-drunk idiot. XD My sister's pretty cool actually, now that she actually shuts up once in a while….LELL! Lell, not Kiki! O0 I really don't want to think about you naked…

**Unicorn13564: **Long? **-Blinks-** It's not that long is it? Oh well – thanks for reading. And thanks to Jen for recommending it.

Next chapter – more Ren and Yoh….if you're good. **–Snickers and bounces off to Choi Kwang Do-**


	11. We can be Scared Together

**FAULTY MIRROR **by The Summer Stars aka Lell.

Rating: PG13 (For now….)

Warnings: Yaoi – for those not versed in such terminology, this means boysluff, slash, man on man, nectar of the god's…/blushes/ I'm a trifle biased.

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"I'm scared, Yoh…"

Such a vulnerable confession from the normally serene Ren - it sent a shiver up Yoh's own back. Still with his knees furled protectively up towards his skinny chest, the brunette turned large eyes more firmly on Ren, who seemed to be hanging in the doorway by a mere thread of force. Slim frame ravaged with a restless energy, the Chinese teen looked back, gaze matching Yoh's in emotional intensity. A quivering step brought him into the darkened room where moonlight painted everything in wide bands of black, silver and grey.

_Crossing the threshold._

"I'm scared of my father." A confession in the dark as Ren took another hesitant step inwards, sealing his decision to enter in a way. "I'm scared of what he wanted…still wants me to be." Yoh watched mutely, not speaking, not moving as he let those revealing words wash over him – the trust Ren was showing by admitting to these…un-Ren like feelings.

"I'm afraid of being weak…" Ren's voice fell, hushed in the weighty silence which seemed to fill the world at night. "But I am – I can feel it, Yoh, it hurts so much." The keen in his tone was quiet, but no less anguished than a full blown cry as he cut himself up. Biting his lip in an effort to regain control, he once more found himself pinioned in the steady dark gaze that was fixed on him.

_Caught in headlights._

"I'm scared of dying." There was no need to elaborate as both minds jolted back to a fateful day when blood stained the earth a dull crimson and a voice had cried out in horror. Walking on the thin knife edge of death and lord knows he had been cut – barely fourteen and he had already been to hell and back by then. Not your average life experience before you were old enough to drink.

"And Lord knows I'm scared of you." There. It was said, out in the open.

_I'm scared of what you do to me._

Since when did silence sound so loud? With no words to distract him, Ren could hear the thudding beat of his own heart pressing against his ribs, the ragged sound of his breath. But from the bed, more particularly the shadowy figure on the bed, he could hear nothing.

Was that good or bad?

In silence, he could no more be rejected than he could be accepted and there was a certain trepidation that filled his confused mind. Weight had lifted from him as those words had spilled out, but once they were said…what was to be done now? All these thoughts, they were so out of character for him – once they had spilled out, they left him empty, unsure of what to do next.

_I'm scared of what I might say now…_

Not that Yoh wasn't afraid either. Was this some twisted joke? Was it one of those cruel pranks? But the fears quickly evaporated as he _**really** _looked at Ren. The frailer boy was trembling, actually trembling….Yoh suddenly smiled – not out of any malice, but out of a sort of simple satisfaction. This was no act on Ren's half, no false front – there was no way the proud young man could fake the quivering limbs which seemed to afflict him so badly.

Ren meant it, he meant it with all his soul – whatever tattered remains he had left.

Soft footsteps finally hailed movement and Ren started. His gaze had slowly fallen to the polished wooden floor as his confidence had waned. Yoh had been so quiet, the silence so great that his resolve had waned and he had almost wished that he hadn't come.

Almost.

But when those soft steps reached his ears, lemon eyes looked up, almost disbelievingly into vivid brown ones.

The breath caught uncomfortably in his throat as he suddenly felt the warmth radiating out from Yoh's body, feeling that same heat press against his own trembling form.

_He's too close, far too close…_part of him said.

_He could never be too close…._another, darker part of him wheedled in reply.

That theory was put to the test as he felt gentle hands slide along the line of his forearms, almost teasing against his bare skin. That breath still hitching up around his own lungs, Ren could only watch, entranced as those slim fingers moved their own meandering path upwards.

Leaving Ren's arms, Yoh allowed his hands to slip under the barrier the other's limbs had formed. Reaching around until his hands found their way to the small of the Chinese Shaman's back and slowly, surely, Yoh reeled him in. It was satisfying – to feel that lithe body being pulled unresistingly towards him, each dip and curve of his body fitting into the opposite context of his own. Still unresisting, Ren did not pull away as he felt himself being drawn ever closer to his taller companion. Uttering a small sigh, Yoh allowed his chin to dip, lips brushing against strands of indigo as they found their way to a place beside Ren's ear.

"I'm scared of Anna." The first confession brought a minute smile to the frailer boy's lips – it was so predictable, so common place.

So Yoh.

Sensing a growing relaxation in Ren, the brunette gave his own gentle smile, moving a deep hued lock away from a perfect shell of an ear.

"I'm afraid of not being what the world needs." Now more serious, he rested his chin down on the comforting plane of Ren's shoulder. "I just don't see myself as revolutionary or extraordinary or a saviour…I don't see myself as Shaman King."

_That's because you're just Yoh…_

"I'm scared of getting lost, I'm scared of losing myself in all this power." Brown eyes closed briefly, a world weary expression fleeting across his face when he thought that Ren couldn't see it. He may not have seen it, but he could feel it.

"As for being scared of me…well…" Ren was glad to hear that Yoh's voice cracked as well – he had been thinking that he was the only one who was way out of his depth in this situation. "I guess we can be scared together…"

That caught breath finally escaped from his chest as Ren heard those words, his knees sagging slightly as he leaned into the embrace Yoh had pulled him into. Wiry arms slid up to lock at the back of the brunette's neck, timid fingers twining around soft strands of sienna as if securing themselves to this pliant body.

_It's never been 'we' before…_

With contact finally being initiated on Ren's behalf, Yoh decided that this was indeed what was wanted and needed on both parts. The residual worry that he had been pressuring the clearly less experienced youth had been badgering him relentlessly, but he brushed it aside. What had started off as a dark and fear filled mood had lightened considerably to something stranger definitely, but no less intense. Indeed, the release of pressure had brought forth the more enthusiastic side of Yoh and that side had just realised it had an extremely sensuous and slender teen wrapped in its arms.

Exhaling contentedly in a sound which was surprisingly akin to a good-natured horse 'whuffling', Yoh let his face drift closer to the pale shaft of Ren's neck. The Chinese youth would have found such an odd sound amusing at one time, but all thoughts of humour were driven away as he felt the bridge of Yoh's nose brush against the side of his neck.

Still nuzzling curiously at Ren's smooth skin, the Shaman King let his mind spread to what he could feel beneath his calloused fingertips.

_Far too much material…_

In any other circumstances, Yoh would have admired those tight little shirts that Ren normally chose to wear, but for now they were just another obstacle between the body contact he craved and himself. Muttering some incoherent word or endearment into the brunette's ear, he slipped his hands under the back of Ren's shirt – in his state, he could barely tell what colour the garment was since the moonlight had leeched all the brightness away to leave it close to black.

_Sable._

Ren shivered when he felt those hands slide so deftly under the cloth over his back, palms resting exactly where they had before…just under the shirt. Against his over-heated skin, Yoh's hands were cool, the skin on his fingers and palms was considerably cooler than his own back and the contact sent shivers up towards his neck.

_Cold hands, warm heart…_

Gently sweeping his thumb across that dimple which hovered just over the waistband of Ren's trousers, Yoh hid a smile when he felt the smaller man tremble in his arms.

"Still afraid?" he mumbled, inhaling the clean scent of Ren's hair – it wasn't anything exotic or deliberately alluring, but the down to earth, blunt smell of soap and shampoo was a refreshing change to those around him.

Ren didn't even dignify that with an answer, merely pressing closer to Yoh and giving a weary little sigh. As wrought as he had been earlier, added to the stresses his overworked body had been under…energy was a problem these days.

Not that Yoh was deterred by his companion's reticence – it was part of the frailer boy's charms. With Ren, it was always you who needed to make the first move. But then again…he hadn't exactly had the best sleep himself and as much as he wished to pursue…other activities, his own body was beginning to betray him.

"Ren…" he murmured, slipping his hands out from under his shirt regretfully, lingering on the pale skin for a moment or two before withdrawing. The purple haired Shaman turned fitfully as the contact was taken away, uttering what could have been called a whimper in a lesser man than Ren.

It was quite cute really – not that Ren would ever allow anyone to label him as such.

"Ren!" Yoh chortled quietly to himself as once again the youth in his arms responded with a sleepy grumble. At least if he was this close to falling asleep, it meant that any tension had disappeared. Giving an exasperated, yet fond sigh, Yoh held Ren at arms length, looking down into half hooded saffron irises. "Ren, you need to go to bed."

Blinking, Ren merely stood there, exhausted mind trying to process the words which were currently entering his ears. It was obvious when that happened for those lemon hued eyes widened somewhat as he woke up.

"Oh…right…" This new, vulnerable Ren certainly was adorable – just the slight pink tinge across his cheeks made Yoh want to draw him right back into an embrace. "Bed…" Head dipping slightly, he turned, tired feet carrying him back towards the door, but an amused chuckle halted him.

"Where do you think you're going?" was the dry question from the youth behind him.

"Going to bed, isn't that obvious?" A trace of the old Ren showed in the tart answer he gave, one eyebrow predictably raising to accompany the answer.

"No you're not."

"Excuse me?" This was definitely Ren now as the smaller man turned to face Yoh with a glower, hands fisting dangerously by his side. "I'm really not in the mood for one of your odd jokes right now – don't play with me, Asakura."

To give him due credit, Yoh didn't flinch under that feline gaze. Not one bit. "No. I meant you're not going to bed because this is your bed now." He gestured to the rather untidy bed that lay in the other half of his wall.

Once again, dark lashes brushed against pale cheek tops as Ren blinked, taking a small step backwards. "You mean…?

"Stay with me Ren." Another blink was required on Ren's part – now it was Yoh's turn to put himself on the line. To risk being rejected.

_Again._

An awkward smile quirking his lips, Ren raised another of those perfect eyebrows. "On that mess?"

Yoh's lips curved into a pout as he looked towards the sleeping place in question. "It's not that bad…" was his petulant answer. Yoh and tidy, the words were incompatible. "Besides," and here was his secret weapon, "It has me in it."

Ren shifted uneasily, dark gaze switching alternately between Yoh and the bed, his palette suddenly dry for some reason. All this, all what transpired here was new territory, uncharted land on the map.

_Map? We're so far off we left the map about ten squares ago…_

"Ren, come to bed."

Even whilst the indigo haired one had been stuck in his awkward loop, Yoh had slipped under the rumpled covers, back turned pointedly towards him. The sight of tousled brown hair hovering over the dusky cream of the sheets greeted saffron eyes and again, lids shuttered up and down in indecision. To go over there, to crawl into bed with the warm body that was currently there…

_To crave company is to give in to weakness…_

"Ren. Bed. Now." Some part of Ren which was still trained to obey direct orders complied, feet leading him blindly as he slipped into the side of the bed opposite Yoh.

_There, I did it._

But what now? What was expected of him now that he had taken another of those big leaps? Shivering, he fisted his hands loosely in the sheets around him as his eyes looked blankly up at the shady ceiling. He was all too aware of the foetal curled figure on his left, soft breathing emanating from the slow rise and fall of its chest. Yoh seemed relaxed, as if this were a natural step. But then again, Yoh was a tactile person. He touched _everyone_, be they friend, foe or long dead ghost. Yoh learned through contact and it came to him easily.

_The baka probably doesn't even think about it…_

But for once, the almighty Tao Ren was wrong. Yoh, at present, couldn't think about anything other than touching the purple haired one across from him, but some inner sense restrained him for the moment, suggesting that perhaps he needed to ask permission.

"Ren…can I…hug you?"

The question was so innocently put, so gentle in its phrasing that it wasn't threatening. Yoh wasn't trying to change him, to influence him. Yoh only wanted to hold him.

Not really trusting himself to speak, Ren only nodded, unsure even if his bed mate saw it.

He did.

Moving slowly, carefully – as if the Tao was a spooked horse – Yoh slid over, coming to face the smaller built youth who still looked resolutely towards the ceiling. Snaking a skinny arm around his shoulders, Yoh pulled gently until Ren turned obediently in his grip, rolling over so their faces were on the same level and turned towards each other.

Instinctively, Ren slowed his breathing and felt Yoh do the same as they gradually relaxed to fix the new position they were both in.

"G'night Ren…" Yoh murmured, a sleepy smile one his face as he yawned.

Wrinkling his nose slightly, Ren made no reply as he shifted downwards, resting the side of his head on Yoh's shoulder and closing his eyes. Comfortably pillowed and lulled by the soft feel of skin underneath his cheek, sleep was all too alluring right now.

If Yoh was waiting for a reply, he was in for a long wait so the brunette sighed, absently stroking the back of his hand along the angle of Ren's jawbone. It was disturbing how light the Chinese boy seemed in his arms – he barely made an indent on the mattress at all.

But it was late and they were both tired. Satisfying himself with a final stroke of Ren's indigo hair, he settled down, dark eyes blinking several times before iron weights pulled the lids down. Once both their breathing rhythms had fallen into an easy pattern, the atmosphere in the room lightened.

There would be no passion tonight, no confessions of undying love. No love at all actually.

Just two souls trying to help each other out when times were dark.

Silence except for gentle breathing as the moonlight illuminated the conjoined figures. Gentle silver light showed a skinny boy with violet hair wrapped in the arms of a taller, less sharp looking youth with dark brown bangs. The smaller of the pair by no means looked peaceful, not to outside eyes…but to those who knew the Shaman, there was something different in his face.

It's amazing what physical contact can do to one starved of it for so long.

A longer silence and then…

"Goodnight Asakura…"

Yoh smiled sleepily and pulled Ren closer into the circle of his arms as a cloud crossed the face of the three quarter moon plunging the room into the true darkness of night.

And outside, one pair of world weary eyes looked up at what had been a glowing silver shape, now only a vague outline visible. The air was chill, but the Itako kept on rocking on the swing.

Still sad, still silent, still alone.

Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one

Seven days a week but my life has just begun

So caught in emotion and I'm overcome

As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone

Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong

Sometimes I feel so frail so small

Sometimes I feel vulnerable

Sometimes I feel a little fragile

A little fragile

In six thousand years what will this mean

Words from the heart or a melody

So caught in emotion and I'm overcome

As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone

Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong

Sometimes I feel nothing at all

Sometimes I feel vulnerable

Sometimes I feel a little fragile

A little fragile

If people can see right through my eyes

Like an open door that I can't disguise

I won't be afraid from the tears I cry

I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside

A little fragile

A little fragile

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone

Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong

Sometimes I feel so frail so small

Sometimes I feel vulnerable

Sometimes I feel a little fragile

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Hey, don't shoot me-**Throws arms up in the air-** I just finished my teaching course and I was so wiped out I literally didn't have the brains too write. Again, I'm sorry – but look, I'll try and update more regularly now. Say…every week?...probably not since I have quite a bit of school work, mainly projects coming up so wish me up.

I'll try and do the review replies later on this week, but for now my e-mail's screwing up and I can't find all the reviews and my Internet keeps logging up. But don't worry, I appreciate all your comments and will reply to them as soon as possible!


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